emily p. freeman

Creating space for your soul to breathe so you can discern your next right thing.

on making a decision

For the last 12 days, I’ve been struggling with a decision. I’ve been up too early and too late, I’ve cried and worried and made up my mind and then changed it. Ten times. All this time, I was waiting for a feeling of peace, and it never really came. That’s what it can be like with big decisions. Until you decide one way or another, there actually is no peace to be found.

Sometimes you have to get your feet wet before the water moves.

And so last night, I got my feet wet. I emailed Shaun Groves and said yes, I will go with your team of bloggers to the Philippines. Yes, I will fly over the Pacific ocean. Yes, I will open my eyes up to see what Compassion is doing in the lives of these Filipino children and their families. Yes, I will write the stories I see. Simply, yes. And art takes on new life yet again. And yes becomes the pathway to peace. And questions and worry and fear scurry for shelter, at least for today.

My husband has wanted me to say yes from the very start. He is brave on my behalf. I had to sort through some stuff and some things before I could believe him. But here we are, and there we’ll be, and it is good.

I am so thankful for this opportunity to go and to see. I hope you will follow the stories as Kat, Linsdsay, Stephanie, Tsh, Keely, Shaun, Patricia and I travel at the end of May.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. OH MY GOODNESS! So happy for you. I know all about the peace feeling that has to come and I’ve been stuggling with that same thing for weeks about something else. But, this….is HUGE! Will be praying for the group. and you. and your peace. and your travels. 🙂 can’t wait to follow your trip. Compassion is WONDERFUL!
    blessings, cat

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  3. Congratulations, Emily. You are going to be such a blessing to that community. You will use your strong and gifted voice to speak on behalf of the children whose voices are so tiny, and that gives me goosebumps. God is using you in such incredible ways! We are all lifting you up in prayer!

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  5. Thrilled for you, for those you’ll meet, and for us, too. I’m eager to have my eyes opened to the needs of others through your God-seeing eyes. Getting God-bumps just thinking about it!

    — Jennifer Dukes Lee

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  7. I’m SO excited about meeting you and walking this journey together. Can’t wait to see what God has in store for all of us!

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  8. From your post title and the first paragraphy, I thought you had tapped into my head when I was trying to decide on going to Blissdom. 🙂

    Emily, I’m so excited for you. What an incredible and life changing experience it will be. I can’t wait to read all about it. I wish you could take me with you!!

    BTW, your husband sounds great…just like mine. I love that they give us the little nudges we need to be brave.

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  9. What wonderful things God has in store for you, Emily. He is going to reveal Himself to You in a mighty way on this trip, I just sense it. And He will use you to touch many, many others. His JOY is going to overflow in you and through you. Wow. I’ll be praying while you’re there. 🙂

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  10. How cool Emily!! Love your reference to getting your feet wet before the water moves. I’m excited for you and for what the Lord will do through your words and pictures.

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  12. so exciting, girl!! i can’t wait to hear you tell the stories you see. and you will be blessed for saying yes. just by being willing to go where He leads is a pathway to peace.

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  15. So joyful for you that you made the decision to go. I am struggling with the decision of whether or not to go on a mission trip to Uganda, hard.choices.leaving children behind.risks.fear of judgment, most likely self-imposed (why would she leave her children to go halfway across the world to a dangerous area). But then I think of the best advice I’ve ever been given on foreign missions, “The safest place is in the Center of God’s Will”
    Blessings to you as you continue to trust in our Heavenly Father

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    • Yes, yes! Polly, that is exactly my struggle. I have 3 young kids – why can’t I wait until they’re older? Why now? I’ve asked the Lord that, too. And he never answered that. He simply has reminded me that I am his and so are they. And I’m not leaving them forever, just for a week 🙂 that helps.

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  16. Oh Emily!!! I am crying! Happy tears for you! Jealous tears! (can I admit that here??) I’ve been working towards a mission trip, throwing my hand up wildly saying, “Me! Me! ME!” It just isn’t working out – yet. God made one amazing woman when he made you. Loving you from Missouri this morning; cannot WAIT to hear more!!!
    ~Karin

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    • Oh, thank you Karin! Yes, of course you can admit that here! Hello, I’m the queen of admission. Like, Um, excuse me but are you sure you want me to go? I am so not missionary-y. I’m homebody-y. That’s what I’ve been thinking. I love picturing you with your hand up wildly – that amazes me. He’s had to sort of pull my hand up from a super-glued down-by-my-sides position.

