When I graduated from high school, my youth pastor gave all the seniors a book on the spiritual disciplines. Good girl that I was, I marked that book up in all the best ways, purposing to tackle a discipline a week for however long it took to become the best possible version of myself – prayer, scripture reading, fasting, etc.
I knew I couldn’t be perfect but I thought it would be alright to get closer than anyone else.
Several years of Bible college, marriage, and mothering later, I realized that good girl in my head was a perfectly annoying mirage and if I wanted to really know Jesus and BE A SANE PERSON, I had to go let go of my constant attempts at trying to earn my way and performing for acceptance.
One of the casualties of my good girl detox was shedding my misconceptions about the spiritual disciplines. I needed to give myself permission not to practice them for a while because I couldn’t figure out how to do them without thinking I was earning something.
The past several years have been a re-entry of sorts into the world of the spiritual disciplines. It’s different now – kinder, gentler, tender, and more free. My definitions have changed as has (I hope) my demeanor.
I now understand the fundamental truth beneath the spiritual disciplines, that “if a discipline is not producing freedom in me, it’s probably the wrong thing for me to be doing” (John Ortberg).
Reading about the disciplines in Living in Christ’s Presence, I was further struck at this perspective:
“Discipline depends on what you are training for. If you are training to win a pie-eating contest, what discipline will you have to engage in? Pie eating. If every day you eat as much pie as you possibly can, a year from now you’ll be able to eat much more pie than you could eat today.
So, what counts as a discipline depends on what I am training for . . . The whole purpose of disciplines is to enable you to do the right thing at the right time in the right spirit, so if something doesn’t help you do that, then don’t do it.”
In short, practicing a spiritual discipline is not about trying to earn something, prove something, or win.
Practicing a spiritual discipline is more about receiving power to live in the kingdom. It’s about training my mind and my will to practice what my heart deeply believes. It’s about knowing that each moment is packed with grace but sometimes I need practice to see it.
It’s about becoming the person I already am in Christ.
Really anything can be a spiritual discipline when we recognize the presence of God with us in it.
Last week I had a full day of work in front of me, but I decided when the kids got home, work would be put aside and I would practice the spiritual discipline of presence.
I recently wrote a post about the spiritual discipline of learning nothing. John Ortberg may not write a chapter about that particular discipline, but there it is, and it was good for me because it produced freedom in me and helped me to live more fully in the invisible kingdom of God.
A spiritual discipline may be something we do, but it may also be something we abstain from doing. For years now I’ve been writing under the tagline creating space for your soul to breathe, and I’m finally beginning to understand what that means. With the discipline of silence and solitude, I abstain from worry and hurry, teaching my body what it feels like to undo rather than always do.
But y’all, this weekend I took the disciplines to a new level as I began to sift through my clothes. I found some jeans I love in the bottom of my drawer, pulled them on and continued to tidy up around the house.
Ever so slightly, my mood began to shift. I started feeling irritable, discouraged, and not great about myself. When I retraced my steps, I realized why. My jeans were making it hard to breathe.
And because I’ve been thinking about my tagline a lot lately, and because I’m always aware of how the outer life affects the inner life, I quickly made the connection between breathing in my soul and breathing in my body.
In order to let my soul breathe, it’s good to be able to actually breathe. Literally. In my diaphragm.
Y’all, I’ve been wearing clothes that hurt me and it has got. to. stop.
So I had a DTR with my closet and we came up with an understanding we could both live with.
I will keep her clean and organized if she will stop harboring the enemy in the form of clothes that are too tight.
“Isn’t it amazing what we will do at our own expense? I’ve decided that even if I have to wear something with a stretch waistband the rest of my life, I’m not going to demean myself by wearing clothes that hurt me . . . No more bad pants.”
I started to make a pile of pants (and some shirts) that either physically hurt me to wear or caused me to feel badly about myself. As the stack grew, so did my confidence. I even logged into Stitch Fix to inform them I have moved one size up in pants and I may not be going back.
