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emily p. freeman

Creating space for your soul to breathe so you can discern your next right thing.

on being stubborn

He asked me, What would be life-giving to you today? And it didn’t really matter what I said after that, because the question itself breathed life into me. But I answered anyway, and we packed up the kids and headed to the big park across town.

September smiled on us yesterday, getting brave against hot August with her breeze and her deep blue skies. I used to think nothing good happened in September, but then he chose September to propose all those many years ago and and now it is also the season where my words have finally been released. Enough good things have happened in September to help me change my mind about her.

There are other things happening, things that are invisible and difficult, things that are bringing us closer together even as we fall apart. When control drips through your hands like water, prayer becomes a lot less rote and a lot more desperate. I think that’s good.

When Jesus told the crowd that the work of God is to believe in the one he has sent, it seemed to be just the right words. But when you have to live it in the face of anxiety, fear, helplessness and lingering doubt, I want the work of God to be results. Activity. Answers. Action. Belief feels too small, too passive, too invisible, too impossible. And so we have to dig in our heels and hold fast to belief. Even when it doesn’t make sense. Even when it’s counter-intuitive. Even when it all goes wrong. Stubborn isn’t always bad, you know. Sometimes it’s what saves our life.

***

Scroll down to see if you are one of the winners of Grace for the Good Girl or a copy of Shaun Groves’ Third World Symphony.

Filed Under: breathe, family Tagged With: motherhood, rest

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Linda says

    September 6, 2011 at 10:47 AM

    Dear heart, you have such a gift for expressing the deep things of the heart. Oh, how I have been there – am there even now. He delights to know we trust – simply trust – when we long to see. Praying His peace and presence fill your heart as you lean into Him.

    Reply
  2. Susan in the Boonies says

    September 6, 2011 at 11:01 AM

    That is a beautiful, loving question that I am assuming your dear husband posed to you! I scrolled dow but am missing the winners of the book, and the link did not work for me. I wonder if I’m on the page of just this post, and I should be on a home page, or something like that. I came here through my Google reader, because I am subscribed to your blog through that, and each post shows up individually, I think.

    Reply
  3. Susan in the Boonies says

    September 6, 2011 at 11:03 AM

    P. S. I figured it out! When I click on the title to your blog at the top of the page, it takes me to your home page, where I can see the list of winners. Sorry to have troubled you, but maybe this will help someone else.

    Reply
  4. katdish says

    September 6, 2011 at 11:10 AM

    Love. This.

    Reply
  5. jean wise says

    September 6, 2011 at 11:48 AM

    This is honest and beautiful. I reread several times your line: “When control drips through your hands like water, prayer becomes a lot less rote and a lot more desperate. I think that’s good” You are so right.

    Sometimes all we have is our trust. When we can’t see that next step or everything stays so dark. Like you said, a good time to be stubborn. Good thoughts!

    Reply
  6. summer says

    September 6, 2011 at 12:02 PM

    Once again, sweet girl, you put my heart and soul into words and it makes me love you more and more.

    “When control drips through your hands like water, prayer becomes a lot less rote and a lot more desperate. I think that’s good.”

    Love that. Love.

    Reply
  7. Flower Patch Farmgirl says

    September 6, 2011 at 1:07 PM

    You’ve got a knack for reminding us of truths in a most magical way. Please keep doing that.

    Reply
  8. Morgan says

    September 6, 2011 at 1:23 PM

    Sweet peek into your heart. Thanks for sharing! I remember last year in VBS we learned the sign language for “trust”: clasping your hands over your shoulder like you are holding onto a rope for dear life. And a beautiful picture of what prayer looks like, too. Dig in your heels!

    Reply
  9. Anna says

    September 6, 2011 at 2:31 PM

    I love todays post. Especially the folded hands of a man. Hearing, watching my man pray really touches me.

    Reply
  10. Jamie @ Six Bricks High says

    September 6, 2011 at 3:28 PM

    I’m in that place too — where “prayers are a lot less rote and a lot more desperate”. And you are right, it is good. Hard, but very good.

    Reply
  11. Mrs.B says

    September 6, 2011 at 5:32 PM

    What an awesome thing for him to ask.
    I love this post..like all the rest…such beautiful, life-giving words here.

    Reply
  12. Laura Spivey says

    September 6, 2011 at 6:16 PM

    Oh my word……your words!!! So beautiful, so tangiable, so full of the Holy Spirit!! Thank you for being available!

    Reply
  13. Sissy says

    September 6, 2011 at 8:53 PM

    Our pastor wrote today “Christianity is a deeply serious and difficult religion…those who think it is easy and amusing are wrong.” Maybe those aren’t the words, exactly and I think he was quoting someone, but he’s right. Letting go of our control is sooooo hard. It isn’t always easy to trust. You know where I’m at right now and how badly I want to KNOW, to PLAN, to figure it out and make it go my way. AND I CAN”T. But I’ve learned this year that putting the prayers on paper helps me solemnly dedicate my words.

    Reply
  14. Emily K says

    September 6, 2011 at 11:40 PM

    I go through my Google Reader fairly quickly every day and star the posts that I want to linger on later. I think a solid 50% are yours. Thanks for being consistently and totally about Christ– I get really excited when Reader shows that you have a new post up. 🙂

    Reply
  15. Charissa Steyn says

    September 7, 2011 at 12:07 AM

    Just wrote about this very same topic- simply believing!! You are right it’s invisible but oh so powerful!

    Reply
  16. Pattyann says

    September 7, 2011 at 12:56 AM

    totally loved this today. You are amazing.

    Reply
  17. Pattyann says

    September 7, 2011 at 12:58 AM

    totally loved this today. You are amazing. Believing seems simple, but it is really not. It can take a lot of faith to believe in the midst of trial.

    Reply
  18. tara says

    September 7, 2011 at 7:45 AM

    I could right a book about trusting God when you don’t see ACTIVITY. ANSWERS. ACTION.

    Girl, I JUST got my copy of your book from the company, and I am DEVOURING it. DEVOURING.IT.
    OR, is it devouring me?

    I swear, you got inside MY head to write this book.

    thank you times a thousand for listening to that still small voice that told you to write.
    I can’t wait to tell everyone I know about it.

    Reply
  19. lea says

    September 7, 2011 at 9:46 AM

    such wisdom for such a young lady!
    we believe in and trust Him. hopefully,
    our actions reflect that.

    Reply
  20. Scooper says

    September 7, 2011 at 10:41 AM

    Truth words for today. Thank you. This is where I’m living, have been living now for many months. There is never a day when I don’t need the reminder…that rest, peace, and security are in Christ alone.

    Reply
  21. Diane says

    September 7, 2011 at 3:36 PM

    Oh my….it’s as if you have a scope of some sort seeing into my life as well.

    All we need is Jesus. Knowing that. Clinging to that knowledge. Praying from the depth of need. Believing. Believing. Believing. In spite of what appears….it IS enough.

    Reply
  22. patty says

    September 11, 2011 at 12:39 AM

    love how you knit together these words on a beautiful, cool september day… so many blessings to be grateful for! and i hope you find peace in that desperate prayer.
    xo

    Reply

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