emily p. freeman

Creating space for your soul to breathe so you can discern your next right thing.

For When You Think You Might Be Doing Silence Wrong

We sit side by side in the early morning light, feet on sand, eyes to the horizon. The air rolls off the sea in bossy gusts, turns the pages of my book and my hair wild.

Hilton Head

We took the short walk from the beach house together thirty minutes before, chairs balanced on our shoulders, walking so as not to spill our coffee. And now we sit to wait for the morning show.

To wait is the point.

Still, I catch myself staring at a particular bright spot on the horizon and convince myself it’s the tip of the sun. The bright curve of morning seems poised to rise up like a promise, but it just sits there, unmoving.

Turns out what I thought was the sun is only a reflection on a cloud.

What gives? Isn’t it time?

I close my book. Tap my foot. Exhale a sigh and watch the sky again.

Even here on vacation, where the actual point is to slow down and rest, I learn all over again how both my mind and my body are still addicted to hurry.

“In the act of silence you’re not waiting for God to make a move. You’re becoming aware of the moves he is making.” – Brennan Manning

It’s possible to value silence and solitude and still be waiting for God to make a move rather than simply becoming aware of the moves he is making.

It might sound like the same thing but, for me at least, it isn’t.

It’s the difference between waiting for and being with.

It’s the difference between a huffy exhale and a slow inhale.

It’s the difference between tapping my foot and closing my eyes.

Because guess what is always on time?

The sun rises up in all her glory and not one of us on the beach has a solitary thing to do with it. We can’t speed her up, slow her down, or stop her coming. God set the world in motion and we spin on and on.

*  *  *

That was back in June, in the middle of our family vacation. Ever since it feels like I’ve been “waiting for my soul to catch up with my body,” Eugene Peterson style.

Three months, really Emily?

I don’t know if it’s my age or a delayed recovery from publishing four books in five years or the travel from the South Carolina coast to the Italian countryside to the stunning land of Israel and back again. But lately I’ve become aware of a gap between my desire and my ability to sit still without an agenda.

I know this is all part of life, all part of the ebb and flow and rhythm of being a person. That’s why it doesn’t disturb me, not really.

I keep showing up in my morning chair even though I tap my foot more than I close my eyes. I continue to sit in the presence of Jesus even though it feels like nothing more often than something. I continue to believe that faith “is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see” (Heb. 11:1)

If you feel like you’ve been doing silence and solitude wrong, you’re not. Just keep on coming. Keep sitting and listening and refuse to carry shame when you fidget and fight and nothing seems to change. If you need a little help, you might enjoy these 7 days of still moments, delivered for free into your inbox for a week.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  2. Well said, sis – it’s so difficult to not get down on myself when I realize that I have, once again, allowed my mind to drift away from the silence and onto things that simply are not important. But I still show up (most days) and try again, knowing that his faithfulness will outlast my pettiness, and that my continued acceptance of failure is just a new chance to know who I really am. Much love.

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  3. Thank you for this, Emily. I, too, squirm, fidget and wiggle in this season of learning to be still and wait. It helps to know I’m not in this boat all by myself. Beautiful pictures, by the way.

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  4. I’m wondering if you have considered making your blogs into podcasts? I tend to skim over your blog entries that come via email because I’m at work. But I listen to podcasts while I work. You have a soothing voice (I’ve listened to the podcasts that you did with your dad and sister), so it would be wonderful! Just a thought. I would be a listener, and I bet others would love it to. 🙂

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    • Ha! Well thanks for that, Missy. Glad to know that’s something you would enjoy. For now one podcast is enough for me 🙂

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  5. Emily, you are not the only one. Thank you for this post today. I’ve felt the same way this past summer. I’ve been trying to practice silence so I can hear God’s voice but it’s hard. I don’t know if it’s because I’m not being quiet and still enough when I try to hear Him because my mind drifts off in about 10 seconds thinking about millions of other random things or if it’s because He wants me to WAIT for some other reason. I figure though He wants me to keep practicing.