In those few moments in my bedroom, I was profoundly aware of the kind presence of Christ, that he doesn’t stop being relevant just because I’m cleaning out my closet. And while I still value taking care of my body and engage in other practices to maintain my health, I also want to be honest about my own expectations of myself and be careful not to compare my health to someone else’s.
I struggled with feeling oddly guilty about making something as trivial as getting rid of pants that are too tight into a spiritual practice. But then I remembered how life with Christ is about being a whole person, not pieced out into important parts and non-important parts.
In this one day I can carry both serious concerns in my soul and a pile of old clothes to the car.
Making that pile of clothes was a spiritual practice for me that day, finally taking the time to honestly confront some of the small ways I’ve been disrespecting myself by keeping clothes I don’t need and that don’t fit.
So I’m calling a truce with my jeans and practicing the spiritual discipline of wearing better pants. Is there anything you need to call a truce with? It’s Tuesday, so maybe it’s a good time to remember how Christ is with you in every ordinary moment, no matter how small. Are there any unconventional spiritual practices you might need to engage in to remember that?
I’ll be on Instagram sharing some of my own moments using #itssimplytuesday. I hope you’ll share yours, too.
I just need to confess that I’m coveting that fur vest (?) in your closet, and – as I’m sitting here working in yoga pants – could not agree with this post more (though I promise I am actually going to yoga today). God has asked me to slow down & savor this year, and it’s making me notice all kinds of things that make my mood change, from being too cold or too hot, to feeling rushed in the morning or not exercising, and I’m taking note & taking care of myself. No bad pants – or uncomfortable temperatures – allowed.
I mean it’s all so basic. But it’s like I’ve been waiting for a grown up to tell me it’s okay to get rid of things. Spoiler Alert: I’M THE GROWN UP.
Glad to have company on the journey, Crystal.
I’m right there with you. I only recently got rid of some clothing items which have been hanging in my wardrobe for over 20 years! They haven’t fit for most of that time, but I’d never given myself permission to let go and move on. And always that reminder that I’m no longer the size I used to be. Yikes!
Crystal, I was thinking the same thing about the vest! Thank you Emily, for sharing this. What a blessing! If the book was Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster I have my own marked-up-read-re-read copy. I also have the workbook, bless my heart.
Bye now. Going to get rid of clothes that make me sad. I have many.
You have no idea how much I love this post. Yea and amen, amen. Kudos to tiny little you for choosing comfort first. There is so much to be said about feeling good in our own skin, isn’t there? And it has nothing to do with vanity — it has to do with mental and spiritual health and well-being. I am on the opposite end of this truth — sifting through my closet to get rid of clothes that are now too big for me. But the principle is THE SAME. Maybe (I hope) for the first time in my adult life, I am allowing myself to be seen in the world without as many layers of protection. Maybe I am learning to trust that I will be safe, and that I don’t have to be the biggest person in the room in order for everyone else to be safe, too. Thank you, Emily, for consistently telling the truth here, and doing so in a way that is warm, reflective and inviting.
Pants that don’t fit, masks we wear in hopes of being “that Christian woman” — Yup, it’s time for them to go.
So often our “spiritual self” finds its expression in the physical; therefore, I don’t think you’re stretching it (unfortunate verb choice?) at all to see this purging of the closet as a spiritual discipline.
I am SHARING this post on my fb page..just on my own timeline-I’m not sharing with specific people only everyone!
I would love to occasionally share a post or a paragraph on my blog. What is your policy in this regard?
I love you! I love this post! I love the spiritual disciplines of kind clothes and lesson-less moments! And apparently I also love exclamation points today!
{Also, I found myself wanting to dig through your pile of cast-offs.}
Well, of course I adore everything about this. It IS truly remarkable what we will do at our own expense and then how liberating it is when we finally face certain realities we’ve been avoiding and we honor ourselves by living in the truth. You’re a star, Emily. Thank you for this beautiful post and for the ways you are living and writing. Inspiring.
