Every afternoon, we walk. And most of the time, I hear myself telling him Hurry up, we’re gonna be late. We don’t want to keep the girls waiting. And his legs, growing for only a little over four years, quicken for a few steps. But then he sees a stick or a pointy leaf and must stop to touch, to pick up, to handle the wonder.
They’re like magnets, his little hands to nature. And just last week, in a stroke of brilliance, I thought Hmm. Perhaps I should leave 10 minutes earlier. Maybe I should consider scheduling in time for the wonder. So we did. We left early, we walked slow, we stayed silent, we stopped. It was all a part of the plan, and so we were sure not to miss it.
For two years, that’s what Tuesdays Unwrapped was here. We scheduled time to think about the wonder, to consider the gifts, and to unwrap them with our photos and our words. I’ve missed it. And I don’t know what else to say about it. I’m not in a place where I can start it back up, but I haven’t had the heart to take down the page in the navigation about it yet.
Because the kids have been home sick for so many days, I think a lot about what I have to do, but am unable to do as much with all the needs. But sick brings a hidden blessing along — a slowing. Time pours out of bottomless buckets and the clock ticks slow days away, days of jammies and soup and giant blanket forts. And I’m with them, but I’m not always here. I have to fight to stay in the moment. I fight the pull of the list, the email, the laundry, the window-staring. I look at the clock and promise myself For the next 20 minutes, I will sit here without getting up. And I will play cars.
Before I had babies, I never dreamed that play would be such hard work. I imagined endless days of wonder, the kind I felt on Friday nights when I would babysit for two hours and travel back to the days of Disney movies and footed pajamas. And I’d dream pink frilly dreams of my own someday family. I never imagined that I would have to fight to keep the wonder.
But fight, I do. It’s a messy fight, not at all consistent. I cry about that sometimes, about my inability to stay in this day, this moment. But I try not to dwell on my lack, try not to embrace the shame that threatens to overwhelm. Instead, I think about the wonder, about this moment, and about the God who gives good gifts. Thankfulness can chase away a thousand thoughts of shame.
Can you relate with this wonder fight?
Wonder is always hard work.
In every season.
“Unless you’re like a little child …”
Beautiful post.
May you have a wondering day.
I often wonder why it is such a struggle for me to slow down and play barbie, or babies or just sit on the floor and be part of thier beautiful play. I always thought also that I would be the mom who knew to play with her kids and enjoy it. But SOMEHOW the to-d0 list wins. It seems awful to actually write, but the dishes, the extra laundry to squeeze in, the bathrooms, the school work, the business, the “hurry ups” that I ALWAYS say, they come first. Don’t get me wrong, everyday I quiet myself with them and hunker down and read and snuggle, but I really hoped it would be more. I try to stop and enjoy thier wonder more, enjoy and say yes to thier play time more, I just wish there was a maid and cook coming so I could enjoy it more and worry less about how it was all going to get it done. I completely relate.
Now that my own kids are teenagers with little time for mom, I find myself wishing I’d spent more time in their moments and wonder. I can’t get that time back– those days of bandaging boo boos, tying shoes, bathing, and mounds of laundry. I was so caught up in the busyness. I make myself slow down now to capture their now fleeting teen moments. You’re wise to seize the day… you won’t regret it.
Oh, Heidi, I can so relate. My younger 2 are 18 and 20, still living at home going to college locally. I try my best to be *present* when they are open to talking (which usually comes around 11 pm!)
Take the time to see the wonder!
Bernice
I can relate with both of you, Heidi and Bernice.
I blinked and somehow my kids turned into teenagers. Wonderful, loud, silly and serious teenagers. Now I pray and ask God to give us time to connect AND make me see the opportunities when they come and grab them. Otherwise, I’m not awake to the moments. Yes, and why is it always at 11pm at night….
God did surprise us with a 4th child 10 years ago who I get to tuck in at night with snuggles, butterfly kisses and prayers.
Having said all that, though, I still wrestle with the wonder fight. Thank you Emily! I needed this today.
I can totally relate to this and I love it. This is a beautiful post that speaks to my heart. I hate that as adults, it’s a struggle and we have to schedule time for wonder. (I love that you did this!) If only we could recapture the natural wonder of a child.
