what we learned Archives - emily p. freeman

10 Things I Learned This Spring

Welcome to What We Learned, a quarterly practice where we pause to reflect on the past season before we move ahead into the future. “It’s not the experience that brings transformation,”says author and teacher Jan Johnson, “it’s our reflection upon our experience.”

If that’s true (and I’m convinced it is) then it’s vital we establish intentional time to reflect on our lives. Reflection is part of my daily and weekly routine, but once a quarter I like to share some of my list and invite you to share yours. Note: Where books are shared, affiliate links are used.

I spent the first week of this season in California but every week after that, like many of you, has been spent under Stay-At-Home orders in North Carolina. Suffice it to say, these last three months will take some time to unpack. But partial reflection still counts so here are 10 things I learned this spring in no particular order:

1. Sidecar Doughnuts makes the best doughnut I have ever had.

On March 6, 2020 I was in Southern California on the last day of the last trip I took before the Stay-At-Home orders were in place and I tasted a Sidecar Doughnut for the first time. This pandemical situation has distracted me from this memory which I have now brought forth and is yet another reason why I’m so grateful for the spiritual discipline of reflection. Because behold:

This I think is the blueberry one but the one I had: You guys it was the Butter & Salt. A BUTTER AND SALT DOUGHNUT. How did they make two regular ingredients that we all have in our kitchens into a miracle food?

2. Starting again doesn’t have to mean starting over.

No matter how long you’ve been away, no matter how far it seems you’ve traveled from the routine or rhythm you once practiced, it’s always only one step back to find the life again. I’ve had to remind myself of this truth over and over again this spring.

3. Fifteen minutes of reading in the morning goes a long way.

This spring I’ve finished Will the Circle Be Unbroken? by Sean Dietrich, Searching For Certainty by Shelly Miller, and Life Without Lack by Dallas Willard — mostly by reading with a timer for just 15 minutes in the mornings.

4. I will never regret hanging the hammock chair.

It’s one of those things that looks really good in a magazine photo but when you get it in your house you realize you don’t know where to put a hammock chair, how to hang it, or what to do with your life. But then, when you have to stay home for two months straight, you figure it out. (And by “you” I mean “John” but you could, too. I believe in you.)

5. Working from home during a pandemic is not the same as working from home during not a pandemic.

Of course that seems obvious when you say it, but in practice I had an expectation of myself to thrive during these stay at home times because I know how to do this. But turns out, none of us knows how to do this. And that’s okay. I talked about this on my friend Laura Tremaine’s podcast (you can listen to that episode here).

6. Zoom is the worst but also the best.

One of my personal goals at the end of February was have less Zoom meetings. Funny, right? I’ve been learning how to lead a remote team for a few years now, but things seem to have ramped up over the last six months as our hope*writers team has doubled, then doubled again. Even though these one dimensional meetings take double the energy, I’m grateful we have a way to do business and life via the screen.

**7. It’s rod iron fence, not rot iron fence EMILY.**

Every now and then I’ll share about a word I learn I’ve been saying wrong for my whole life. Thank you, Shelly Miller, for writing this in your book for me to read and finally learn this one. Rot iron?! What does that even mean? [Edited to add: The people have spoken and I have heard from eleventy hundred people that the word is, in fact, wrought iron. And now my head has exploded the end.]

8. Having a good system is not equal to living a good life.

What was good for yesterday may not be good for today and blanket solutions aren’t always ideal. My next right thing may be different than my last right thing. This was a relief to talk myself through (you can listen in on that conversation here for twelve and a half minutes).

9. Together from a distance is better than apart.

My parents came on my birthday at the end of April and we hadn’t seen them in months. We kept a safe distance and that made it difficult and frustrating and sad. But it was better than being apart.

10. It will not always be this way.

I keep learning this over and over again, but this spring this statement has been both a comfort and a grief. We’re in the middle of a pandemic: it will not always be this way. My teenagers are home: it will not always be this way. I’m tired, a little lonely, and sad. It will not always be this way.

Now it’s your turn. What’s something you’ve learned this season?

10 Things I Learned This Winter

We do this every quarter and will share our next list (What We Learned in Spring) on Friday, May 29. If you are drawn to reflection but aren’t sure where to start, I’ve created an entire self-paced, online class to help you reflect on your life. Learn more and enroll in Discern + Decide right here.

Welcome to What We Learned, where we pause to reflect on the past season before we move ahead into the future. “It’s not the experience that brings transformation,”says author and teacher Jan Johnson, “it’s our reflection upon our experience.”