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  17. Emily, I’m so excited for you! What a blessing you will be both to the people of the Phillipines and to us who will read your stories when you return, not to mention the ladies who get to go on the trip with you.

    I have but one word of advice my tender-hearted friend: Take plenty of Kleenex. Stuff it into every available space in your suitcase, your purse, and on your person. I KNOW you will use it!

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  18. What an exciting challenge and opportunity! I know you’ll do great things for God through this adventure and pray you’ll find that peace soon enough!

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  20. I am so excited to see the beauty of those children through *your* eyes, Emily. So glad you’re being brave. I keep reminding myself that even when things seem scary and unknown, there is no safer place to be than the place God called me.

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  21. Oh, of all the places this one is close to my heart. So glad you made the decision to go. The flight is long and the travel is tough, but it is so worth it. My parents have a ministry in the Philippines in Bacolod City on Negros. They’ve gone every year for eight (?) years except for two. This year the tickets were so expensive they decided to wait and see what happened. My dad made the comment the other day that he wishes they had gone. You’ll love the Filippino people, Emily. Can’t wait to read what you write about the experience. God bless you and the team.

    And if you have a minute, you may want to see this post. http://itwasbroughtonbylove.blogspot.com/2010/08/remembering-joy.html
    The video is of Joy in the Philippines last year.

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  22. It’s so funny to watch all of the blogging announcements for the Philippines trip. I had lunch with Shaun and Robin (from Pensieve) months ago. We were talking about who Shaun should take and your name popped up. It’s funny that some of the names we talked about are actually on the list for the trip! Not that I had anything to do with it, just fun that I got a glimpse of what God had in the making. So excited for you!

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  23. Yay! I am excited and nervous and proud for you all at once. What a wonderful blessing you will be to those whose world you will enter. I am excited to see how your beautiful words wrap around this experience. Offering prayers that God will do much through this, through you, through the hands of Compassion.

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  24. I’m really glad you said yes Emily. It was one of Anne Voskamp’s blog posts that God used to open my eyes to the reality of the need of these children…these families…these *mothers*. I have no doubt He will use you to open eyes too. And I can’t wait to see you tell their stories.

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  25. Wow!!! What an amazing opportunity for you and for us {via you.} I’m so glad you said yes. I remember when Ann went to Guatemala last year and I read every post and told my friends to read them too. One of my friends adopted 4 children through Compassion, one for each of her own kids, as a result of Ann’s stories.

    I also remember something you wrote a long time ago, maybe in the “About Me” section, but it was something to the effect of feeling like you need to be a great and perfect in so many areas of your life, all while saving the world. And here you are, getting ready to go into the world on behalf of so many who need saving…how awesome.

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  26. That’s such exciting news! I have a friend from the Philippines and another who went there on a mission trip. I’m excited to see it through your eyes!

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  27. Oh, Emily! I am so, so happy for you! Last year, our Maui church pastor went on a trip with Compassion to the Philippines. He came home with such stories of beautiful brokenness. I Can. Not. Wait! to read the delicate but powerful words spoken from your extraordinary heart! My prayers go with you and the entire team!

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  28. Wow-I’m in awe that you’re really and truly going to do that!

    I haven’t been reading for long, but you convey that you’re just a regular gal trying to make the most of this life you’ve been given in a way that reflects your faith and your values. So many people talk/blog about wanting to find a way to let God use them to do whatever it is that they are meant to do, and you’re actually going to act on all of that in a real and tangible way. That you can further the impact of your choice by writing so poignantly about it for all of the people who read your words, is a sign, or a big fat coincidence, or kismet, or something!

    I’m already looking forward to learning more about how all of this plays out for you, your family, the people that you will encounter, and us-your readers.

    Sending such positive thoughts your way!