Yesterday I was home because of snow. I decided to make the most of it and worked. I told my wife I needed to work and she was cool with it. When it came time for our son’s nap he came and gave me a hug. (love those). She told me after she got him to sleep that he asked for me to put him down for his nap. She told him daddy had to work. Suddenly the work was unimportant and I felt a sense of loss. I made sure to play with him all the harder when he woke up.
“and I felt a sense of loss.”
That’s a perfect way to describe it! When I don’t take those opportunities (which is often, unfortunately), I feel that loss almost every time… sometimes it’s immediate, or sometimes it’s when I’m in bed, replaying the day.
But I never regret not checking something off my to do list if I’ve spent that time playing with the kids.
I had another chance at redemption this evening. It was time for bed. Our son was having a hard time calming down. He was frustrating his mom. I looked at him, got his attention, smiled, and invited him to snuggle up with me. He giggled and rolled over to me. I put down what I was reading and thoroughly enjoyed the moments as we laughed together. He settled in and he drifted off to sleep. Those moments are precious.
Oh precious girl, YES, I can most certainly relate. And I too, “try not to dwell on my lack.”
I love that you were prompted to leave 10 minutes early to enjoy the moments and not rush.
I believe if we listen for these prompts and respond more often, more often they will come. And most blessed we will be.
(That sounded a little Yoda-ish)
Yes, I can and I don’t want to miss the wonder.
oh emily, i can SO relate! why does checking off the to-do list seem to bring more of a feeling of accomlishment than taking the time to love on my babies, to stop and wonder with them? after all, they are a gift from God, gifts that will too soon be gone and on their own. and yet, it is a daily battle for me to take the time to play with them…it really can be an inner battle. but on those days when i do take the time to snuggle up with them and a book, how sweet it is…to watch those little fingers turn the pages, to watch their faces light up when something good happens in the book, to feel them scoot as close to mommy as possible…priceless. so why do we forget?
thank you for sharing this today and for motivating me to make more of an effort to wonder…..
~patty
Love and appreciate your honest here.
Sometimes I miss the gift even as I’m getting hit over the head with it.
Yesterday in her last minute rush out the door high school daughter informs that I am needed as a driver to a nearby city for after school vball game.
Heavy sigh. First time, long story of reasons why I’m not on the list, but still. Grade school sports, I’m there. High school, they don’t always want you .
I reluctantly mapquested , huffed and puffed , put on a smile. Showed up. She laughed as her and friends spilled out to go in, “You’re going to stay in the car and read? ” ” It makes more sense than staring into space for an hour ” she doesn’t play and well, that’s me.
An hour later, a stiff and cold but content mama unlocks car to let daughter in.
” Oh, mama. I played the whole game!!! I kept looking for you. ”
yeah. still tearing up thinking about it.
o gracious. That’s a tough one, Deb. We’ve all lived those moments. she played the whole game?! Thanks for sharing this. So much.
Yes. I relate.
I have to fight to engage, not to daydream. To let them know, to let them always remember that I was fully there, listening and playing and joining in their first-time observations.
I only have one shot at this mothering thing, with each of them.
And I want to do/be the best that I can.
But for the grace of God…
Thank you for your words. It’s so nice to know that we’re not alone in our struggles, you know?
This post describes me very well. Having three sons, I have struggled to enjoy playing cars, trains and sports. I always imagined myself playing dolls, Barbies and school! I have learned to give them the time right away and that they then feel satisfied so I am able to dash off to do other things.
Thanks for your honesty!
Oh, yes, I can relate!!
The wonder fight gets even harder when they become teens/young adults… and everyone has his/her own schedule. And I can go weeks without feeling like I’ve connected… and they breeze in for an hour to do laundry, and there’s SO MUCH I want to fit into that time!
But I listen to their ramblings – to what’s important in their world at the moment. And I enjoy the sound of their voices in my kitchen.
They’re like locusts! They come, they are, they leave.
And if I’m not careful my thoughts can too easily focus on the clean-up I’ll need to tackle when they leave instead of their presence.
yes, oh yes. I relate to the wonder fight.
Absolutely! Just this morning on my way into work I was praying and asking God to help me to enjoy more the things that they enjoy. I too want to slow down and enjoy the wonder! What a blessing it was for me to come in and read this posting! God is so good.
