Hey, remember how I told you I finished a book proposal? And then remember how I didn’t tell you anything else about it? Yes, well that would be because I don’t like talking about things that are in process. I like to talk about things after the fact, with the benefit of perspective and time and maybe even closure. It’s the same reason why I haven’t told you much about the girls going to Kindergarten yet. I’m still processing, and I don’t like to process in front of people. (Can anyone say controlling?) So this book thing? Well, I am right smack dab in the middle of it.

Just to be clear, I do not have a book deal. And I have not written an entire book. I have finished a book proposal, which is basically a collection of facts, figures, passion and three sample chapters of the actual book I plan to write. It is like a 56-page-long marriage proposal, one that begs an answer to the question: Will you publish me? A publisher has yet to answer that question. There has been some interest, which is infinitely encouraging, as there is a secret part of me that wondered if I would be laughed at.

SHOES

But telling you the details is like taking the risk all over again. So every time I sit with the intention of telling you more about the book idea itself, I end up on Facebook or reading Amber or trying to find Chuck Season 2 on Amazon or looking at my house on Google Earth.

The energy meant to form words and thoughts are hidden down deep and come out in crazy ways instead, like in hot tears or short, snappy parenting or manic coupon cutting. And the words remain a swirling soup, flickering like a film-strip but not allowed to take hold.

I break my own rules about focus and passion.

I can’t tell you how many times over the past few months I have wished my passion was cooking. Oh, to want to write about cooking! What joy! Or house-y stuff. Everyone loves a good house blog, right? Colors and fabric and beautiful homes. Or crafts. Or sewing. Or scrapbooking. Or makeup. Those things don’t tend to be so…personal.

So I am taking steps this week to share with you more about this book idea. I’m excited about it, and I don’t want to do this alone.