Here are 10 things I learned this winter in no particular order:

1. I can change my habits.

Towards the end of last year I read Atomic Habits by James Clear and while there wasn’t necessarily any earth-shattering advice inside the pages, I still found I couldn’t put the book down.

Sometimes simple truth is the most irresistible. Specifically, I have gone from zero yoga in the second half of 2019 to a daily home practice of yoga in 2020 (today marks day 58 in a row!)

The non-secret secret: Make it obvious, easy, attractive, and satisfying.

2. Our kids birthdays are not just for our kids.

The girls turned 16 in January and after asking them for months in advance what they wanted to do to celebrate and getting only half answers and I don’t cares, I realized maybe my obsession with wanting their birthday to be special was not just for them but for me.

And so I made a list in my journal of what I wanted for their birthday:

I want them to feel celebrated in a way that suits them.
I want to be present.
I want to bring peace into the day.
I want to eat good food.
I want to celebrate the milestone without being annoying.

3. I need to say no even more than I thought.

As someone who talks a lot about boundaries, essentialism, and making space, I’ve learned this winter that I still have a lot to learn about actually putting this into practice. Coming soon: Emily has less meetings.

4. I need to say yes even more than I thought.

What?! Emily where is the glitch in the matrix you just said the opposite are you okay? I’m learning it’s possible to need to say no and yes at the same time just not to the same things.

For example, I need to say no to almost all requests for endorsements right now (I know, it’s a super author-specific example but this is my life and my list so you understand) so that I can say yes to collaborations, a few learning communities, and a huge project that requires deep work.

5. “There’s a light at the end of letting go.” Sawyer, Letting Go

It feels like the worst, this letting go of what you thought would be and who you thought you were. But this line sums it up and feels especially important during this current season of lent.

“I found the door but not the key
To be alone but not lonely
God help me to believe
There’s a door that I can’t see

Even when I’m left to stand alone
Even if you never come back home
Still I know I can feel it in my bones
There’s a light at the end of letting go”

6. I am not my emotions.

I may feel them deeply. I may despise them desperately. They may move me to from madness to gladness and back again some days. But they do not own me, boss me, or define me.

7. Pinterest is the most beautiful and useful search engine.

Thanks to my sister and her Cozy Minimalist Community, I have started to re-think our living room. She gives step by step instructions on how to redo a room of your house, starting with creating a pinterest board of inspiration with at least 50 pins.

Here are some images I pinned for our living room and I continue to be fascinated by my inability to avoid florals and pinks despite my verbal insistence that I love only neutrals.

8. Parenting is hard and I’ll never feel like I’m doing it right.

I know this is not the right way to frame this (what does “doing it right” even look like anyway? Don’t answer that.) But I think this has been a season of accepting that our kids are growing up and [Spoiler alert!] we still haven’t really figured out how to parent them. Lord have mercy. Jesus be near.

9. Speed matters in a race but life is not a competition.

When it comes to creativity, personal development, spiritual formation, and life with God and others, your pace is your pace and there’s no such thing as behind.

10. Once I finally found the courage to confess I was lonely, I found so many people are lonely, too.

I will have more to say about this but in summary, that’s a huge thing I learned this season. See: this podcast episode and this instagram post.

Now it’s your turn. What’s something you’ve learned this season?

10 Things I Learned This Fall

We do this every quarter and will share our next list (What We Learned in Winter) on Friday, February 28. If you are drawn to reflection but aren’t sure where to start, I’ve created an entire self-paced, online class to help you reflect on your life. Learn more and enroll in Discern + Decide right here.

At the end of this post, you’re invited to link up to your own list of what you learned this quarter – be it silly, serious, sacred, or just plain useful. I like to share a mix of all of those. Here are 10 things I learned this fall in no particular order:

1. Leading a retreat for women I know is not as scary as it used to be.

At the end of October I had the honor of being the word-sayer at our church women’s weekend (I would say speaker, but the weekend is so casual and intimate that to say “speaker” makes it sounds like something it isn’t). Years ago this would have been a dreaded, nerve-wracking assignment. This year it just felt like a gift.

2. I prefer the beach in the summer.

While I loved the content and company of our women’s weekend, I do realize I prefer to travel to locations that are congruent with my idea of the seasons. Beach in summer, mountains in fall and winter. This is not a complaint, just an observation. Carry on.

3. I love to teach.

As an author and speaker, I’ve been teaching for years. Not in an academic way but in ways that still count. Then in 2016 I had a vivid dream about being an actual teacher. I woke up and immediately wrote it down because it had such an impact on me. Maybe I’ll tell that whole story later but this Fall after teaching a day-long workshop in Wichita I moved one step closer to owning this part of my design.

