Last week I bit into an apple that tasted precisely like one bottle of men’s cologne. Well that’s curious. I reasoned it cannot be possible that this fruit from God’s green earth tasted like it had actually been fed Drakkar Noir from the moment it first broke seed as if the farmer was some kind of deranged Abercrombie & Fitch model with something to prove. I had to take a second bite to be sure.
When the second bite confirmed it, I turned slow-motion style to the table where the kids sat with homework and a plate of sliced apples and, just before I could launch myself toward them and remove all the poison from their reach, my daughter looked up at me mid-chew: “Mommy, this apple tastes like perfume.”
In the end, we were all okay but isn’t it true that sometimes what should be simply isn’t? It’s hard to allow yourself to long for something because what if it only ends in disappointment? What if you admit your deepest longing and then you get an apple that tastes like perfume?
I’m on a journey – and I bet you are too – of learning what it really means to live with Jesus in the midst of the desire and disappointment of everyday life. As much as I wish it wasn’t true, I’m discovering one key element to walking with him is all wrapped up in admitting what I most long for.
When my daily rhythm feels more like a drumbeat than a heartbeat, it’s time for me to pay attention to three simple realities:
1. It’s time to admit my longings.
When I feel more like a robot with a to-do list in my hand rather than an artist with wonder in my eyes, I stop, close my eyes, open one hand in my lap and put the other on my heart and ask myself, what am I longing for in this moment?
If you do this, you might be surprised what you discover but don’t be surprised by the tears. Those tiny messengers are your kind companions, sent from the deepest part of who you are to remind you of what makes you come alive.
Listen to them and wake up to your heartbeat.
“Jesus himself routinely asked people questions that helped them to get in touch with their desires and name it in his presence. He often brought focus and clarity to his interactions with those who were spiritually hungry by asking them, What do you want? What do you want me to do for you? Such questions had the power to elicit deeply honest reflection in the person to whom they were addressed, and opened the way for Christ to lead them into deeper levels of spiritual truth and healing.”
– Ruth Haley Barton, Sacred Rhythms: Arranging Our Lives for Spiritual Transformation
Desire is a gift when we open it in the presence of God. Longing is key to my spiritual formation.
The reason why it’s terrifying to admit our deepest longing, the reason why I seldom allow myself to do it, is because too often it seems longing leads to disappointment in the form of a glaring life-limitation I have little control to change.
2. It’s time to embrace my limits.
We hear all the time about the importance of having boundaries. In his book, Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less
“If you don’t set boundaries there won’t be any. Or even worse, there will be boundaries, but they’ll be set by default – or by another person – instead of by design.”
I appreciate people who can say no with confidence, who establish healthy boundaries in their lives.
But my perspective changes when it comes to the boundaries I don’t choose that come in the form of lack of time, lack of energy, lack of money or influence or control. I don’t call those boundaries, I call those problems.
And I tend to push against those limitations and forget these are the very places where Jesus wants to meet with me.
Perhaps these limits are actually gifts, pointing me forward rather than holding me back. For example, if I’m not good at that particular skill or don’t have time for this particular event, then it forces me to pay attention to what I am good at and what I do have time for. When I’m willing to see my limits as a gift rather than a liability, I begin to live my real life instead of wishing for the life I want instead.
3. It’s time to pay attention when they intersect.
When I avoid confessing my longings and embracing my limits, I live in the lifeless middle where I have no need for redemption. Sometimes it feels easier this way. When I keep those two roads running parallel in my heart, I miss out on the opportunity to meet Jesus at the intersection.
But when I embrace them both, I am able to experience life with Christ in deeply personal ways. I become more aware of myself and others, feel more alive to Christ’s life in me, and open up to his presence with me.
I imagine Jesus standing at the crossroad of my longing and my limits. And while it’s true he doesn’t always satisfy my longing in ways I expect, he does always offer to be enough where before there wasn’t enough. At the intersection of longing and limitation is where the miracle happens, both the water from wine kind and the joy in the midst of suffering kind.
I’m learning a big part of living a redeemed life now, in this moment, is to pay attention to those moments where my longing and my limits intersect, to stand there with my friend Jesus, and together wait for the seed to grow.
“The kingdom of God is like a man who casts seed upon the soil; and he goes to bed at night and gets up by day, and the seed sprouts and grows – how? he himself does not know. The soil produces crops by itself; first the blade, then the head, then the mature grain in the head. But when the crop permits, he immediately puts in the sickle, because the harvest has come.”
Mark 4:26-28
May we walk in this newness of life in our ordinary moments. May we wake up to our longings and hold them out to you. May we confess our limitations trusting you with outcomes. May we keep company with you as we wait for seeds to grow.
Here is a prayer you might like to print and hold on to: A Prayer as We Wait for Seeds to Grow here. Want more posts like this one delivered directly into your inbox? Or maybe a monthly reminder to create space for your soul to breathe? Sign up here today and choose Blog Posts, Newsletter, or both.
There are mercury glass-like reflections on my sofa this morning from the sun shining bits of hope through a dusty, water stained glass table, a cup left from a teen NCIS marathon.
I dreamed of jumping into the reflection exactly because I’ve allowed the dreams that will not be to flood straight through my eyes for the last two days..and I’ve handed it to Jesus too, begged him to lift the heavy for me. But what I’ve forgotten is that he intersects the place where my heart just might break open and that is the place of beauty…just like my slipcover. Thank you for this. Just thank you!
learning this right along with you, Emily.
#2 is the hardest.. embracing my limits. but, oh, the freedom when I do. there’s power in saying, “I can!” But even more in saying, “I can’t!” And being okay with that. praise God He has something for us all~
So much to think about here: “the place where our longings and our limits meet.”