    This morning I was reading a book I recommend “I Come Quietly To Meet You” by Amy Carmichael arranged by David Hazard. I thought I’d share what I read today which encouraged me (and I hope whoever else reads it):

    The son greatly wished to make a “Song of Lovely Things” to sing to his Beloved – but he could not find singing-words. He heard the voice of his Beloved saying, “You are walking on the road where all who love Me walk. Some of them walked this way singing, and they’ve left their songs behind them. Find their songs. Sing their words. They will be your song to Me.”
    But the son became full of grief, because there came a day when he could find no words to sing – neither his own, nor those of others. And yet he wanted with all his heart and soul and mind to ascend to higher places, to stand in the presence of his Beloved….And He who is love eternal whispered, “Then I, too, will approach you, silent in my love.”
    And the son entered into this silence, to meet the eternal Beloved there…
    After a while there was a sound in the gentle stillness, a voice that whispered, “Even your silence is, to Me, a song of lovely things…”

    Psalm 42:8

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  6. I was so pleased to read what you had to say ~ that you were real and that all things do not always work as we would prefer. We/I should be content to accept our/my “silence” as it is and not as we think it should be.

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  7. So well said Emily. I have come to believe that our battle as mortals is the element of time, which will no longer exist in heaven!! I feel like I am always in a tug of war to capture and pin down “time”. But our God is in the eternal NOW and we will join Him as believers and shed this straight jacket of time forever!

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    • Jane,

      That is a great concept. Time. The one thing that we have now that we will not have in eternity. I need to meditate with this. How does it align with the idea of the Kingdom being actualized in the here and now by the members of His Body.

      Bill

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  8. My fidgeting and ADD and impatience are always challenged in the silence. But God is so much bigger than my disabilities! A verse in my song goes: I don’t know flats and sharps/I just write the words and sing/the music plays behind me/giving life to all I bring/and when I praise your name/and bring myself to you/your Spirit gives me life/in everything I do.

    Learning to listen and be still. Thank you for this Emily

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  10. Thanks for another lovely, thoughtful, and encouraging post. Your words are always both soothing and challenging to my heart. This learning to be still and silent and really listen is one of the most critical yet difficult disciplines for us as humans, I think. Perhaps that’s why he told us, “Be still and know that I am God.” If I can really just grasp that simple truth, my life would truly change.

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  11. I so love reading whatever you write. It feels like coming home. Like really being seen and understood. Like there IS someone else out there that gets me. Whose heart also needs a lot of time and space. This feels particularly meaningful today. Lately, my morning quiet times haven’t been so quiet. I have music on, I talk to God more than I listen. I feel the need to be doing something during that time or it doesn’t count…praying journaling, making art. All good things, but somehow they are starting to feel like ways to avoid just being, sitting, listening. Which is probably exactly what God is asking me to do, and exactly what I need. Inhale, exhale, repeat. Thank you.

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  12. I agree with you. One thing keeps me going, the thought that however bad my still moment is,it is a time completely shared with Jesus, I’ve stopped getting on with my activities and it is just me and Him.Like when you cuddle up with your husband but you think of the housework to be done. in spite of this, the main thing is to be with him.

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  13. As timely as it could have been, this post spoke volumes to me. I was working through the process of recognizing and appreciating smallness and slowness after taking a group of my girlfriends through Simply Tuesday last Fall. I felt a slow, steady shift in my thinking and then was thrust into one of the busiest, loudest seasons of life. Still in the midst of it, I forgot about the smallness until now. Refocusing my heart and mind this morning and praying for small glimpses of His greatness. Thank you for sharing your own journey with such transparency. ?

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  14. I very much related to your words…”I keep showing up in my morning chair…I continue to sit in the presence of Jesus…even though…”

    Me too.

    Thank you for this encouragement to keep coming to Him morning after morning.

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  15. Such a rich reminder for me this morning as I felt a halt in my heart to slow it down & read + rest. Glad I landed here, as I do often. Breathing deeper and may just have to sign up for the 7 days again my friend. xo

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  16. I struggle with this so often, too, but I’ve also been learning to be okay with the ebb and flow of life. Not every quiet time will be beautifully quiet, hearing profound thoughts from the Lord. Some days are like that, but some are just the showing up, reading His word, and drifting away. But He also says His word will not return void. I trust that He will accomplish His purposes regardless of my distracted brain and heart. The key is that I keep coming back.

