what we learned

If you’re visiting from The Next Right Thing Podcast, welcome! We do this every quarter and will share our next list (What We Learned in Winter) on Thursday, February 28. Grab your free printable list here to help you keep track and plan to share with us then. Now you can also share your list on Instagram using #wwlcommunity.

Welcome to What We Learned, where we pause to reflect on the past season before we move ahead into the future.

At the end of this post, you’re invited to link up to your own list of what you learned this quarter – be it silly, serious, sacred, or just plain useful. I like to share a mix of all of those.

When I link to books, I use my affiliate links which means if you make a purchase a tiny percentage helps support the work I do here at no extra cost to you. Now here are things I learned this fall in no particular order:

1. “Shame needs three things to grow exponentially: silence, secrecy, and judgment.”

This is a quote from J.R. Briggs in his book Fail: Finding Hope and Grace in the Midst of Ministry Failure. He goes on to say that “when empathy is present, shame cannot grow.” The temptation toward shame, I have learned, is to be my life-long companion. But I’m learning how to confront it with empathy.

2. Wednesday youth group night is good for our marriage.

John was a youth pastor for the first 12 years of our marriage so he spent every Wednesday night working. He’s been out of youth ministry for over five years and this year all three of our kids go to Wednesday night youth group. What used to be one of our busiest nights of the week has now become a date night. It’s basically the best.

We think things will always be the way they always were. And then time passes and everything is different.

3. Listening to friends read their own book is a delight.

My dear friend, Annie Downs, had a book come out a few months ago called Remember God. I knew I didn’t have sit-down-and-read time on my schedule this season, but I for sure had pop-in-my-earbuds-on-the-go time. Listening to my friend read her own story in her own voice was a gift and I’m so grateful for it.

4. If a show has cliffs and water, a beautiful soundtrack, and British accents, I’m probably going to love it.

John and I discovered Poldark this fall and it’s the show we hate to love (love to hate?) It’s maddening and beautiful and compelling and repetitive and I can’t get enough of it.

5. “The world is a basket of clues about what the kingdom of God is like.”

Lauren Winner said that during a plenary talk at a conference at my school and I haven’t stopped thinking about it. God is a clue-weaver, dropping hints and leaving love notes all over our everyday, ordinary lives.

6. Friendships that start online don’t have to stay there.

(Someone wasn’t listening to instructions here. It’s fine.)

Seriously, though, Shannan and I have talked for years about how John and Cory would be friends if only they could meet in real life. In October, it happened! Here we are with all our kids. They really did have fun I promise.

7. Suddenly I cannot handle owning clothes with colorful patterns.

I don’t have a capsule wardrobe, a uniform, or a minimalist style by any stretch of the imagination. But this fall I cleared my closet of clothes I didn’t wear and noticed a pattern (literally).

Ignore the fact that I kept way more than I got rid of. Until I decided to pay attention, I had not noticed that I just don’t wear floral patterns anymore. This will, I’m sure, keep me from buying something that catches my eye but I won’t actually wear.

See how reflection can save you money?!

8. I love to write books.

While I have known this since 2009 when I started work on my first book, this fall I wrote my fifth book and remembered all over again the joy of deep, undistracted creative work. I want more of that in 2019.

If you want a detailed explanation of how I reflect on my life every 90 days, you can listen to (or download the transcript of) Episode 61: Look Back: How Reflection Can Help You Make Better Decisions.

Welcome to What We Learned, where we pause to reflect on the past season before we move ahead into the future. At the end of this post, you’re invited to link up to your own list of what you learned this quarter – be it silly, serious, sacred, or just plain useful. I like to share a mix of all of those.

If you’re visiting for the first time from my podcast The Next Right Thing, welcome! We do this every quarter and will share our next list (What We Learned in Fall) on Friday, November 30. Grab your free printable list here to help you keep track and plan to share with us then. Now you can also share your list on Instagram using #wwlcommunity.

When I link to books, I use my affiliate links which, if you make a purchase means a tiny percentage helps support the work I do here at no extra cost to you. Now here are things I learned this summer in no particular order:

1. Making a To-Read list is my new stress reliever.

Because most of my reading is required reading right now, I have had to pause moving through my personal to-read list. But adding books to the list is comforting and gives hope that pleasure reading will come again!