5. Logic is not superior to emotion.

Both are allowed a seat at the table. Neither are allowed to rule alone.

4. Next time I co-host a big event, I need to schedule recovery time.

For most of 2019 we worked on the hope*writers conference and even though we had a lot of help, even though it was a beautiful event I was proud of, and even though we were more prepared than we’ve ever been for a live event, I still forgot to plan for one thing: I forgot to remember how brutal re-entry can be.

After a full four days at this event, it took me a week to feel like myself again. I wish I would have remembered how hard it is to come back to life, to battle the doubts that come knocking once your defenses are down. Next time I’ll remember. I should have known better. I’ve done this before! See: This post.

P.S. If you need help with re-entering life after a big event, time off, or a major transition, maybe that post on reentry will help.

6. “Don’t look at the wall. Your car goes where your eyes go.” – Mario Andretti

It’s advice for a race car driver but I found it most helpful during a week-long bout of discouragement in my work. Thank you, Mario, for this reminder to not look at the wall.

7. Cinnamon in the coffee grounds is magical.

I cannot express how much more I enjoy my morning coffee when brewed with cinnamon in the grounds. It’s Christmas in a cup!

8. Small group work is my actual jam.

I feel like I’ve said this before but I keep learning it on different levels. For years (years I tell you!) I have felt out of place in the stage culture that those in my industry seem to inhabit so comfortably. It’s not that I think it’s wrong to stand on stages, it just doesn’t seem like the place where my most valuable contribution is offered. This has always been a tension for me. What does it look like to be an author who doesn’t travel and speak on stages?

Slowly I’ve been living into that answer. First, it looked like saying yes to lots of speaking and never feeling fully like myself. Next it felt like saying no to most of the speaking and always wondering if I was doing it wrong. These days, it looks like hope*writers (and still does), serving writers online from the comfort of my own home. It looks like Literary London with Tsh Oxenreider (one of my favorite trips ever – this year we’ll take our third group).

And next year it will look like being a lecturer for the Masters in Spiritual Formation residencies at Friends University and co-leading 28 hope*writers through year long mastermind cohort.

We introduced this mastermind group opportunity at our conference in early November and now we have a lovely group of writers ready to make progress together in 2020. I’m paying attention to how excited I am to dig in with a small group for a full year.

**9. Felicity is not that great of a show.**

I watched all four seasons over the past few months and I kept waiting to love it. It kept not happening. I know this might be a controversial opinion, but there you go. I adored a few of the characters and appreciated the way Felicity evolved over the course of the show. But as a whole, I just didn’t enjoy it the way I wished I had. #teamnoel

10. Always buy the pink chair.

It doesn’t have to be a chair and it doesn’t have to be pink but the point is if you are shopping and have money in your pocket to spend and you see something you love within your means, don’t talk yourself out of it because of doubts or lack of confidence or whatever. In the spirit of pick what you like and see how it grows, just buy the pink chair already.

Now it’s your turn. What did you learn this fall?

10 Things I Learned This Summer

We do this every quarter and will share our next list (What We Learned in Fall) on Friday, November 29. If you are drawn to reflection but aren’t sure where to start, I’ve created an entire self-paced, online class to help you reflect on your life. Learn more and enroll in Discern + Decide right here.

Now on to the list! FYI Where books are shared in this post I use my affiliate links.

At the end of this post, you’re invited to link up to your own list of what you learned this quarter – be it silly, serious, sacred, or just plain useful. I like to share a mix of all of those.

Here are 10 things I learned this summer in no particular order:

1. I can trust my instincts in group settings.

As the years go by, I’m increasingly more aware of how important small group settings are. Whether family, church groups, masterminds, or artists, a gathering always carries transformative potential. When cues are missed, moments are trampled, and space isn’t held, I get huffy. Sweaty. Crazy-eyed. I’m paying attention to this rock in my shoe and learning to trust that what bothers us is actually one of the most powerful ways the Spirit leads.

2. Queen Victoria was 5’1 and Prince Albert was 5’7.

Thank you Lucy Worsley for your work on Queen Victoria: Twenty-Four Days That Changed Her Life. I listened to the Audible version over the summer and learned so many things I didn’t know about Queen Victoria. (Which was basically everything because I did not go in knowing much except for what I learned on Victoria, the PBS version.)