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  17. Thank you Emily. Again your words are cherished. I too struggle in the silence and when I think I’m just looking at something such as the “S” on my fireplace mantel, the Holy Spirit speaks, “simple” and “soul sing”. I was just waiting on a Word from the LORD on how to be present in my actual life. There is so much to be said by waiting and by being aware of what the LORD is doing now and always. Words of Life are always around us.

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  19. I find myself often struggling with just being silent too. I think we all do, in the hurry up atmosphere we live in. What a great reminder to just take a deep breath in, slowly exhale and listen. We need to give ourselves permission to stop and rest. Thank you Emily, you are a gift to me.

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  20. Wow! What an awesome confirmation. I was just having a discussion with my best friend on Saturday on what to do when we are waiting on God to move. Yesterday in our Sunday class the lesson was taught on what to do when God is seemingly silent. Your words are from God to me. Thank you. You are such an inspiration and I truly admire your work.

    Brandee

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  21. LOVE this thought about silence not being waiting for God to do something but noticing what he’s already doing. Thank you. And yes, my stillness is often pretty full of noticing my own struggle to be still. But then the gracious reminder comes, “Carolyn Joy, let Me be God,” and sometimes letting him be God seems to mean just letting him love me and be his own compassionate self in the midst of my inability to calm my own heart.

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  22. Emily, your title felt like you were reading my thoughts. Thank you for assuring I’m not the only one desires to be still but struggles to stay still. That tension reminds me it takes practice and intention to stay present.

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  24. Emily, always love and relate to your words .
    I wrote two things down
    Addiction to hurry
    and
    I keep showing up in my morning chair ..
    Thank you for, in your words –
    with-ness
    Love Rach x

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  25. This is so beautiful. Letting your words float around softly and settle in my soul all while Oliver is napping right now! Your writing and kindness is a gift. And I love the sunrise photos

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  26. Emily,

    Very well put. That gap between where we are and where we desire to be is the potential and motivation for growth.

    Bill

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  27. Yes! I have been in a long season of pruning and waiting, and pruning and waiting some more, as I’ve realized slowly how strong my addiction to busy and hustle has become. And I keep thinking I’m coming out of this season, and it endures, and I prune and wait some more. In the in-between-space, I have relished opportunities to stop and rest and contemplate, but even in those opportunities, my thoughts so quickly turn to the “next” on my horizon. Your summer project – the seven days of still moments – was amazing, and it’s become more like my 37-odd days of still moments as I’ve re-listened to your posts, getting new insight and peace each time. So thank you, very much, for that, and I pray that we continue to sit, and wait, and listen, and even when we feel like we’re not getting it right, God will remind us that it only in the practicing that He will allow it to be “perfect.”

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  28. Dear Emily, Thanks for sharing these thoughts today….very timely for me as I am trying to slow down each day….reading Simply Tuesday….I always have been too busy..hard tochange but willing to work on me!
    Ellem

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  29. Thank you Emily for your thoughts and reflections and putting them into writing. So inspireing. I liked the way Brenneman worded it as well, the being attentive to the moves God is already making. So often we are there and wait or are being busy to make things happen and are not even aware of God’s perspective and the way he guides and moves and is already present.

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  30. Thank you Emily for your thoughts and reflections and putting them into writing. So inspireing. I liked the way B. Manning worded it as well, the being attentive to the moves God is already making. So often we are there and wait or are being busy to make things happen and are not even aware of God’s perspective and the way he guides and moves and is already present.

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  33. Exactly this, Emily: “lately I’ve become aware of a gap between my desire and my ability to sit still without an agenda. I know this is all part of life, all part of the ebb and flow and rhythm of being a person. That’s why it doesn’t disturb me, not really.” (Even the ‘not really’ part!) I, too, have felt like my soul hasn’t caught up with my body because one of them at any given point this summer as been all jacked up! (Read: church planting is hard. And amazing. And good. And exhausting. And hard.) 😉

    Thanks, yet again, for putting all my feels in to pretty words!
    ~K~

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  34. Thank you Emily. Benches inordinately remind me of you. PTL! My worried mind is constantly seeking, doing, wanting, even in the wait. But then only by His grace I recognize I’m not alone; that for brief moments I see the hand of my Savior deftly loving, gently teaching, skillfully molding this piece of clay. His masterpiece.