I’m thinking that this is where we find Jesus to be all He said He would be for us.
Great post for my brain and my heart.
I’m sure why, but it’s just so hard for me to acknowledge my desires, let alone admit them to God. When I know I’m already blessed with so much, it’s hard to admit when I want something . . . even something good. I do a good job at setting boundaries, but without the intersection you mentioned, the boundaries are just walls to keep me running. Without letting holy desires drive the boundaries, I just create a regimented day for myself. Thanks for sharing these lovely words and waking me up a bit today. 🙂
Whew! Talk about going deeeeeep. You did.
Love your words today, Emily … especially these: “At the intersection of longing and limitation is where the miracle happens, both the water from wine kind and the joy in the midst of suffering kind.”
You’ve given me much to think about. I have never thought of my limitations as gifts before!
How timely this is, and beautifully said.
Seems to be a theme. I pay attention to the subliminal spiritual messages moving quietly among the Body finding ways to be expressed. A phenomenon that tells me it must be important.
For Him, Meema
I so needed this blog today … thank you so much for sharing — I will ‘listen to my heartbeat’ daily before I begin my devotionals for the day! God bless you.
So beautiful and spot on. Thank you.
So beautiful. What an honor and joy to meet you at the Beautiful Life conference. It was such a blessed experience. I am overflowing.
UGH so good.
i mean, just as good as the un-do list.
<3333 soaking this is TODAY
Emily, thanks so much for both sending us forward into new vision and hope, but also not being afraid to speak truth. I so resonate with every word you wrote- especially the not wanting to admit my longings part. Crazy, even as I wrote that I felt tears spring to my eyes- a sign that I need to pay attention and do some business with God, perhaps? Naptime in my house and a cup of coffee by my side, what better time to ask him to meet me right here.
Beautiful reminder, Emily.
“I imagine Jesus standing at the crossroad of my longing and my limits. And while it’s true he doesn’t always satisfy my longing in ways I expect, he does always offer to be enough where before there wasn’t enough. At the intersection of longing and limitation is where the miracle happens, both the water from wine kind and the joy in the midst of suffering kind.”
As someone who is living in the misty areas where some longings have yet to be satisfied, I’m also seeking – and, at times, struggling – to see that He is ALWAYS enough. Thanks for the reminder to keep our eyes open.
Such glorious truth here, dear Emily. And so well said. You are the BEST.
Enjoyed this post and your perspective —- thanks!
Such a wonderful post & prayer. This line is so good >> “May we keep company with you as we wait for seeds to grow.” Thank you for sharing the prayer!
“Desire is a gift when we open it in the presence of God.” This is TRUTH right here, and I needed to read it today.
Thank you so much for sharing this.
Hi Emily-I have read your blog for a while now. Addressing our longings is a familiar subject here, but I am still hung up on it seeming selfish, sort of first world problem-ish. It seems that most people are in literal survival mode and thinking of my longings is a luxury.
Thanks again for this beautiful and insightful post, Emily. Just letting you know I featured it here: http://thenestednomad.com/2015/03/31/gratitude-love-march.
Hi Emily, I had an apple moment just as you described just yesterday late afternoon. This apple made me feel sad and disappointed and had me ask myself “what can I really do about this anyway?”
So wildly weird in a good way to open your note today and begin to read exactly what happened to me! I didn’t have a knife or peeler in my car so I chose to bite off that bitter sprayed flesh and throw pieces out the window as my child watched confused. Talking about it with him I felt disappointed by how our world and its people choose to make money. But today I encouraged by our shared experience to do something even if it is small. Thank you!
Hi Emily, thank you for writing!
I have been reading and pondering over this your blog post the past few days: “Jesus lives at the intersection of your longing and your limits” Wow … Confessing my longings and embracing my limits is hard but the only way to be in Jesus presence, where I really want to be.
Longing is key to my spiritual formation. Longing to share about our intimate relationship with Christ with women in West Africa so that they are set free from their fears and hurts.
Thanks again,
Angelika
thanks. needed this
Longings and limits, over which we have no control, it is indeed a struggle these words resonate with me today.
Nicely conveyed. A lot for me to contemplate as I will soon be staring homelessness in the face.
The day you originally published this, I was flying to be with my mother for her cancer surgery. I would be gone for over two months. Back then, I would not have understood this post, but today (Feb 2018) almost three years later, I can absorb and digest your words. You wrote exactly what I am experiencing, and this is so cool I can’t even tell you! God has been consistently leading me with the word “limits” (and love your fabulous podcast last week). But where “limits” meet “desires” – that’s the piece that has been missing. Thank you for your transparency and the time you spend sharing with your heart with us. God is using you, Emily P.
Jesus not only meets us at the crossroads or intersection of our longings and limits, he lives there. Longing is dynamic, limits aren’t. Redeeming blood cleanses longing and desire and bit by bit transforms the heart of stone. But “bits” happen inside the limits of time. Bits make up a life. They make up a life of grace-filled words like, I love you and I’m sorry and will you forgive me and I believe, help my unbelief. It is in limits that I can see the thing I trust, the conflict it creates, the lengths at which I am willing to push against or give in. In the crossroad where Jesus lives, my longings and limits work together for God’s fame and the world’s good. Simultaneously, bit by bit, they make me more Human.
Thanks for giving me this to think about.
This post is especially meaningful to me. Your words are healing. Two sentences that especially meet me where I am today:
– If you don’t set boundaries there won’t be any.
– When I’m willing to see my limits as a gift rather than a liability, I begin to live my real life instead of wishing for the life I want instead.
Thank you for the beauty of your ministry. Each post, each podcast episode, each page in your books instantly calm and center me.
Blessings be upon you.