3. When I deleted Instagram for a month, I didn’t miss it.

I thought I would. I love instagram! But instead what happened was I didn’t. I’m back there now and I still love it. But I’m more sensitive to how much time I want to spend on something I don’t miss when it’s gone. I’m still posting as normal and still enjoy it. But this was an interesting thing to note.

**4. The London Oyster card is named from a line in The Merry Wives of Windsor by Shakespeare.**

Why, then, the world’s mine oyster, Which I with sword will open. There’s something magical about hearing now-common phrases embedded in their original source. Last year in London we saw Othello and I was thrilled to hear the phrase pomp and circumstance. So that’s where that came from!

5. Something has shifted in me ever since I watched Rachel Held Evan’s funeral on June 1.

I’m paying attention and I can’t fully name it yet. That week (the week of her funeral) like many of you, I saw a photo on Instagram of her writing desk still as she left it, seeming to wait for her return. Instead, her notes to herself are now, maybe, for us.

photo by Jeff Chu

“Your job: Tell the truth.”

“Better words. Active verbs. Strong metaphors.”

“Be faithful to the work.”

Thank you, Rachel.

6. No matter how good we get at the Internet, in-person is still the most powerful way to connect.

After nearly four years of co-leading our hope*writers community with Dad and Brian, we are unbelievably grateful to finally have a team to do what we could not do on our own. We live all over the country but finally in August we gathered together for a few days of planning, shared meals, and lots of conversation.

We accomplished in a day and a half together what would have taken a year over email and Voxer. Here’s to face-to-face, in-person toasts, and linking arms toward a common goal.

7. “We are all fragile in front of the future.” – Jean Vanier

No matter how powerful, smart, or rich you get there’s at least one thing you can never control, predict, or determine: the future. It’s the great equalizer, this realization that we are small. You’ll want to listen to the entire conversation with Jean Vaneir and Krista Tippett, which you can do right here.

8. Chuck Taylor is from my childhood hometown.

I guess I knew this years ago. But visiting Columbus, Indiana for our family reunion this summer I learned all over again this fantastic bit of history.

9. My parents graduated from high school in 1969.

The 60s have always been the most fascinating decade in recent U.S. history to me. If you look at the beginning of the 1960s and compare that to the end in 1969, so much changed in our country. And that was the decade that shaped my parent’s tween and teen years. I knew this peripherally but it wasn’t until this summer that I thought about the significance of this. I need to ask them way more questions.

10. People thrive when there are clear expectations.

And the opposite is also true. With the growth of business and ministry comes lots of opportunity for new partnerships and team members. It’s been an invitation for me to lead, listen, follow, and sometimes fail. I’m learning when it comes to collaboration, it’s better to err on the side of over-communication than under and everyone likes to know how to win at their job.

When I started writing books over a decade ago I never dreamed so much of my job would require me to be a boss. But that’s the work and I’m grateful for grace as I stumble my way through it. What I’ve learned the most in all this? It’s much more satisfying to work with a team than it is to work by myself. I never thought I would be able to say that.

Speaking of hiring: We are looking for two new team members for our support squad at hope*writers. Applications just opened and will close Monday night September 2. Here’s where you can learn more!

10 Things I Learned This Spring

We do this every quarter and will share our next list (What We Learned in Summer) on Friday, August 30. If you are drawn to reflection but aren’t sure where to start, I’ve created an entire self-paced, online class to help you reflect on your life. Learn more and enroll in Discern + Decide right here.

Now on to the list! FYI Where books are shared in this post I use my affiliate links.

At the end of this post, you’re invited to link up to your own list of what you learned this quarter – be it silly, serious, sacred, or just plain useful. I like to share a mix of all of those.

Here are 10 things I learned this spring in no particular order:

1. Let Bri McKoy boss you about what to order at Starbucks.

Bri is my go-to person for recommending things I need in my life but didn’t know it until she told me. Like this Starbucks order: Iced Grande Starbucks Doubleshot. 1 pump classic. Heavy cream instead of 2% milk.

I’ve modified this slightly as I like the world a bit sweeter than she does (2 pumps classic or 3 if I’m feeling fierce) but the rest is just right.

Find Bri at Our Savory Life here or on Instagram @brimckoy

2. I’m getting worse at email, phone calls, and follow up.

When I perused my to-do lists from the past 3 months, I recognized a pattern that I can no longer ignore. The items that remain consistently un-checked from my to-do lists are ones that involve an email, a phone call, or some kind of follow up.

I’m not sure if this means I need to delegate more, care less, or if it means I need to be a better grown up.

On the one hand, it’s important to me to be available to people, make appointments, and respond. On the other hand, a lot of the email in my inbox is really just someone else’s agenda for me.