I’ve linked to these books here in one of my Idea Lists.

2. Saying yes to collaboration just might lead you home.

Next week’s episode of The Next Right Thing is all about this (look for Episode 49: Collaborate coming September 4) but for now I’ll simply say collaboration doesn’t have to trigger memories of seventh grade group projects but can, in fact, help you become a more true and grounded version of yourself.

3. I know I’ve heard from God when I don’t feel ashamed and I’m not afraid.

Those are words are tweaked from Myrna Craig, as quoted on page 22 of Jan Johnson’s book, When the Soul Listens. Myrna actually said guilty instead of ashamed but I do think there’s an important distinction to make between guilt and shame. Guilt says I did wrong. Shame says I am wrong. So I changed the quote a bit to reflect that.

Still, I know that might not be exactly what we’ve grown up to believe about God.

But the more I walk with Jesus, the more I have come to believe that when he really wants me to know something, guilt and fear are not his way. His way may be corrective and disciplinary, but it’s always laced with the comfort of his love.

4. “There is enough for me and there is enough for you, too.”

My friend Jerome Daley said this at a workshop we hosted recently (you can learn more about Jerome here) and even though I’ve heard this sentence before, and even though I’ve said this sentence before, hearing him say it that Saturday morning when I was feeling particularly small and not in a good way, those words of abundance were just what I needed.

5. Thirty minute daily brainstorms are saving my life.

My idea brain hasn’t yet received the message that I’ve got stuff going on and I haven’t the time right now for new things. But it keeps generating ideas for every aspect of my work and I cannot possibly keep up.

Instead of slumping in discouragement with that constant feeling that things are falling through the cracks, I’ve decided to spend 30 minutes everyday to catch ideas on purpose. Here’s how:

• Choose a notebook for ideas only
• Pick one topic/aspect of work, for example Instagram stories, live events, collaborations, blog posts, podcast episodes, hope*writers, etc.
• Set a timer for 30 minutes
• Write down all ideas as they relate to the topic chosen
• Just before the timer goes off, write a short list of next actions to take

It’s not a perfect system (yet!) but it’s given me some relief from feeling like I’m missing things.

6. If you have serious writing to do, pick the shop with great coffee and bad WiFi.

This is self-explanatory. And all God’s people said Amen.

***

I keep track of what I’m learning by using my seasonal reflection lists. You can get your own printable lists for tracking your reflections by signing up right here. If you’re new around here and want to know what, how, and tools to track what you’re learning, check out A New Page for Your Bullet Journal.

Some linking tips: 

• Just use your name for the “link title” – it’s simpler
• Be sure to link back here on  your post so your readers can join in!

Y’all. We have so much to talk about. A royal wedding, Yanny and Laurel, a springtime snow, what your future self needs, not to mention all the things you’ve learned this season. So let’s get to it!

Welcome to What We Learned, where we pause to reflect on the past season before we move ahead into the future. At the end of this post, you’re invited to link up to your own list of what you learned this quarter – be it silly, serious, sacred, or just plain useful. I like to share a mix of all of those.

If you’re visiting for the first time from my podcast The Next Right Thing, welcome! We do this every quarter and will share our next list (What We Learned in Summer) on Friday, August 31. Grab your free printable list here to help you keep track and plan to share with us then. Now you can also share your list on Instagram using #wwlcommunity.

Here are things I learned this spring in no particular order:

1. I don’t mind a March snow.

That’s easy for me to say because it’s rare here in North Carolina. But it snowed in the middle of March this year and I found myself thrilled as I watched it fall down fast out my window, one last quieting, a final hush before spring.

2. On Downton Abbey, they never washed their costumes.

So basically they stunk all the time. They did have removable patches in the armpits, but I don’t like to think about this and also could that possibly have helped? This is a random fact I can’t forget.

3. Of all the gradual things in this life, watching as your kids grow up is perhaps the most exceptional.

The girls start high school in the fall and it feels equally shocking and like the most normal thing in the world. I have surprised myself with my current lack of overwhelm at this new impending life stage. Let’s see if it lasts.

