emily p. freeman

Creating space for your soul to breathe so you can discern your next right thing.

on a tuesday

I listen to him breathing as I sit quiet in his room. He snores, and sometimes stops breathing all together. So I have to listen and count and wait. Doctors orders. It scared me at first, he stops breathing when he sleeps! But now that I’m sitting here listening, it really isn’t all that often. And when it happens, it isn’t for all that long. Funny how paying attention to the facts is sometimes all I need to do to dispel the fear.

The tunnel living I spoke of last week doesn’t feel so heavy now. I met my deadline, turning in the latest project to my editor. This time, though, I didn’t dance a jig like I did when I turned in the manuscript. This time, I collapsed on the couch. I looked out the window and noticed the season and thought of Thanksgiving and smiled. And also cried a little. I miss a lot when I’m writing. You would think it would be the opposite, that I would be more aware of things, more open to inspiration. Instead, when I have a big writing deadline, I focus. And the focus is God-ward and inward and that’s about it. And I walk around with a see-through bubble on my head like an astronaut. Nobody can see it, but I know it’s there. And their voices are muffled, days run together, laundry piles up. We eat chicken a lot. As soon as I meet the deadline, the bubble comes off. It’s like magic. I can breathe clear. I see the dirty floors and don’t look the other way.

As I sweep, I realize I could never be someone who has a deadline every week. The bubble would become a part of my head, and I would always wear damp, dirty socks. But there are other things I see as the bubble dissolves into nothing. I see too much and I realize some things, even good things, will need to be released.

We’ve been doing Tuesdays Unwrapped here for nearly two years. What began as a personal project to embrace the messy, the lovely, and the unexpected gifts in the midst of everyday life became a community of women who encourage and inspire; co-celebrators and friends who I have secretly referred to for the past 2 years as the unwrappers. I am thankful for you. I celebrate you. And now, I have to be honest with you. I need a break. I want to embrace these daily gifts and live them – and sometimes hosting Tuesdays Unwrapped takes away from the living. It hasn’t always been that way, but because of the season I’m in, it is that way now.

I’m not sure when I’ll start it up again. But for now, today will be the last day to link up to Tuesdays Unwrapped. At least for a while.

I’m still listening to him breathe. It’s steady now. Loud, but steady. I’m not so worried about it as I was before. Still, an ENT appointment tomorrow to be sure all is well. The photos in this post are all from our front yard, all of the same tree from different perspectives – down on the ground, standing tall, looking up. That’s what you do with things when you want to really see them, you have to walk around and watch, you have to sit and listen to him breathe, you have to look at the facts and not so much the fear.

As I do that with my schedule, when I look at it from all angles, I realize this is one of those things that needs editing out. For now. Thank you for joining me in this space, for your encouragement, for your perspective, and for your grace.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  5. This little corner of the internet means so much to me. I’m grateful for your being such a gracious hostess for so long. Praying you’ll be blessed as you take time to breathe.

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  6. Thanks for this sweet place you’ve opened up on Tuesdays. The bubble head made me giggle – so true! I covered a meeting tonight and my editor is waiting for 900 words. Ugh. Sometimes it’s great – this pen to paper and sometimes not so much. Hope you have a good Thanksgiving –

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  7. so thankful for you, friend. and i’m proud of you for making space. maybe you’ll rub off on me just a little bit. i can’t wait til i can hop in the car and be at your house in just a couple minutes. even if it is just to stuff a pumpkin spice latte in your hand. xoxo

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  8. Emily…
    Thank you! Thank you for creating a meme to help us all remember to unwrap the blessings in our ordinary days. Praying for you. Happy Thanksgiving!
    ~H

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  9. I find it really interesting how seasons end and begin. For instance as I am just learning to manage a blog and am getting to know people, others are ending their season or parts of it! Ministeries, careers, lives are all ending and others are just beginning. We just do the bit that God has for us in a particular area and then free it up for other people to move into and others are freeing up areas of life for us to go into. Life is never dull when you’re friends with God!

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  13. I will miss Tuesdays as an “official” thing but you know, the message has sunk deep down in me and {cheesy as this sounds} I carry it with me all the time now. The noticing, the gratitude…it’s becoming more of a normal thing. I was just writing a post about this today but kids needed feeding so, you know, it may never get finished. The point is: so many of my days now have a Tuesday frame of mind and I am so, so grateful for that.

    Thank you, Emily, and all the rest of our fellow Unwrappers.

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  14. We were just going through the same thing. We’re going to call it Unwrapping the Days. This week we’re on vacation and were going to be unable to keep up with just Tuesdays. God knows these things so well. Have a great time for you and yours. Thank you for blessing us tremendously.

    Lord, thank you for Emily and all you do in and through her. Amen 😀

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  15. Emily ~ I am so happy for you…I too have those same tendencies and life..children..family..yourself are WAY to precious to be caught up in to many extra curricular activities…may His hand continually guide you in your writing..He is before and behind and on either side of you and your family. You can go down no other path than the one He has for you.
    you have a warrior’s heart…in the short time I’ve been in blogworld..finding you and all of your Unwrappers has truly blessed my heart
    Happy Thanksgiving to your family and keep us posted:)

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  18. Emily, you wove this post together in such a lovely way. Truthful writing, inspiring reading.