Boy can I ever relate. In fact, my husband and I were just talking about this same thing last night. I never dreamed staying home all day and playing with my toddlers would be so much work! I’m convinced I’m more tired than they are at the end of the day! 😉 I’m blessed beyond measure, but it is a hard road. Every time I have a moment that I wish would hurry up so I can get back to what I “need” to be doing (or what I think I need to be doing), I remind myself silently that they are only little once and I refuse to say one day, “I wish I had……blank” Ya know? Every night, my 3 year old wants me to sing this meledy of Disney Pixar/Randy Newman songs. I do. But, then he calls me back in there to sing “one more time”. I never tell him no. Because one day he won’t want that. Ok, I think this is the longest comment in history, so I’ll go now. Have a wonderful day, Emily! Blessings, Cat (from CIC)
I don’t know if I ever said it out loud, but that was one reason I was not sure about the kid thing. I don’t like to play. I like to read. Or talk. But we would visit Mike’s sister and there would be endless games and it would drive me crazy. Even filling an hour here and there for a baby has been hard. I am diligently giving him tummy time and reading him stories and playing peekaboo in the mirror. But it’s some of the longest hours of my life.
Kari, what you said. Omigoodness. What you said. But here’s the thing, in this making of a mama, all we’re really called to do is find the people in our littles. We’re not called to be every other mama – we’re called to be US, because God gave our babies to US, knowing that we were exactly what they would need in a mama to become the people He intended them to become. Something that I have found that really helped me with mine – and let me tell you, I am JUST like you when it comes to kids and play – is sharing my own wonder. What Emily is saying, about stopping myself, remembering my wonder – I needed that. Just make room for A in your world – he just wants to be with you now. And for now, that is seriously enough.
Wonder is my One Word for 2011 and since grabbing onto it – I feel like I have lost all the wonder.
“Maybe I should consider scheduling in time for the wonder”
This is a great idea… maybe I need to do this…
So many mornings I read your posts and it’s like you are in my head… leading me with your words to consider new avenues of creativity, of sacred spaces, and now of wonder… thank you Emily!
Oh yes, I can relate. Thanks for sharing your heart!
Wow. You nailed it. I struggle with this every day. It’s hard for me to sit down and just enjoy playtime. I battle constantly with what needs to be done next or what I want to do next, which usually doesn’t involve playing the villain to my son’s Batman. I find it’s easier to just “be” with him when we’re out, because when I’m home, I turn into a 1950’s mom: cooking, cleaning, doing the laundry and asking him to “go play, honey.” It’s a part of myself I don’t like.
Fighting the good fight – remaining tender, remaining sweet, remaining “filled with wonder” – an uphill battle at times but (especially as artists) must be fought!
Yes, I so hear you. I have to make rules for myself. Stay at the park at least an hour… sit and make a dinosaur with your hand for at least 15 more minutes… it’s a struggle, but so worth it.
Oh, I so relate with the wonder fight. I have 3 little girls, 6, 4, and 10 months. And between all I need to do to stay a good mom(cleaning, cooking, laundry), I miss out on a lot of the time of just being a present mom, which makes me a better one anyways. Laundry, dishes, vaccuming and so on should wait. However, sadly my own children take a back seat to those things. We need a good does of wonder, they are only little once. Great post and to all who are fighting for wonder. Fight the good fight!
Blessings!
Read a quote by GK Chesterton about two months ago that I’m still thinking about, its all about the wonder and goes something like this:
Fairy tales make rivers run with wine only to make us remember for one wild moment that they run with water.
Yes, yes and yes, Emily. It seems the “hurry” is all around me now; everything I’m reading lately has me convicted to SLOW DOWN!! And I so need that. I am currently also reading Ann Voskamp’s One Thousand Gifts and between that and your beautiful post, I am undoubtedly hearing Him encourage me to “stop and enjoy the wonder.” My two babies teach me this without even knowing it on a daily basis – I wish I could explain to them how wise they are already. In fact, I blogged (albeit briefly) about it earlier this week. My prayer today: Lord, help me to pause and savor the wonder of today and avoid the hurt the hurry causes.
Blessings!