I AM OBSESSED WITH THIS POST!!!!
yay!!
True message! It’s amazing how God can be found in anything we do!
I was wondering, Mrs. Freeman, if you’ve ever read the book Do Hard Things, by Alex and Brett Harris. I read it last fall and was wondering your opinion on it. You said
“With the discipline of silence and solitude, I abstain from worry and hurry, teaching my body what it feels like to undo rather than always do.”
Alex and Brett on the other hand, advocate for the death of complacency, and using our stupendous energy (especially in our teen years) to do all we can while we are blessed with this short life on earth. Of course they recognize that giving ourselves some personal God-time is an important and necessary hard thing, and while not wearing uncomfortable clothes is good, Alex and Brett put the emphasis on being known for what we do accomplish, not for what we don’t do.
If you haven’t read Do Hard Things, I highly recommend, it’s a fast and inspiring read. But it is quite a contrast to your book, Graceful: letting go of your try-hard life. 😀
I think it’s not what you do/don’t do that matters, but the motivation behind it…
I can relate. I have found myself throwing on very comfortable yoga clothing on Mondays. I do this to help me face washing all our linens and the grocery shopping. 🙂
LOVE this post. And you. I continue to be amazed by the spiritual insight and wisdom you have with the daily patterns of our lives. Like getting dressed. Thank you for making me more aware & more willing to look at them honestly. You are such a blessing in my inbox, on my shelf, on my nightstand & my life 🙂 xoxo
Love this. For so many reasons. Especially the grace you’re practicing giving yourself. Today you accomplished exactly what you’d hoped: you provided much-needed space for my soul to breathe.
“I now understand the fundamental truth beneath the spiritual disciplines, that ‘if a discipline is not producing freedom in me, it’s probably the wrong thing for me to be doing’ (John Ortberg).” This is such a good reminder, Emily, and a great post! And I’m with you on the no-pants-that-hurt thing. Jeggings are the best, I’m totally not kidding.
Thank you! I finally fit in my pre-baby jeans only to be pregnant again! Praise God! So glad to remember this today. Thank you for helping me unhurry and unworry!
I’m still on the hunt to find the jeans that don’t demean me at 52 and make me feel like I’m less than because I can’t fit into pants that only a 20 year old stick could fit into. Heaven help me. Literally. This will be my new prayer. Because wearing pants that make me feel bad about myself just isn’t in the cards right now. If I feel crappy about myself cause of tight jeans, how do I look at others? Uh huh. You got it!
Love this post, Emily, and am adding it to my “Best Blog Posts Ever” board on Pinterest.
I’m 54 and totally with you, Lynn, on every point you made. 🙂
Emily, your words resonate so loudly and joyfully within me, I’d swear that I’m your long lost twin. Surprise! (I know, I know, unlikely especially with that I’m a whole lot older than you detail!) 🙂
Well, I needed to hear this! Not sure why I keep trying to squeeze myself into ill-fitting clothes. The thing about Stitch Fix really hit a nerve. I had to move my size up last spring with them and it almost killed me!! But it sure was nice to get things in my box that fit right instead of having to send everything back!!
Pants are not one size fits all, not even in the same size. I wonder why we expect that spiritual discipline to be uniform?
I adore this post and your disciplines. Grace and blessings to you on your journey.
Oh yeah, Emily.
My closet is barer than it’s ever been and I’m still working on releasing what just isn’t cutting it for me anymore. It’s a continual process. And I’m good with that. If some article of clothing doesn’t fit my body well in this season of life, it’s outta there. If it’s not soft and fleece-y, warm and stretchy, I’m simply done with it.
Because I’ve discovered that I don’t need a huge array of clothes.
Just the ones that call my name.
I love this post in so many ways.