4. If there’s something I miss from the past, I can find ways to invite it back into my life.

Rather than complain about how I miss “the old days of blogs” I went ahead and wrote a post like it was 2009. I loved every minute of it.

5. Your future self needs you to plan things before you think you need them.

One of the reasons those “old days of blogging” were so great was because it was how I met some of my current closest friends. Shannan Martin and I have been getting together for a writing/working/eating/talking weekend for five years now. This one was the hardest to find a date that works but we did it anyway and I’m so glad.

One year I go up north, the other year she comes down south. This was an “up north” year. Five years in a row and no plans to stop. I wrote more about this tradition two years ago (back in Chicago 2016) if you want to learn more about how we make it work.

6. When it doubt, take a walk.

Part two of that last one is Writing Day 1 in Chicago was a wash. It was our final day of our hope*writers launch so while I thought I could disconnect all day, that was unrealistic. I also just needed some time to settle in.

But Writing Day 2 started out with an early breakfast with Shannan, some inspiration from an Uber driver (that I ended up recording an entire podcast episode about), and a walk through parts of the city.

When I got back to my hotel room just before lunch, I was in a fantastic mood, ready to work. Sometimes it’s best to start first thing in the morning, but other times you need a little walk through the city to remember to see things from a new perspective.

7. “When the ego swells, the soul shrivels.”

Thank you, Dallas Willard, for these 7 words I’ll never forget.

8. If you have to decide between several things, pick what you like then see how it grows.

I put a lot of pressure on myself to make the “right” choice, but not every decision is between right or wrong. Sometimes it’s just this or that. I’m nearly 40 episodes into a creating a podcast all about decision-making, and this one line has hit a chord, both with me and so many of you.

9. I love black and white mugs.

Speaking of picking what you like, I’ve learned this season I’m just going to stick with the black and white mugs. I am happy about this.

And finally, the most epic and wonderful distraction of spring 2018:

10. We’ve learned what level of distraction and obsession we can (or cannot?) endure.

Lest you forget, this national debate about which name this voice was saying happened the same week as Meghan and Harry’s wedding.

You guys, we survived Yanny and Laurel and a Royal Wedding in the same week! I can’t believe the stock market didn’t crash or something. It’s a wonder we got any work done at all that week. I’m so proud of us.

***

I keep track of what I’m learning by using my seasonal reflection lists. You can get your own printable lists for tracking your reflections by signing up right here. If you’re new around here and want to know what, how, and tools to track what you’re learning, check out A New Page for Your Bullet Journal.

Some linking tips: 

• Just use your name for the “link title” – it’s simpler
• Be sure to link back here on  your post so your readers can join in!

Welcome to What We Learned, where we pause to reflect on the past season before we move ahead into the future. At the end of this post, you’re invited to link up to your own list of what you learned this quarter – be it silly, serious, sacred, or just plain useful. I like to share a mix of all of those.

If you’re visiting for the first time from my podcast The Next Right Thing, welcome! We do this every quarter and will share our next list (What We Learned in Spring) on Thursday May 31. Grab your free printable list here to help you keep track and plan to share with us then. Now you can also share your list on Instagram using #wwlcommunity.

Here are things I learned this winter in no particular order:

1. Leah Remini auditioned for the role of Monica Gellar on Friends.

I’m listening to Leah’s memoir Troublemaker on audible right now (and, side note, I feel like I could rock a Brooklyn accent after spending hours listening to her). She talks about how she got into (and eventually out of) Scientology and it is fascinating.

But she also shares a lot about her work as an actress and said when she didn’t get the part of Monica, she was devastated because she knew that show was going to be huge. Of course she was right.

2. Every now and then, friendship has a red letter day. But that’s not the norm.

Speaking of Friends, I went to college with these girls and our small group met on Thursday nights. We would talk about Jesus and pray and laugh. But some weeks we would skip all that and just watch Friends. (Because Thursday night at 8pm).

Every now and then, friendship has a red letter day – like a trip to NYC to see Hamilton for example. But the only reason that’s even possible is because of the years and years of regular life and small connections built over coffee dates and Zumba class and long stretches of ordinary time.