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  29. Hi Emily! I’m so glad you said YES! What an amazing opportunity you have to be His hands and feet. To share your words while honoring His word! I know the fear of flying over the Pacific ocean without the giggles and smiles of those you love sitting beside you. It is a HARD decision, but in the end, nothing worth doing is EVER easy. The only thing I can guarantee is THOSE decisions, the ones that come with God given opportunity, they are ALWAYS worth it. It’s been a long time since I was your “fairy blogmother”. Since we shared laughs, stories and fears over Cracker Barrell biscuits. I’m still here. I’m so proud of you for standing up and stepping out in faith. I’m still reading, relating, crying and laughing along side you even if I don’t leave a comment. I can’t wait to see Him through you as you love on those babies in the Philippines. Wish I could go too!

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  31. Awesome! Just so awesome. I’m so happy for you (O.K., and maybe just a little bit jealous) and cannot wait to follow along to see what God does through this trip.

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  32. Can so relate to this time of decision making for you:) I have been in the midst of something similar. Thinking, praying, worrying, making sure everything is in order before I step out, but it just won’t ever be that way!! As my friend told me, it’s hard to steer a parked car!! 😉 So I too have decided to dive into something bigger than myself…. God will prepare me as I go along with Him…

    What an adventure you are about to embark on- enjoy every moment! You won’t regret it one bit!

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  34. Um. YAY!!! So excited for you! I have become good “online” friends with Kat who is also going. You girls are going to be blessed/changed/used beyond imagination. Can’t wait to hear more.

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  36. What an incredible opportunity! I just added Compassions button to my blog yesterday! I can’t wait to read all about what God will do through this trip!

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  41. This is amazing! I am so happy you were brave in your soul… i have yet to hear of one person who went on this journey and didn’t come back the better for it. Can’t wait to see it through your eyes!

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  44. Wow, Emily, I’m so happy you said YES! I know how scary it is to step out in faith. Sometimes the peace is hard to find in an unknown or difficult situation, but you just KNOW in your heart it is a God thing. Can’t wait to hear the stories!

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  48. Oh Emily — that IS a big decision. But I am so grateful that you said YES! You have an incredible way with words…and you will inspire many to take action on behalf of the least of these. So grateful for you! You are brave!!

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  51. oh man. i just got back from a mission trip to haiti. at first all i had was doubt. one voice telling me not to go, swathed in fear, bleak and foreboding. i had some support, too. and then i had so much support. and then i was overwhelmed by the kindness of strangers and the willingness for children to give and FAITH. oh my goodness, going to haiti…and i am not kidding when i say this, God pushed me beyond my limits of love and faith. not just a push. it was like standing on a cliff and being pushed. i was afraid of so many things…like being harmful to the people in some inadvertant way. and i was not a missionary-y person either. was not sure what i could offer. afraid to leave my kiddos. but yesterday in my kindergartener’s class we talked about how one little drop in the pond makes ripples that have effects we cannot even imagine. and i was reminded that even the smallest act of kindness, the littlest attempt at connection with ANY stranger has implications far reaching. and when a little girl turned and looked at me and said…”i am going to tell my mommy that i made a difference in haiti. a big difference!” then i could see the first little ripples of goodness. and i know more than ever that going to haiti was a HUGE, amazing thing i did in my life. and the stories and experiences will cause a lifetime of good things that i may see or not see. just open your heart to all of the possibilities and they will come. i am so excited you are going. truly amazing!

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  54. I shared your post with a friend of mine who had some great thoughts that I had to share:
    “Loved those thoughts about decision making too! It made me realize that as Christians we’re obsessed with needing to feel “the peace from God” about a decision before we think it’s right. We’re so focused on how a decision makes us feel that we miss making the right decision even when the feelings aren’t there. Most of the time God calls us to jump and take the risk without the security of the ending. That’s why it’s called faith. :)”

    Thanks for sharing this post with us! I know I definitely need to be more of a risk taker in my decision making. =]

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  55. I am sure this was a ‘decision’ not made instantly. You will be blessed and you will come home with much to write about. God will be with you.

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  56. Do you need another Melissa to say “YAY!” with you and for you??? : ) YAY! (Imagine that in font size 42 please.) I am excited for you… not just because of the specifics of what you’re going to be doing (which will be wonderful in every stretch you almost in half kind of way) but because you’re stepping out where God is leading you and I’m discovering these days there is nothing more freeing than being out on a limb with God. Even for us homebody-ies. Good job, Emily.