I have too have devised plans to tackle all the spiritual disciplines…just typing
those words seems so foolish but that is where I sat for many years and I try not
to wander back to this position.
I just took many bags to Goodwill yesterday and my closet is so empty but so life-giving and freeing.
I can see what I love to wear and not what doesn’t fit or makes me look in the rear view of my past life instead of outfitting myself with today…today’s Helen and today’s style.
I have been reading The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up and the author’s question of “what sparks joy?” when it comes to our stuff has been liberating.
Thank you Emily!
This is so good…I recently bought all new pants in a size larger because I was tired of feeling like I was fat. I gained less than ten pounds, but those old pants were so tight, that I constantly felt bad about myself. It’s so freeing to wear pants that at least mostly fit. I also recently purged my closet and am living with less and not buying anything unless I love it! What a blessing….
This was SO helpful for me today. Thank you for writing this!
This title sounded so strange, but by the end I was nodding my head. Thanks.
You know, this Saturday I wore jeans. I hate jeans because they do not fit me like the perfect Old Navy Khakis do that I wear every day for work. I felt less and less of a person and by the time my 3 o’clock appointment rolled around I had changed into baggy clothes to compensate for the way I felt about me.
Thank you for this post. I am going home and again dumping out my jeans and filtering through the ones that I hope to someday fit well because in the real aspect of things, they may not and its just stuff sitting around in my home.
DTR. I. Am. Dying. ????????
Last fall I went through my closet and gave away a bunch of clothes. I had a friend be my “critical eye” and it was helpful. Some things I wanted to get rid of and she would say “Oh, but you can wear that with this” or something like that. So, I kept some things that I should not have. I realized a few weeks ago that those pieces don’t make me feel good when I wear them and I should get rid of them.
This post prompts me to do so!! Thank you, Emily, for always sharing the truth in a real and transparent way.
Just found your blog a few days ago and I’m totally hooked.
Ps. The following statement is 100% right on.
“Really anything can be a spiritual discipline when we recognize the presence of God with us in it.”
Wonderful post! I SO get this! I’ve never put words to it, but making my bed is a spiritual discipline for me. (Don’t laugh). Ten years ago I committed to making my bed every morning. I was sure I’d fail. But it caught, and now it’s a joyful daily reminder of God’s presence and grace and empowerment. Thanks for your words, Emily!
I couldn’t even begin to tell you how much I understand the re-entry into spiritual disciplines. I call it re-learning and it’s what I’ve been doing these past years as well. I was doing the disciplines out of fear that if I failed, people and God won’t love me as much. I had to re-learn how to pray, read the Word, fast, and even how to fellowship with other believers. I’m still re-learning, but I totally agree that it feels different now. Like you said, more gentler and freeing. More grace living. I have a new wineskin. Finally figured that one out, ha! It’s funny because I’ve been praying for God to give us (me and Him) a new relationship with each other, and He has. It took me a while to realize it, but now I try to live in it. I love this quote you wrote from Ortberg, “if a discipline is not producing freedom in me, it’s probably the wrong thing for me to be doing.” Thanks for that 🙂 Freedom is my One Word this year and this quote is going up on my wall!
God doesn’t stop being relevant just because…
YES. This is gold. Pass the yoga pants.
I LOVED this post. (Do I wrote that at the begining of every comment I leave here?) I too had to walk away from rigid spiritual disciplines for awhile, until they stopped threatening to define me – and have recently been picking up spiritual practices that strenthen my relationship with God. I’m glad to know I’m not the only one!
I love that you practiced the presence in your closet! I have had so many conversations with God as I’m getting ready in the morning. I remeber one time hearing him say “your insecurity doesn’t bring me glory” and that became a defining moment for me. Even though my insecurity tends to come in the form of hiding instead of flaunting – still my huge sweater doesn’t display His beauty any more than someone else’s skimpy skirt.
what a refreshing post! i love this idea of letting go of the spiritual disciplines that are no longer from the spirit. and listening. and being in tune. thank you so much for sharing and for creating the space for others to do the same. i will officially have a DTR with my closet in the coming week… and i shared a teaser to your post over at inspowoman.com. thanks for being so beautifully you, emily!