SOOO true… My daughter was just “down” with the chicken pox for 12 days and WOW~ the peace that came with it…
“I never dreamed that play would be such hard work. ”
ME. TOO.
And I realize now why my own mother never played with me… and her mother never played with her… and I am trying so hard to not let that “tradition” continue.
And may I quietly say here… Your Tuesday’s Unwrapped is what started me blogging. I was in a pretty dark valley and God used it to help me find the positive and to just keep going. For a long time it was the only thing I participated in. I praise the Lord for your ministry in this space, because it IS a ministry. It is your mission field and God uses it in ways you can never imagine.
I also completely understand your heart and priorities. Thank you for the time we did have enjoying Tuesdays Unwrapped.
{hugs} to you Emily…
My husband and I don’t have kids yet and as I was reading this post today, the back of my mind filed it under “good read, not relevant to my life right now…”. But God had other ideas. I was QUICKLY reminded of last night with my husband. We just finished eating and he wanted to sit and relax on the couch with me and just enjoy a brief moment watching TV – something we rarely do. I blew it off telling him I had a return to Target I had to get done and had to make it to the grocery store for turkey meat for lunch… I missed that moment of connecting with him. I missed the wonder of loving someone and just wanting their time. It breaks my heart thinking of that right now – my actions told him he wasn’t a priority or the most important thing.
Emily, thank you for this post! God has used it to show my little life BIG things today!
Blessings to you –
Sarah
Amen. We do lose the wonder. We lose the wonder of magic, and miracles, and fairy dust, and angel wings, and sometimes we lose the wonder of – even – God. Faith is easier I think before the life entangles us with worry, and pain, and its messy fight.
The faith of a child – that’s what Our Lord said was needed. You have touched upon that today. I heart that your words.
Emily, thank you for this today
God Bless and Keep you and your family
I can relate. My son used to always want me to play Legos with him and my daughter wanted to play Beanie Babies. I tried, but I, too, found it to be hard work. To stay in the moment, to not get bored, to not think about all I needed to do, to revel in their sense of wonder.
Now the Legos and Beanie Babies are packed in the basement. And I would love for someone to want to pull them out just one more time and play. Don’t think I’d have much problem getting in touch with that sense of wonder this go round.
I can also relate to what Deb said about missing the game her daughter played in. Once my teenage son was playing a baseball game, one of many, and I felt I could miss out on this one because “I had so much to do and was so behind.” My husband called and said, “He just hit a home run!” This was a big deal for my son–huge in fact. A few minutes later my husband called with another good report. I felt so guilty and eventually packed up and went to the ballpark. I arrived in time to see my son hit his one and only grand slam and be crowned MVP of the game. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for the whole game.
Anyway, I feel like I’m rambling, but I want to impress on all the mommies, regardless of the age of your children, to embrace the wonder of your child.
First off, I have to thank you so much for your site. My mom and I recently discovered it and it has been an INCREDIBLE blessing to us both. Seriously, you have no idea, and I’m getting teary just saying so. This post could not have come at a better time. While my husband and I have no kids yet (Lord willing soon, though), I struggle so much to stay in the moment, to enjoy the right nows of our life together. Since I got married at 29, sometimes I feel like I’m in a constant and unspoken catch up mode, which is ridiculous of course, but nonetheless present. I actually have a little note on my mirror that says, “Enjoy right here, right now” which helps somedays, not at all others. It’s hard to not always be looking towards the next phase of life (marriage, kids, retirement, etc.), particularly because our moments, our phases, are so fleeting. Thanks for such a timely reminder this morning and for all of your posts. I’ve been scouring the archives and receiving such encouragement. Thank you so much, Emily.
It is a constant struggle to be to busy to play and to see the wonder. One of my daily challenges, so much I want to accomplish in a day that is left undone. One of my favorite songs says it like this:
But I won’t worry, cause there’s no hurry.
The world’s not passing me by.
Cause the Lord he knows, just where each day goes.
I know he won’t leave me behind.
And I won’t be bringing a single thing my heart can’t carry inside.
Cause I’m going home and I’m only taking my time.
May you be blessed with unhurried moments today!
Susan Ashton 🙂 Takes me back to college, that one!
oh wait…not Susan Ashton…the other one…what’s her name?