    (I totally wanted to say “Good job, Em.” there. But I’m not sure how you’d feel about that…)

    Hang in there even when you start thinking you and God and your husband are all insane and that this is just crazy. (That seems to happen to me when I’m out on the Limb.) Remember you’re more than a conqueror! Of fear and doubt and everything else that would want to get in the way. And YOU CAN DO THIS. : )

    (Yay!)

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  57. Emily, I was so excited when I saw your name on the Compassion Blogger team! I will thoroughly enjoy and be challenged by your experience there. So glad you’re taking the leap!

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  59. My husband usually “knows” before me and is “brave on my behalf” before I am READY to leap! Thank God for their strong steady supportive RADICAL faith-filled hearts and hands!!

    Yay, Philippines! I don’t know if you have been before, but I spent a {brief} short term trip their 10 years ago, and the people were SO, SO, SO precious. They crawled into our hearts and us in theirs, and they wept….literally WEPT….when we left. I am an MK and therefore slightly de-sensitized to the superficial emotional “experience” of it…but these people….well…let’s just say…I was choking back tears too!!

    Praying that all the logistics will be in place so that your heart can rest and receive and give and grow as HE intends!!

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  60. That is so exciting… to be the hands and feet of Jesus over in the Philippines!
    Compassion is an amazing organization!
    My friend is actually partnered with Compassion and he has a clothing line.
    It’s called PocketChange and the money goes to the Unsponsored Children’s Fund of Compassion.
    You should check it out!
    http://pocketchangeapparel.ca/

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  67. Emily… you’ll be so glad you went. My husband, Pete Wilson, (withoutwax.tv) went on their India trip two years ago and it was lifechanging for our family and our church home. You’ll love Shaun, Patricia and Keely… they’re all absolutely amazing and love the work they do with Compassion.

    Praying and extremely excited for you!!!

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  68. I’m so excited about this, Emily! I love your writing and the way you help us see things by the way you put words together. I love compassion–we sponsor a child, and I have many friends who work there at headquarters, including my dad! So compassion + emily = wahoo!! I can’t wait.

    I will pray for you–for peace and for courage. You won’t regret it. Can’t wait to hear their stories through your eyes. Hugs.

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  69. This is so amazing Emily! Wow! A once in a lifetime experience! Embrace it…it will change you and everyone you come in contact with! Maybe one day I will be brave enough to do something like this.

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  70. Ohhh, Emily…sometimes I believe you have peep holes in my prayer closet!! God has been saying to me over and over and over again…that my feet must be wet before He will part my water…my feet aren’t wet yet. I haven’t started my blog, I have a post that is written, my first one, waiting but fear has seized me. So I catch myself up in less meaningful things like blog design and so-forth. Thank you for your encouragement…and for sharing your journey.

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  72. His plans are always good Emily. I’m so glad you’re going. You will tell their stories with grace and love – and you will make a difference.

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  73. You will be blessed for your obedience, they will be blessed and WE will be blessed! I do “get” how hard it is to make a big decision before the peace comes…For me, it came soon after I said “yes-I’ll trust”. I can’t wait to read your stories.

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  74. What a surprise! I’m a Filipina 🙂 I’m from manila but now based here California since 2007. Would you know where in the Philippines? I can give you info on anything 🙂 Filipinos will love you.. The children will adore you. You will see big smiles but lost and broken hearts. If you have questions about anything.. Anything at all.. To prepare you for the trip.. Or to know more about Filipinos-just email me: Gina.g.roldan@gmail.com God be with you…

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  75. Emily, I just read your devotion on (in)courage about making this decision. First, you have blessed me because I am making a similar decision right now about going to Nairobi. I truly have never wanted to go to Africa. Sorry people. Just trying to be honest. I have many fears too. I might be traveling all that distance alone, what about the food, the culture that I am unfamiliar with, etc. But like all of you girls, I want to be obedient and to get “my feet wet.” I love that! Emily, I did go to Ecuador on a mission trip with my husband and many of my family members and we were able to meet our Compassion “child” there. So I hope you “adopt” before you go – so you can meet your little one. It was the highlight of our trip. Blessings to you. God is going to use your writing gift through this opportunity.

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  76. Yes, I have been up too late, gotten up far to early, changed my mind a hundred times, waiting for the peace. Yes, we are packing up our family of eight, six children ages 21 to 7, and moving across country. No more second guessing. There have been many open doors, some adversity. We’ve made our decision. That was a great writing. Thanks.

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