As I read this, I was actually wondering if you were going to address the issue of modesty for women. Maybe I’m the only one who thinks that tight clothes qualify for the Scriptural mandate to dress modestly. (I Timothy 2:9)
Seeing Christian women going everywhere in leggings that are scantily covered with tops that reveal too much seems to be over-the-top in not being concerned that we might make our Christian brothers stumble with lust in their hearts.
I rarely comment because I need time to process before laboring over a few lines I could write in response. I will definitely be picking up my journal and a pen to think on the freedom held out in this post. But I want to simply say thank you. Truly this meets me exactly where I am at and I am thankful for you giving words to what God is stirring in me. I have been happily living in yoga pants for years because of many of the exact reasons you listed, breathing being a particularly good one. 🙂
For me, it is time to call a truce with my house being a mess more often than not, my laundry being ridiculous. There I said it. And before I launch into over-explaining, I will just say thank you for inviting me to a truce. And the funny thing is, I am off to do the dishes and pick up toys now. But God is working freedom in me as my soul stops clawing at “clean and organized.” I am finding the kindness of Christ to be more satisfying than a mopped floor.
I loved this post! What struck me most of all was not only the pants, but this line,
“I struggled with feeling oddly guilty about making something as trivial as getting rid of pants that are too tight into a spiritual practice.”
I think Brother Lawrence settled that for us when he made a spiritual practice of washing dishes and cleaning up! 🙂
I love that you did it with your closet.
Because God never says, “Oh, she’s just cleaning out her closet, I think I’ll leave her now and run get a quick cup of coffee.”
He’s with us when we’re living the ordinary moments of our lives, so it’s in our best interest to recognize that and intentionally invite him into every moment…even and especially when we’re doing the so-called trivial.
Hope you’re having a wonderful weekend! Thanks for this post!
The more I read from you the more I fall in love with your gentle reminders to live a beautiful life! I wrestle with so much guilt in my closet–guilt that some stuff isn’t the ideal size and guilt that I spent money on it so I must keep it. What silliness! I simply adore your reminder that our lives in Christ are not to be compartmentalized. Thank you for this, you sweet, amazing writer!
I am not even kidding. I took off my pants yesterday and put on sweats because I COULDN’T EVEN THINK STRAIGHT! I said, “What are you DOING to yourself?!” They felt all funky and crooked and one pant leg felt was too short. sweet, sweet relief to get those suckers off!
Therefore, I almost fell over when I read this today…how funny that it would be about this! I think I have read your blog about 3 times over the past several years (WHY? I don’t know. I’m adding you to my feedly rightafterthis!), and one of the OTHERS was about synesthesia. Which I also resonate with! Maybe we’re long lost relatives with the dancing days of the week & the malicious pants.
Beautifully said. I love how you recognized that you were disrespecting yourself. I don’t think I have thought about wearing jeans that were hurting me in that particular way before, and I love it! Thanks for the food for thought today.
“In those few moments in my bedroom, I was profoundly aware of the kind presence of Christ, that he doesn’t stop being relevant just because I’m cleaning out my closet.” ….yes, I love that I am not the only one that experiences Christ like this- in the big, and the small! This is my first visit, via AoS….I loved this post. Thank you for your honesty!
Good morning! When I read this article I had to smile! Just the other day I too was putting on pants and realized that they are not comfortable anymore. So I went through my closet and tried on almost everything and made a pile to get rid of. I even went to American Eagle yesterday and bought new jeans! I was proud of myself for accepting that it was time to be comfortable and not feel like my organs were being squeezed. I even bought a pretty top and cute socks! Really enjoyed this post!