Christine Dente sings it and co wrote it with Charlie Peacock
Susan Ashton and Margaret Becker are this particular album. My college days too! Love your blog.
Yes!! and thank you 🙂
I can absolutely relate. I have two “tweens” and a toddler, and I’m constantly noticing how much more intentional I am about being present with ALL my kids now that I’m seeing for myself how quickly they grow up. Some days I look at my two-year old and grieve the fact that I cannot remember in enough detail the days my oldest was so small. But you are so right to point the focus back to the Lord. His heart is not to cause us to feel shame, although He does gently convict us when we’re needing to pull back and get more “in the moment,” and I’m so thankful for that. Thank you for being so real and honest. It’s a struggle so universal to us moms!
What a beautiful post. I, too , struggle with staying in the moment. It is entirely too easy for me to get caught up in the endless stream of tasks that are screaming for my attention. I have found that in order to keep the wonder, I have to make a conscious and deliberate decision to step out of the stream and just sit. I don’t want to look back twenty years from now and wish I had made the time…
I cry as I type this. I remember my Dad told me that my Mom was scared I wouldn’t like her. She really was scared… and cried trying to keep the wonder for her three kids until it took her life. ahhh… I haven’t thought about this until your post today. maybe that is why I am 39 and never had kids. Three dogs and an angry cat! but no kids. I get scared.
Wow, Jeni. I’m so sorry – to think of the burdens your mom carried around. It’s amazing how something that seems so “normal” (mom guilt) can lead to something so terrible. I’ve wondered lately if it is possible to mother without guilt. I think it must be, but I haven’t found the secret to that yet.
I have spent the whole morning feeling shame, riddled with “mom guilt” over what is trivial and passing, I am sure. Nevertheless it is there, stealing my attention, and so your post about slowing down (instead of pushing / rushing to get out of the house) and enjoying the wonder (snapshot: she put on BOTH outfit options all at once – two dresses, two undershirts & leggings) is so timely and just helps me be thankful to God for all of it: the house we are rushing out of, the clothes on our backs, the caregivers in our lives, and the work that feeds us outside of the home. Thank you Emily for the gentle reminders, gifts from God.
didn’t mean to be depressing… just a flash of memory of a little girl that lost her mom and carried that weight so long that it’s kept me from creating a little person to create wonder for! just never really “put it into words” like you did today. She was a great Mom, though. One day I’ll be able to tell her! 🙂
Now, the guilt thing? that’s a whole other ball of blogging wax don’t cha think? 🙂
P.S. I have your blog linked on my blog: http://www.seastararts.com so hopefully you’ll inspire some of my clients! xo
Truth in beauty…that’s what your bost was to me. My pediatrician told me once…the walking away is called benign neglect. She said no one would be hurt by it, and it would actually make the kids more independent. That’s my excuse, at least 🙂
Scheduling time for the wonder…I believe it’s something we all must do, whether we have children or not. As I scraped the snow and ice off my car this morning, I was consumed by wanting it gone and feeling frustrated that this would make me late for work. Suddenly the light hit the snow a certain way and I could make out individual snowflakes, their size and shape. For so many years I’ve hated snow (except on Christmas Eve and Christmas day) that I’ve forgotten its beauty. I didn’t stop scraping my car off because I still needed to get to work after all, but this brief reflection changed my attitude. It made me wonder how many other moments I overlook because it’s not according to my plan.
Oh. my. goodness. I can so totally relate. I too never dreamed “that play would be such hard work.” And I so hate that it is. But you are so right — I can’t dwell in the guilt of that or else I’ll keep missing the wonder. What a great post. Thank you for it.
As I am in recovery from a very rough time in my life, one thing I have tried to to is slow down and see the wonder all around me. My kids are grown, so this is for me. I love to smell the fresh basil when cooking, watch the birds and squirrels scamper all over the yard.
Sometimes at home, though, I do get caught up in it all. All the stuff I need to do. Hoping to take a whole day this Saturday, leave the house with my hubby and just roam and enjoy. (thank goodness the weather is supposed to be nice!)
Thanks for the reminder Emily!
Bernice
i have to admit something regretful. wonder and play often make me sleepy.