It’s complicated is what I’m saying. I need to read more Cal Newport.

3. Get the 850 foot view as often as possible.

As I’ve mentioned many times before, the last two years have been some of the most full years of my life. Busy, is what I’m saying. I’ve been busy.

When I was in New York to record the audio version of The Next Right Thing, I had a lot of extra time in between things. So on a Friday morning, I booked the fast elevator up to the Top of the Rock right when it opened and was the first one there.

For a few minutes, I was alone 850 feet above a city of 8 million people.

And I remembered, even if only briefly, that above the hum of the daily grind, there is a bigger picture. Even though I can’t always see it, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

4. I was right about book launch teams.

They do still work.

If you don’t know what a book launch team is, it’s basically a bunch of people who agree to help you spread the word about a new book before and after it comes out.

These days they say book launch teams are changing and don’t have the impact they did years ago.

To that? I said watch us prove them wrong. And we did. Here are just a few of them:

This team helped us launch The Next Right Thing all the way to #5 on Amazon (Of all books! On all Amazon!), #7 on the Publishers Weekly Bestseller List, #6 on the Publishers Weekly Religious Non-Fiction List for April, #8 on the April ECPA Bestseller List.

Top 10 all around! What a gift.

Grab a copy of The Next Right Thing for a graduate, new parent, newlywed couple, or anyone in the middle of a life transition.

5. Simple mantras help me remember what’s important.

By “mantra” I simply mean a short, easy to remember phrase that brings me back to center. I’ve just spend the last two years with do the next right thing. That’s a mindset that has become a life-saver for me when I start to spin out. This spring I’ve learned another one:

“Do what you know. Use what you have. Finish what you started.” — Myquillyn Smith

My sister said these three short sentences in a conversation we had for the podcast and ever since then I’ve been applying it to everything: my work, my closet organization, my meal plan. It really is solid, universal advice for when you feel stuck, uncertain, or overwhelmed.

Bonus: Myquillyn Smith, My Sister The Nester
Three Mantras by Myquillyn Smith

6. I learned how to wash my face.

I mean I’ve known how to wash my face and have done it for years. But after listening to episode14 of 10 Things to Tell You with Laura Tremaine, I feel like I finally understand some of the gaps in my own skincare routine. Highly recommend this conversation!

10 Things to Tell You Ep. 14: Skincare & Makeup Favorites with Jamie Golden

7. Seeing my book in an airport for the first time was as exciting as I hoped it would be.

If you follow me on instagram, you know I’ve been documenting airports sightings in my stories over the past month. When readers and/or podcast listeners travel, they duck into airport bookstores and look for The Next Right Thing.

When they see it, they snap a photo and tag me and I’m collecting them all in my Instagram highlights because I’m giddy about this airport thing and I’m not even sorry about it.

Find me on instagram @emilypfreeman and next time you’re in an airport, snap a photo and tag me and I’ll add it to my highlights. We’re up to 54 sightings so far!

8. Writing is still the way I process the world.

On Tuesday March 12, 2019, fifty people in six different states were accused by the Department of Justice of playing a part in a major college admission scandal. For weeks I couldn’t get it off my mind. Finally, I sat down and wrote my way through some of my thoughts about it and it became both a podcast episode and a blog post and I was able to move on from it.

After a decade of being a working writer, I’m glad to know writing is still the way I process the world.

9. What to do when things end.

A few weeks ago I finally graduated with my Masters in Spiritual Formation and Leadership. When I came home, I spent some time reflecting on the essentials of closure. From that I came up with 3: put a period on the experience, don’t let the stuff outweigh the sacred, and look for hints of your next right thing in your last right thing.

Read 3 Things to do When Things End

10. Be a hometown tourist at least once a quarter.

We’ll be traveling some this summer so over spring break we decided to stay home, take a half a day, and head downtown with the kids for lunch, coffee, and an afternoon walk in the middle of the week. It was one of my favorite days of spring this year.

6 Things I Learned This Winter

We do this every quarter and will share our next list (What We Learned in Spring) on Friday, May 31. If you are drawn to reflection but aren’t sure where to start, pre-order a copy of The Next Right Thing book and you’ll get an entire class I created to help you reflect on your life (a $79 value) for completely free. Learn more right here!

Welcome to What We Learned, where we pause to reflect on the past season before we move ahead into the future.

At the end of this post, you’re invited to link up to your own list of what you learned this quarter – be it silly, serious, sacred, or just plain useful. I like to share a mix of all of those.