    Blessings to you while you wrap your everyday life around you with new perspective. 🙂

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  19. Oh, you made it out! So today, we’ll unwrap together. And after today? Who knows!

    ps- My Ruby used to have the very same problem. It was awful. Her snoring nearly shook the house! Her tonsils were removed and voila! problem solved.

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  20. i will miss reading this on tuesdays, but understand that life happens. you are an amazing encouraging person with beautiful words. thank you for all the tuesdays you have given us.

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  22. I love your heart and your writing. I completely understand the need for a break and commend you for taking one when you need it. We will be here when you are ready for Tuesdays again =) Have a great Thanksgiving!

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  23. I’m with The Scooper. Although I will miss Tuesdays Unwrapped, the noticing and appreciating and thanksgiving will stay with me. You’ve taught me the art of looking and experiencing, Emily — and that will continue to run deep.

    Thanks always…Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.

    P.S. I sort of cheated and linked up a repost. But when I read this was the last Unwrapped, I had to participate! 😉

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  24. Hi Emily,

    I am new to your blog and “Unwrapping Tuesdays” — well at least I was able to participate in one! As a writer, I understand the writing process all too well — the continual binging and purging of emotions.
    I wish you a wonderful Thanksgiving celebration surrounded by those closest to your heart.

    Deborah

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  25. Emily, I just love you! Thank you for listening to Him and realizing where you need margin in your life. So good.

    This post was good for me to read as I’ve been allowing fear to live in my heart too much lately. We’re dealing with health stuff over here that I’ve never dealt with before starting fostering and it is very stretching. God is faithful. I need Him desperately.

    Enjoy your Thanksgiving my friend!

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  26. Nothing lasts forever (speaking of Tuesdays Unwrapped) and it is good to reassess your situation from time to time and see if the staus quo still suits your needs. If not, it is okay to make changes! I love your blog and writings and we will follow your lead!
    My hubby has sleep apnea. Never could get his CPAP to work right for him, he just needs to lose 40 lbs!
    Bernice

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  27. You have inspired me in more ways than I can tell you here. Thank you for that. Enjoy your Thanksgiving and the removing of the bubble. I’m just bummed that I’m not participating in this last TU, but I’m taking a break myself this week. 🙂

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  28. The contrasts, Emily, are exquisite.

    The fear in the watching, the relief in the knowing.
    The jig from the first visit – the couch collapse on the second.
    The smile and the tear.
    The eye of the writer that both sees everything – and misses it.

    And the lesson to wrap it up – the trimming of life – I think that’s wise.

    I had problems with step two linking up – I’ve never linked up with anything before – strange tech stuff I just don’t get. But it’s nothing. Didn’t need to. Just needed to read – and say thank you.

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  29. Your gifts have touched many opening eyes to see.

    May His love continue to lead and guide you as you walk in the shadow of His wings, listening only for His voice.

    When He leads you back, we will meet you here.

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    • my sweet logan needed hers out when she was your boy’s age. It was a not as bad as I thought it would be…thank you, Jesus.
      And she was a much healthier and better-sleeping girl without them. I will be praying for your littlest one. And for you and the Man.

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  33. oh my gosh- i have SO enjoyed being here {and thus, all over the internet!} on tuesdays! it just won’t be the same… but i totally get it.

    emily, thank-you for the space and this weekly challenge… it has opened my eyes, and allowed me to expose this rawness that i’ve always had. it’s sometimes hard for me, too, in the middle of monday night, or sometime tuesday, to get it together so that it is ‘just so’… but still, i love it.

    prayers to you and your sweet one. i know it won’t ease the worry, because this is YOUR boy, but i’ve been there, too… mine was 3 and woke up asking for goldfish, which i gave him when we got home and he ate them and never complained, not once.

    and he slept better and wasn’t so cranky (b/c he was sleeping better) and got sick less and it was the best decision we made for him.

    your tree is beautiful.

    xoxo

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  34. well i am new just having joined a few weeks and they have been wonderful…i am late in my comment because of a beautiful gift unwrapped in a rare visit from a dearest sister and friend and this tree is beautiful and you must see it and that is what it is all about…be blessed…i will still read your every post and be thankful for you:)

    p.s. you helped underscore what i have been wondering–if i need any deadlines right now…i don’t think so. the book will wait:)

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  35. Gonna miss it friend. But totally understand. There are seasons for this and seasons for that. I am “proud of you” for listening to the still small Voice that told you to lay it down. Blessings, my sister-friend. We gotta get that coffee soon!

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  36. Emily, you have more than earned this respite. For all you have given, and continue to give, to “lay this down” is so very much the right thing to do. Not just for you&your family & your “now”, but to remind each and every one of us who love&respect you that there is a time for us to choose something to lay down, to know it’s right, to bear no guilt. I honor your courage & your love to know what&when to let go and lay down. Wishing you joy and blessings for all the blessings you are & have given…-s-

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  37. PS-Time to start freezing ymmy popsicles&stocking up/making Italian ices&sorbets. 😉 best now, dear strong faithful momma. So much harder on him later in life-and harder for you,too, for you will always suffer along with him,no matter his age. Love&prayers and please keep us posted? -s-

    Reply

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