It always makes me sleepy. That’s why I try to snag the role of the “sick baby” when we play house. Or also the dog. Dogs are aloud to sleep a lot.
Ha! I’m cracking up here. I love being the sick kid! I recline on the couch while they check me out with the Fisher Price doctor kit. Another favorite is me being “tucked in” by “Mommy” and “Daddy”. Maybe I DO see some play-time in my immediate future!
When I play hide and seek sometimes I hide on their top bunk bed under the covers. It’s a nice little rest, I can’t go there too often or I will get found too quickly!
“But, if I play with the kids instead of doing the laundry, cleaning the kitchen, scrubbing the toilet (insert chore here) how will my husband know that I was a contributing part of our family?”
I meant this jokingly, but after I wrote it I realized how true it is. My husband is a wonderful man, he never makes me feel bad if I don’t get to this chore or that. However, I like to feel like I have something to show for my day. When he asks how my day was I want to have a check-list of accomplishments to rattle off to him; to show how valuable and responsible I am. For all of the posts I read online about enjoying our children and making time for them, I still feel that guilt and have trouble letting go. With four small kids at home I feel like I wake up each day already behind. It then becomes a constant rush: change diapers, make breakfast, clean kitchen from last night, shower (hopefully), dress, pick up the oldest from Kindergarten, make lunch, take naps, on and on and on until I collapse at bedtime.
I have come to believe that if I’m not in a constant state of “doing” I will become unnecessary.
I fight the same battle everyday. I love that you were able to write the feelings that I experience each day with my 3 littles. I always dreamt it would be so easy but slowing down and being in the moment with my kids is so hard. Thanks for this reminder. I read your blog often but have never commented. I love you blog and it gives me SO much encouragement.
Emily, I never ever post on blogs but your blog is speaking so loudly to me that I just can’t not respond! Thank you for sharing your heart, your fears, your dreams…..your experience of life through your eyes. Today is day 9 of having a sick child at home and I have battled with staying in the moment the entire time. It is true that sick days bring blessings of movies and chatting that wouldn’t have been possible without the ‘ opportunity’ of a sick day. I have drifted in and out of enjoying the moment, giving in to what is, and wanting so badly to return to my routine, my plans, my order. I smiled when I read that you planned an extra ten minutes for the wonder. Very clever and very rewarding I’m sure 🙂
Oh, you’re beating my drum. Is it us dreamers who have the harder time being present for the now-wonder? It makes me cry sometimes, too, usually right around midnight when I’m crawling under the covers and remembering that tomorrow it all starts over again. I want to sit down and play, but I don’t really WANT to sit down and play. Don’t get me started on those darn Polly Pockets, with their plastic bodies and rubber t-shirts. They make me want to shake my fist at the sky.
So…yeah. I relate. 🙂
Me too…the Polly Pockets and everything else 😉
I thought playing was going to be the easiest part of this job, and it’s not.
It’s so, so hard to stay in the moment.
To play trains.
To play Batman.
To give my boy the time he needs/wants/deserves.
I’m so glad I’m not alone.
Thank you. Real, raw, and revelations!!
yep. i can relate to that fight.
for sure.
so wish i was better at playing.
I definitely can relate to this fight…. you do an amazing job of putting feelings and thoughts into words!
oh yes, yes i can. now play is work and work is play.
Oooooh… this semester I actually wrote out a contract (required for one of my classes) about learning to love my family. I feel so ashamed that it is so hard to make myself listen to my children, hear the wonder in their words, and just make time for them in the present. I loved reading this, especially those last two paragraphs. It’s so encouraging to know that it’s not just me. 🙂
On Tuesday, we brought our (almost) 2 y/o home from the hospital. He was in ICU for 11 days, on a ventilator, then developed encephalitis which caused him to be unresponsive and not move for over a week. The doctors told us it would take him weeks to months to make a full recovery. Meanwhile, our 3 y/o was wondering what was happening to his world.
I sit here today looking at 2 perfectly healthy boys playing, fighting, eating, running….laughing! I wonder why God chose to heal my son so miraculously, so quickly. I’m sure I won’t know until I get to Heaven, but I think one of the reasons was so I would learn to s-l-o-w down. I’m pretty sure God wants me to concentrate more on spending time with my boys than making sure the towels are folded in thirds, the cans face the same way in the pantry and all the toy buckets are properly labeled (yes, just a little ocd!) It’s a wonderful feeling to know what really matters! Thank you, Lord!