Here are 6 things I learned this winter in no particular order:

1. Benedict Cumberbatch is the voice of The Grinch. WHAT?!

I feel like this is information that everyone already knew, yes? Well I did not. And my mind is blown.

2. The Target logo has gone white.

I didn’t know this was in the works but I pulled into the Target across town, the one I rarely go to, and there was the white logo. Not only that, when we went inside: music. In Target. I couldn’t believe it! I mentioned on Instagram and everyone had so many feelings. Evidently for many of you the logo has been white for quite some time. If you want to know all the many opinions, check out this post.

3. Going back is inefficient for my schedule but good for my soul.

On the way home from lunch, we passed a field and I couldn’t stop staring. So thirty minutes later I went back to take a photo just before the rain began and washed the snow away. I haven’t once regretted it. Note to self: do that more often.

4. I’m slightly obsessed with the passing of time and the history of bells.

Just weeks after I returned from London this summer, I learned some things about Big Ben and the Westminster Chimes that fascinated me. I made a few notes for myself to dig into that later.

Seven months went by.

Finally, one day last week, I sat down with the intention of not getting up until I had connected the dots. In the end, it became last weeks podcast episode 71: Let Time Be Your Friend. Once it was finished, I’m embarrassed to admit how deeply satisfying it was for me to have finally found a way to express the thing that caught my eye that day last summer.

5. I’m still a believer in launch teams.

If you don’t know what a book launch team is, it’s basically a bunch of people who agree to help you spread the word about a new book before and after it comes out. The only time I’ve ever had a launch team was with Simply Tuesday and it was my favorite part of launching a book.

That was four years ago.

These days they say book launch teams are changing and don’t have the impact they did years ago.

To that? I say watch us prove them wrong.

Last week we opened up the doors to join the team and now that they are assembled, I have learned of the power of a group of people who are willing to link arms together to share something they believe in.

Can I tell you how humbling it is as an author? How I’ve teared up multiple times this week in gratitude that these people would volunteer their time and attention to help me spread the words about this book?

With the release of The Next Right Thing a little over a month away and being the INFJ Enneagram 4 who can get stuck in her head and convince herself that everyone else has what it takes and I, somehow, have missed the “here’s what it takes” puzzle piece (I’m fine, it’s fine, everything’s fine), well. Let’s just say having people in my corner means a whole lot is what I’m saying.

thank you for this image, Susie Davis!

6. Doing the next right thing is saving my life.

I was talking with Jess Connolly this morning and she told me this message is saving her life right now, doing the next right thing. And I know I’m the author, and I know I host the podcast, but I found myself nodding along with her, quietly whispering, It’s saving my life, too.

It’s keeping me present. It’s keeping me here. It’s reminding me of Jesus, his kingdom, and my small place in it. And I’m deeply grateful.

If you pre-order The Next Right Thing before April 2, you’ll get the audiobook for free! As well, I’ll send you instant access to a brand new course I designed called Discern+Decide, all about creating a personal and communal rhythm of life. Learn more right here and get your freebies today!

An InLinkz Link-up

8 Things I Learned This Fall :: 2018 Edition

If you’re visiting from The Next Right Thing Podcast, welcome! We do this every quarter and will share our next list (What We Learned in Winter) on Thursday, February 28. Grab your free printable list here to help you keep track and plan to share with us then. Now you can also share your list on Instagram using #wwlcommunity.

Welcome to What We Learned, where we pause to reflect on the past season before we move ahead into the future.

At the end of this post, you’re invited to link up to your own list of what you learned this quarter – be it silly, serious, sacred, or just plain useful. I like to share a mix of all of those.

When I link to books, I use my affiliate links which means if you make a purchase a tiny percentage helps support the work I do here at no extra cost to you. Now here are things I learned this fall in no particular order:

1. “Shame needs three things to grow exponentially: silence, secrecy, and judgment.”

This is a quote from J.R. Briggs in his book Fail: Finding Hope and Grace in the Midst of Ministry Failure. He goes on to say that “when empathy is present, shame cannot grow.” The temptation toward shame, I have learned, is to be my life-long companion. But I’m learning how to confront it with empathy.

2. Wednesday youth group night is good for our marriage.

John was a youth pastor for the first 12 years of our marriage so he spent every Wednesday night working. He’s been out of youth ministry for over five years and this year all three of our kids go to Wednesday night youth group. What used to be one of our busiest nights of the week has now become a date night. It’s basically the best.

We think things will always be the way they always were. And then time passes and everything is different.