3. It’s a wild and wonderful thing to bump into someone and realize it’s you.

If you’ve never felt the shocking, delightful, tender relief of finally feeling like your true self, then this quote might sound strange.

When I heard our friend and teacher Fil say it at an Enneagram workshop we hosted a few weeks back, I nodded and cried.

Coming home can do that to a person. In the presence of God is where we find ourselves. And in the presence of our true self, we finally see God.

I dedicated an entire podcast episode to that this month here — 25: Come Home to Yourself.

4. When it comes to art, we don’t care as much about new; we just want true.

I cried in the car by myself the first time I heard Stay Alive (Reprise) on the Hamilton soundtrack. It’s the part where Alexander and Eliza learn their son Philip was just shot in a duel.

But seeing it acted out, right there in the Rodgers theater on Broadway? Welp. I cried like a b-a-b-y. It was Alexander and Eliza sing-repeating – “I know, I know . . . I know, I know.”

That’s what got me. It didn’t matter that I knew it was going to happen.

It didn’t matter that I have heard the song hundreds of times already.

What mattered was those actors were in it. It wasn’t a new scene to me. But it was a true scene. And that’s why it mattered.

5. If one kid is on a travel team, it’s a commitment for the whole family.

I knew this, but I didn’t know this. One of our girls is on a travel volleyball team this season and it’s equal parts super fun and super overwhelming.

It’s weird the stuff we do for our kids. We set aside our own agenda, our own grief, our own plans and comfort and ideas of what makes a productive weekend and we drive and sit and wait and pack lunches and stand around and carry bags and refill water bottles.

It’s all part of cheering our kids through all their things – wins, losses, and everything in between.

6. My favorite day of Christmas break is December 26.

While I used to dread the day after Christmas, it has officially become one of my favorite days. This year my family was still in town for one more night, we had no agenda but to watch Little Women and eat pizza and finish a wooden puzzle of Florence and have basically the best day ever.

7. I associate seasons in our life with TV shows.

It’s weird, but when I look back at my journals from a few years ago, I like to remember what shows we watched together during a particular season. Here are the shows we’ve watched this winter.

Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee: This is the best. We watch one basically every night.

This Is Us: Will we ever forget the episode after the Super Bowl? No we will not ever.

Stranger Things: We finally watched Season 1 and it took us this long because I was scared. But I stuck it out and it was so good. On to Season 2 now.

Good Witch: This show was our answer to the kids question of “is there a show we can watch together as a family?” It’s cheesy, predictable, no one is having sex or saying cuss words and it has townspeople (kind of). Check.

8. The ending does not get to define the whole story.

January 13, 2018 was the first day in 104 years that the sun rose on a world without John’s grandmother, Budder.

She died last month in a house fire. We believe the Lord was with her in her final moments and received her with tenderness and great joy.

At first the overwhelming sadness of how her life ended was too much – after all these years, a fire? Really? But the truth is, she’s been ready to be with Jesus, her husband, and her oldest son (John’s Dad) for decades now.

She had 104 beautiful, faithful years and one tragic morning that, in the truest reality, was the most glorious of her life.

If you want to read more about Budder:

• 100 Years of Budder
• How to Wait Well
• A dedicated highlight reel on my Instagram

***

I keep track of what I’m learning by using my seasonal reflection lists. You can get your own printable lists for tracking your reflections by signing up right here. If you’re new around here and want to know what, how, and tools to track what you’re learning, check out A New Page for Your Bullet Journal.

Some linking tips: 

• Just use your name for the “link title” – it’s simpler
• Be sure to link back here on  your post so your readers can join in!

Welcome to What We Learned, where we pause to reflect on the past season before we move ahead into the future. At the end of this post, you’re invited to link up to your own list of what you learned this quarter – be it silly, serious, sacred, or just plain useful. I like to share a mix of all of those.

If you’re visiting for the first time from my podcast The Next Right Thing, welcome! We do this every quarter and will share our next list (What We Learned in Winter) on Wednesday February 28. Grab your free printable list here to help you keep track and plan to share with us then. Now you can also share your list on Instagram using #wwlcommunity.

Here are 10 things I learned this fall in no particular order.