Your little boy sounds like my 3.5 old boys. It’s hard to hurry them up! And too often I am trying to hurry them. It is so hard to take in the wonder. So many times my days are more focused on tasks than wonder. It’s definitely hard to just enjoy the moment!
I relate to everything you wrote here Emily…you are so beautiful to make us not feel alone…I think that’s the biggest, or one of the biggest fights of being mama’s, that feeling that ‘it’s only us’ who struggles like this and, at least for me, a completely skewed perspective like so and so and so and so, etc. don’t struggle with this, why me? But, we really do share many of our struggles as mama’s, don’t we? so much to draw us together…Praise the Lord for blogs and real people like you! Be blessed today:)
Oh yes I do. After being married 31 years, two grown children, the oldest, 28, I had long forgotten the wonder. I now babysit my granddaughter – a sharp departure from my dream retirement. It is the most difficult thing to slip into the wonder again. I had forgotten and some days, I don’t even want to remember – too much to think about, to much to do and more important, to write. But the little darling is so full of wonder that slowly and surely she is wearing me down with her charm and her excitement about the wonder of little things.
Can I relate? You bet I do.
Oh my goodness! I think every mama out there can relate. Many of us just don’t take the time to reflect and articulate it the way you have. Soooo good! I thought the same thing as a babysitter: that playtime as a mom would be something I’d love to do. How I’d love to rediscover the wonder!
Hugs,
Linsey
Can I relate?
Um, yes.
I am so far away from the wonder, I can’t help but fear I’ll never get it back. Just yesterday, after the 3-year-old pile-drived (drove?) the 9 month old, I called my husband, weeping, muttering (an incomprehensible, I’m sure) “I don’t know what I’m doing, but I know I don’t want to do this anymore!” (And I really, really, really meant it.
I, like you, dreamt of my someday family, and I have had to fight hard to get it, but I had not the slightest idea of how hard being the matriach of said family would be.
This so speaks to me. I have a four year old boy who also loves to explore. We have a rain gauge in the flower bed next to the sidewalk leading to our front door. Almost everyday as we are walking from the car to the house, regardless to whether it has rained or not, he has to stop and check the gauge and see if there’s anything in it. Sometimes I catch myself trying to stop even when he doesn’t! Haha!
yes! oh yes!
Oh my gosh totally. I once said to my sister, “Why doesn’t anyone ever tell you that playing with kids can be so boring?” And then we laughed, because she knew it was true.
Just recently I prayed to God, “God, please help me be fun.” Is that completely pathetic or what? I had to pray to be a fun mom. A real low point. But seriously, it’s hard…because let’s be honest here…a lot of days, I’d rather be here reading your lovely prose, or working on my own writing, than reading The Diggingest Dog for the 10th time in two days. You know? Yeah, I think you do know! Other days, though, I do just drink it all in — I do! I so Jekyll and Hyde…
Oh my GOODNESS can I relate! I, too, assumed that I would happily get lost in the land of dolls and tea served in plastic cups, the land of catch (one of my preferred games) and Candyland and endless rounds of singing.
But it loses its magic. Why? Am I jaded? Selfish? And when does this wonder end? Because I didn’t really want it to…
i love you for sharing this today. i feel exactly the same way. you truly do bring out feelings and emotions that can’t find words to express. thank you.
i never thought i’d have to schedule in time to play. but i do. and sometimes i resent the cleaning because it’s always pulling. pulling me away from spontaneous joy. i just need to be more aware.
I’ve always been a dreamer…and as I learn to partner that with gratitude…the wonder grows. It’s not always there ‘cos I forget to dream or I forget to be grateful…but i know that’s a partnership that works.
My real side is that sometimes I’m so caught up in my thoughts..wonder or not…that it sometimes inhibits my acheivements…I dream big and don’t do big! How to get balance between appreciating the awe and wonder of our world and our God and doing wonderful things…practice?
Yes, yes. This post inspires amazement.