3. Listening to friends read their own book is a delight.

My dear friend, Annie Downs, had a book come out a few months ago called Remember God. I knew I didn’t have sit-down-and-read time on my schedule this season, but I for sure had pop-in-my-earbuds-on-the-go time. Listening to my friend read her own story in her own voice was a gift and I’m so grateful for it.

4. If a show has cliffs and water, a beautiful soundtrack, and British accents, I’m probably going to love it.

John and I discovered Poldark this fall and it’s the show we hate to love (love to hate?) It’s maddening and beautiful and compelling and repetitive and I can’t get enough of it.

5. “The world is a basket of clues about what the kingdom of God is like.”

Lauren Winner said that during a plenary talk at a conference at my school and I haven’t stopped thinking about it. God is a clue-weaver, dropping hints and leaving love notes all over our everyday, ordinary lives.

6. Friendships that start online don’t have to stay there.

(Someone wasn’t listening to instructions here. It’s fine.)

Seriously, though, Shannan and I have talked for years about how John and Cory would be friends if only they could meet in real life. In October, it happened! Here we are with all our kids. They really did have fun I promise.

7. Suddenly I cannot handle owning clothes with colorful patterns.

I don’t have a capsule wardrobe, a uniform, or a minimalist style by any stretch of the imagination. But this fall I cleared my closet of clothes I didn’t wear and noticed a pattern (literally).

Ignore the fact that I kept way more than I got rid of. Until I decided to pay attention, I had not noticed that I just don’t wear floral patterns anymore. This will, I’m sure, keep me from buying something that catches my eye but I won’t actually wear.

See how reflection can save you money?!

8. I love to write books.

While I have known this since 2009 when I started work on my first book, this fall I wrote my fifth book and remembered all over again the joy of deep, undistracted creative work. I want more of that in 2019.

If you want a detailed explanation of how I reflect on my life every 90 days, you can listen to (or download the transcript of) Episode 61: Look Back: How Reflection Can Help You Make Better Decisions.

An InLinkz Link-up

6 Things I Learned This Summer

Welcome to What We Learned, where we pause to reflect on the past season before we move ahead into the future. At the end of this post, you’re invited to link up to your own list of what you learned this quarter – be it silly, serious, sacred, or just plain useful. I like to share a mix of all of those.

If you’re visiting for the first time from my podcast The Next Right Thing, welcome! We do this every quarter and will share our next list (What We Learned in Fall) on Friday, November 30. Grab your free printable list here to help you keep track and plan to share with us then. Now you can also share your list on Instagram using #wwlcommunity.

When I link to books, I use my affiliate links which, if you make a purchase means a tiny percentage helps support the work I do here at no extra cost to you. Now here are things I learned this summer in no particular order:

1. Making a To-Read list is my new stress reliever.

Because most of my reading is required reading right now, I have had to pause moving through my personal to-read list. But adding books to the list is comforting and gives hope that pleasure reading will come again!

I’ve linked to these books here in one of my Idea Lists.

2. Saying yes to collaboration just might lead you home.

Next week’s episode of The Next Right Thing is all about this (look for Episode 49: Collaborate coming September 4) but for now I’ll simply say collaboration doesn’t have to trigger memories of seventh grade group projects but can, in fact, help you become a more true and grounded version of yourself.

3. I know I’ve heard from God when I don’t feel ashamed and I’m not afraid.

Those are words are tweaked from Myrna Craig, as quoted on page 22 of Jan Johnson’s book, When the Soul Listens. Myrna actually said guilty instead of ashamed but I do think there’s an important distinction to make between guilt and shame. Guilt says I did wrong. Shame says I am wrong. So I changed the quote a bit to reflect that.

Still, I know that might not be exactly what we’ve grown up to believe about God.

But the more I walk with Jesus, the more I have come to believe that when he really wants me to know something, guilt and fear are not his way. His way may be corrective and disciplinary, but it’s always laced with the comfort of his love.

4. “There is enough for me and there is enough for you, too.”

My friend Jerome Daley said this at a workshop we hosted recently (you can learn more about Jerome here) and even though I’ve heard this sentence before, and even though I’ve said this sentence before, hearing him say it that Saturday morning when I was feeling particularly small and not in a good way, those words of abundance were just what I needed.

5. Thirty minute daily brainstorms are saving my life.

My idea brain hasn’t yet received the message that I’ve got stuff going on and I haven’t the time right now for new things. But it keeps generating ideas for every aspect of my work and I cannot possibly keep up.