1. Jennifer Garner is a delight on Instagram.

Some people you follow for inspiration. Others because they are your friend or you want to learn from them or their feed is just pretty.

But Jennifer Garner you follow because she is a DELIGHT. I’ve always liked her, but that doesn’t always translate into an interesting instagram account. Thank you Jamie B. Golden for being our social media boss and telling us to follow this fantastic human. Every single time she posts, I smile. Not like, in my heart kind of smile. I actually smile on my face.

2. In a world that seems drunk on power, this:

“The flourishing of the vulnerable depends on the vulnerability of the flourishing.”

— Andy Crouch, as quoted in Shrink by Tim Suttle

3. The role of faith in learning is real.

About half-way through my first semester of grad school, my professor Tim Keel encouraged our class not to become overwhelmed with all of our reading. “Don’t become anxious. Read by faith. Trust God will bring it back around when you need it.” It’s been years since I’ve been a student, so those words were a lifeline for me in that moment.

4. I am a weirdo who loves cloudy, foggy days.

I belive I would do well in London. When I wake up and the cul-de-sac is covered with a  thick blanket of fog, I can physically feel myself relax on the inside. And if the sun starts to burn it off later in the morning, I physically feel disappointed. It’s so strange. It’s happened all my life, but it wasn’t until this fall that I realized it and named it.

5. Dropbox is saving my life.

I save all of my files in Dropbox now and it is a game changer. Amy Porterfield taught me how to be organized in Dropbox in an online class I took of hers (it’s not rocket science but evidently I needed someone to teach me these things).

I didn’t realize how much low-grade anxiety was coming from my lack of file organization. But now look! All my podcast episodes lined up pretty.

6. Just because you’re good at something doesn’t mean you have to do it forever.

You guys. I said that in Episode 13: Quit Something. And you lost your minds. Not really, but when I put this image on instagram, here’s what happened:

In the years I’ve been on Instagram, this image got the most response, two-fold that of my second most responded to image. That’s something to pay attention to.

I’m sure there are various reasons, depending on who you are, why this statement resonated. But one reason could be that we live in a world that celebrates starting, producing, winning, and follow-through but there are precious few times where we are encouraged to stop, to quit, or to reconsider an endeavor. Being good at something does not obligate us to commit to it forever or at all. You can listen to the 17 minute episode right here: Quit Something.

7. When making decisions for your home, sometimes waiting is a decision.

For years I’ve known I wanted to do something different in our 1960s bathroom but I just didn’t know what I wanted to do. So I waited. And waited. And it was a low priority. A year or nine went by and this year, I’m finally realizing what I really like.

There are about forty tile options I love (just search “black and white” tile on the Google). This one is called Kenzzi Paloma 8×8 Premium Porcelain. And because you might ask, the shoes are Pons by Avarcas USA in Taupe.

P.S. This image is my second most liked ever on Instagram so you know, that says something about us, too. Ha!

8. Chili with cinnamon rolls is a thing.

I spent a week in Wichita, Kansas for my residency and at the retreat center they served chili with cinnamon rolls. Like, as part of the dinner, not as the dessert.

I thought it was so strange that I put it in an Instagram story (of course I did) and heard from so many people who grew up on this. And not just Kansas! I heard from Iowa, Missouri, Colorado, and Nebraska, too. They even served this combo in school cafeterias! Wow.

9. Jonathan Edwards was Aaron Burr’s grandfather.

I am sure everyone else knew this but I did not! And now that line in Wait for It make’s sense: “My grandfather was a fire and brimstone preacher (preach-a, preach-a, preach-a) . . . ” Thank you, Hamilton soundtrack, for teaching me so much about Aaron Burr, sir.

10. Krispy Kreme gives a free donut for every report card A.

Never mind that donuts aren’t that expensive. This is so fun and I did not know this all this time! It almost makes me forgive them for their gross misuse of the letter K.

***

I keep track of what I’m learning by using my seasonal reflection lists. You can get your own printable lists for tracking your reflections by signing up right here. If you’re new around here and want to know what, how, and tools to track what you’re learning, check out A New Page for Your Bullet Journal.

Some linking tips: 

• Just use your name for the “link title” – it’s simpler
• Be sure to link back here on  your post so your readers can join in!