I regularly try to stay intentional about this blessed time I have with my son. I watch what he notices – be it a cat on the deck, the shadows of tree limbs waving at us on the wall, or how his hand reacts seamlessly to his thought – and take time to remember, “Wow, you know, that really is amazing.” Keeping that wonder definitely boosts praise, enjoyment, gratitude, and fun.
I hate that I can relate to this. The time is so short and I try to rush it even more. Hurry to get here or there. No time to
Sit and play because there is a house to clean. I didn’t choose to stay at home so I could load the dishwasher. Time slips through the fingers and soon they will be big and grown and there will plenty of time for all the things I thought I had to do. Then when it’s too late, I’d gladly trade my clean house and my checked off to do list for one more moment basking in the wonder and the thrill of playing with my children. I know this yet sadly I get sucked into the endless piles of laundry, the dirt and the mess, and the places to be. Jesus help us to stop being Martha and be content to be Mary.
I find myself exactly there, in the rush of the to do list and often forget to play. Thank you for the needed reminder to slow and enjoy the moment since they are fleeting.
One of the criticisms I’ve seen of blogging is that people neglect to live in the moment because they’re constantly looking at their lives as fodder for the next post. In exact opposition to that idea, you actually seem to be using yours to remind yourself, and your readers, to avoid the tendency to be caught up-in anything that isn’t truly important.
Your words here directly address that falsehood, and give me such hope that a space -0nline, at home, or in the world in general- is truly what you make of it.
This is a great post!
I am a new mom (son is 9 weeks today) and I was just thinking today after he had his shots yesterday and is running a slight fever, why am I rushed to check email/update my blog/look on facebook when all my son wants to do is cuddle while I rock him or listen to me while I read to him or he just started coo’ing and why am I trying to rush out of that. I love being a stay at home mom and being able to cuddle and I am in wonder when he is speaking, when I look at his face trying to mimic mine and when I see his entire face light up in a smile.
I will fight to keep the wonder of being a mom to my wonderful son Judah
http://judahs365dayjourney.blogspot.com/
It must be something built into us…that thing that always drives us to achieve. That thing that steals the special times with our families. I have always been driven to succeed in all I do but after a very traumatic time last year…this year I want to enjoy the journey and not just live from crisis to crisis. I want to take time to breathe and find joy in the everyday.
Emily ~ I think you would love the song, “Don’t Let Me Lose My Wonder”, by Irish hymn writers, Keith and Kryten Getty. Fondly, Glenda
Amen. My nearly 2-year-old is such a gift. First because we worked so hard and so long just to get him and second because he finds wonder in a forgotten length of ribbon that has fallen off the sewing table or a banana peel he worked so hard to get off the counter. I forget that in the every day of hustle and bustle of getting things done. I promise myself each day, “less directing, more kisses” but I forget when he’s stepped on my bare feet for the fiftieth time (he gets that from his dad) or shot a zillion cheerios off the high chair or stubbornly decided that he will not cross that parking lot on foot and I can’t make him … well, it’s hard to remember those things are the fun, and not the hassle, of being a mom. So what, toes survive, cheerios sweep up and really, where do I have to be that I can’t take a minute to sit on the curb in front of the grocery store and contemplate a crack in the sidewalk…right?
Love this post! I think I will leave 10 minutes early on my next walk so I can have some “wonder” time. This is a fight that some of us don’t realize we have, or maybe that we should.
Thank you for this post!
Leave 10 minutes early. Sigh. What a simple, beautiful solution. This post will change my relationship with my children. Thank you soooo much.
I fight it ALL. the. time. and I hate myself for it! I know I will one day regret all the moments I wasn’t present. Even as I realize the moments are fleeting, I still push on through my day busy doing instead of being, slowing, stopping to enjoy the day with my Gifts. I cry over it at the end of the day – what time I wasted that I can never regain. And wake up to do it all over again.
I am so late in reading this… but oh my goodness, I just cried about it yesterday. The not being able to stay in the moment, and the guilt, and yeah… all of it.
I just read a chapter in your book out-of-order… it is crazy how much I needed to read it. It is the second time I’ve read that chapter {17}, even though really I only just read chapter 8. Jumping out of order, what a non-good-girl thing to do 😉 All of that to say… God is using you today… in big ways. Your words and the parts of your heart that you have shared. Thank you…
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