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  35. Thank you for these words. I can relate – and think your tapping foot for me is tapping fingers on my phone… I really need to put that away when I find my Bible. I can use so much time on my phone, often unimportant things, and am too tired when I finally put it away to read the Word. But I know I see God in his Word so often and am encouraged by that.

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  36. Emily it is the artist in you that is wise enough to recognize that there are times when we are to be still and reflective rather than be in motion. The artist always seeks to know the whys and wherefores, so this mess called life can be put into a perspective that makes sense.

    Once you are where I am, though, what you recall most fondly is the motion. Hindsight is so 20/20. Embrace it all, don’t waste a drop of any of it.

    Ecclesiastes 3
    To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
    2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
    3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
    4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
    5 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
    6 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
    7 A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
    8 A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

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  37. How is it, Emily, that you have the power to both bring a smile to my lips and tears to my eyes? Keep restlessly sitting with God – He is moving in and through you uniquely, and I am grateful that you share the flow and overflow with me. Your voice is fresh and new to my heart. Thank you.

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  39. As I have tried to practice being in the moment with God, I have felt the huffy breathed waiting.

    This is a deep breath for me, Emily. Thank you.

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  40. My struggle in the silence is my thoughts. I cannot seem to turn them off and they wander about relentlessly. I try to focus them on Him, on One Thing, but they lead me astray.
    Your words are an encouragement to me. It’s OK that you tap your foot. It’s OK that my thoughts wander. I just need to keep on trying and being grateful and fully blessed by the moments He shows me.
    Thank you 🙂

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  42. Thanks so much for the reminder that there is value in just the coming and attempting silence. Sometimes it is so hard to just be quiet! But God isn’t impatiently waiting for me to get it right! Aaah. Grace.

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  43. This was just what I needed today! I related to so much of what you said, especially “waiting for God to make a move rather than simply becoming aware of the moves he is making”. I know I can “slow down” because I know I should, and all the while my mind is waiting for the time I can get busy again. Great reminder of what it means to really slow down!

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  45. This landed “just right” with me today. I’ve been working on a set of verses for 31 days of Quiet because it seems like a skill set I need reinforced daily.

    My current go-to verse is “Better is a handful of quietness than two hands full of toil and a striving after wind.” Ecclesiastes 4:6

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  46. Emily, I just found your blog by way of your book Simply Tuesday. I have read and pondered and prayed and cried with the reading of it. Your words give my feelings clarity. Thank you. I sat quietly today with Jesus….. It was hard and good and so needed. God is at work, thanks for your book.

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  47. Someone duct tape me to a chair!!!! 😉 Seriously – a challenging discipline for a task-oriented, gotta-get-it-all-done kind of girl … me! Great example of our strengths also being our weaknesses. Thanks for the encouragement. Now, to be disciplined enough to schedule the time and actually sit still. Did someone say duct tape? Thanks for the encouragement, Emily!

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  48. Emily,

    You sound just like me: “Even here on vacation, where the actual point is to slow down and rest, I learn all over again how both my mind and my body are still addicted to hurry.” I was on vacation just 2 weeks ago and wanted to get up early and do stuff. Wanted to hurry through the day to enjoy each minute. I tend to carry that through my everyday life also! Can’t seem to sit still and wait on God to move–want it now!

    Blessings 🙂

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  49. Sigh. This darn message keeps coming up. Patient? I am not. Sitting still and waiting? Ugh. Honestly, I’d rather mop. I long for deep peace, yet I continue to allow my thoughts to overtake any sense of peace I get close to. I also want more on my planner and am tired of being “bored.” Why is it that what I want most I keep myself from keeping? Thank you for your message it is another one straight to my heart.

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