Instead of slumping in discouragement with that constant feeling that things are falling through the cracks, I’ve decided to spend 30 minutes everyday to catch ideas on purpose. Here’s how:

Choose a notebook for ideas only
Pick one topic/aspect of work, for example Instagram stories, live events, collaborations, blog posts, podcast episodes, hope*writers, etc.
Set a timer for 30 minutes
Write down all ideas as they relate to the topic chosen
Just before the timer goes off, write a short list of next actions to take

It’s not a perfect system (yet!) but it’s given me some relief from feeling like I’m missing things.

6. If you have serious writing to do, pick the shop with great coffee and bad WiFi.

This is self-explanatory. And all God’s people said Amen.

***

I keep track of what I’m learning by using my seasonal reflection lists. You can get your own printable lists for tracking your reflections by signing up right here. If you’re new around here and want to know what, how, and tools to track what you’re learning, check out A New Page for Your Bullet Journal.

Some linking tips:

Just use your name for the “link title” – it’s simpler
Be sure to link back here on your post so your readers can join in!

An InLinkz Link-up

Let’s Share What We Learned This Spring

Y’all. We have so much to talk about. A royal wedding, Yanny and Laurel, a springtime snow, what your future self needs, not to mention all the things you’ve learned this season. So let’s get to it!

If you’re visiting for the first time from my podcast The Next Right Thing, welcome! We do this every quarter and will share our next list (What We Learned in Summer) on Friday, August 31. Grab your free printable list here to help you keep track and plan to share with us then. Now you can also share your list on Instagram using #wwlcommunity.

Here are things I learned this spring in no particular order:

1. I don’t mind a March snow.

That’s easy for me to say because it’s rare here in North Carolina. But it snowed in the middle of March this year and I found myself thrilled as I watched it fall down fast out my window, one last quieting, a final hush before spring.

2. On Downton Abbey, they never washed their costumes.

So basically they stunk all the time. They did have removable patches in the armpits, but I don’t like to think about this and also could that possibly have helped? This is a random fact I can’t forget.

3. Of all the gradual things in this life, watching as your kids grow up is perhaps the most exceptional.

The girls start high school in the fall and it feels equally shocking and like the most normal thing in the world. I have surprised myself with my current lack of overwhelm at this new impending life stage. Let’s see if it lasts.

4. If there’s something I miss from the past, I can find ways to invite it back into my life.

Rather than complain about how I miss “the old days of blogs” I went ahead and wrote a post like it was 2009. I loved every minute of it.

5. Your future self needs you to plan things before you think you need them.

One of the reasons those “old days of blogging” were so great was because it was how I met some of my current closest friends. Shannan Martin and I have been getting together for a writing/working/eating/talking weekend for five years now. This one was the hardest to find a date that works but we did it anyway and I’m so glad.

One year I go up north, the other year she comes down south. This was an “up north” year. Five years in a row and no plans to stop. I wrote more about this tradition two years ago (back in Chicago 2016) if you want to learn more about how we make it work.

6. When it doubt, take a walk.

Part two of that last one is Writing Day 1 in Chicago was a wash. It was our final day of our hope*writers launch so while I thought I could disconnect all day, that was unrealistic. I also just needed some time to settle in.

But Writing Day 2 started out with an early breakfast with Shannan, some inspiration from an Uber driver (that I ended up recording an entire podcast episode about), and a walk through parts of the city.

When I got back to my hotel room just before lunch, I was in a fantastic mood, ready to work. Sometimes it’s best to start first thing in the morning, but other times you need a little walk through the city to remember to see things from a new perspective.

7. “When the ego swells, the soul shrivels.”

Thank you, Dallas Willard, for these 7 words I’ll never forget.

8. If you have to decide between several things, pick what you like then see how it grows.

I put a lot of pressure on myself to make the “right” choice, but not every decision is between right or wrong. Sometimes it’s just this or that. I’m nearly 40 episodes into a creating a podcast all about decision-making, and this one line has hit a chord, both with me and so many of you.

9. I love black and white mugs.

Speaking of picking what you like, I’ve learned this season I’m just going to stick with the black and white mugs. I am happy about this.

And finally, the most epic and wonderful distraction of spring 2018:

10. We’ve learned what level of distraction and obsession we can (or cannot?) endure.

Lest you forget, this national debate about which name this voice was saying happened the same week as Meghan and Harry’s wedding.

You guys, we survived Yanny and Laurel and a Royal Wedding in the same week! I can’t believe the stock market didn’t crash or something. It’s a wonder we got any work done at all that week. I’m so proud of us.

***

Some linking tips:

Just use your name for the “link title” – it’s simpler
Be sure to link back here on your post so your readers can join in!

An InLinkz Link-up