Today I’m thankful to welcome Alexandra Kuykendall, a writer I’ve had the privilege of meeting, to listen and learn first-hand how genuine she is. I read (and endorsed!) her first book, The Artist’s Daughter, and now she has a second book out in the world, Loving My Actual Life. Thankful for her reminder to shake our addiction to hustle.
When did rushing become such a thing in my life? I think it was when my kids became busy, with lessons and practices and schedules of their own. But no, I remember busy before that. Maybe when my babies were born and I was meeting others’ needs all of the time? No, I know I had the hustle before that too.
When I was full on career girl, yes busy then. I almost can’t remember a time when I wasn’t trying hard to catch the finish line. Perhaps in my childhood there were times when I didn’t put the rush on. But as an adult, trying to calm it all in has been a way of life.
We live in an incredible era of opportunity for women. But I think we’ve misunderstood our newfound choice as a people, especially a female people.
We are not choosing anything; we are trying to do it all.
Because with a choice we must say “no” to something in order to say “yes” to something else. You choose one thing over another. But I find I’m instead saying “yes” to everything.
And that way of operating forgets that I have limits. My days have twenty-four hours no matter how much I try to cram into them. My body needs fuel and sleep. I try to deprive it of both. My soul must have quiet, though I live a nonstop existence of information consumption. My soul doesn’t do well in the hustle.
It’s no surprise that a hustler is one who tricks and lies. That’s exactly what the hustle does, it lies to us about what’s important and what makes us important. The busier, the better, right? The more productive, the more valuable. It’s the American way. Protestant work ethic and all.
Yet the truth teller squeezes in between me and the lies and whispers this, “Come.”
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”
Or, “Come to me all those toiling and bearing burdens….” Our work makes us weary. Our toiling creates even more burden. Our hustle makes more work.
The opposite of lies is truth.
The opposite of hustle is come.
It is a moving toward. And if we’re truly weary, it is a falling toward. A collapsing really, toward the one who gives rest.
In my little life experiment of how better to do life, I started with the hustle. I knew I needed to quit it. Like any addiction, it was telling me I couldn’t live without it. And yet what I truly couldn’t live without, in every sense, was him. The Prince of Peace. Emmanuel, God with us.
Pulling the Band-Aid off hurts. Whether done quickly or methodically. We all have our preferences, perhaps we fall into categories of fast or slow people. No matter, we are all prone to the busy. The hustle is simply an overextension of what we can humanly bare and pretending we can do more than we actually can.
A Band-Aid does not heal. It simply covers.
As is true with the over extending and with the people-pleasing. Or more accurately, people-impressing. With the saying “yes” past the limits of our human capabilities. We use the hustle to cover the hurt, to avoid the injuries of the heart, the parts of our actual lives we want to avoid.
Sometimes it’s easier to look at a Band-Aid than to examine the wound.
I had to do it, this hustle quitting, this pulling off the Band-Aid, in the context of my actual life, the one that has five other people to feed thas work deadlines and soccer games and a parent transitioning fulltime to a wheelchair. I needed to separate the essential from the extra. And for a girl who finds the hustle tempting, even addicting, I needed to stop.
So that is where I began the experiment to love my actual life. By stopping.
I did not want to miss this one life I’ve been gifted. This one day. There is no promise for tomorrow.
We are called to meet Emmanuel here, in the nitty gritty of our ordinary surrounded by our actual circumstances.
“For I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” –Phillipians 4:11-13
The opposite of lies is truth.
The opposite of hustle is come.
Alexandra Kuykendall did a nine-month experiment to love her current life. She documented her journey in her new book Loving My Actual Life: An Experiment in Relishing What’s Right in Front of Me. She is the author of The Artist’s Daughter: A Memoir and frequent speaker to women’s groups around the country.
Alex and her husband Derek make their home in the shadows of downtown Denver with their four daughters. You can connect with here at AlexandraKuykendall.com.
Sandi says
June 16, 2016 at 1:27 PMMy life has taken a change from hustle as my children are grown. There can be demands from other areas expecting time to be filled in a certain manner. Good things, but are they what God wants for me? The need either to keep busy or to have other (unhealthy) inner needs met can cover where God wants to take me. I breathe, I live, I am free to be me as I keep my eyes open and my hand in Jesus.
Alexandra Kuykendall says
June 20, 2016 at 9:50 AMYes Sandi. I’ve come to realize that I can fill my time with all good things, I usually do, but are they God’s best things for me? That is the question I am starting to come back to.
Erin says
June 16, 2016 at 1:29 PMThe premise behind your experiment, Alexandra, is something I can very much relate to. As a working mom of three (including twin toddlers) who craves quiet moments, I am in a constant battle against hustle and hurry. Even though it isn’t an identified focus, if I look back at all of the content I have written on my own blog, I can see that has been a general theme all along. The anxiety and exhaustion I feel on a regular basis in most cases is caused by being a slave to hustle. I look forward to reading your book and finding some nuggets of wisdom that I can use to remove the hurry in my own family.
Katie Blackburn says
June 16, 2016 at 2:13 PMJust love this, Alex! The opposite of hustle is come. Amen, friend.
Linda Stoll says
June 16, 2016 at 2:58 PMLet’s hear it for letting our striving cease, one decision, one choice at a time …
Maybe we can start with our endless online obsession.
Thank you, Alex.
Virginia Hanslien says
June 17, 2016 at 8:47 AMI love how you’ve put this! The opposite of hustle is come. Come to Him! Just. Slow. Down.
Sarah says
June 17, 2016 at 11:14 AMI’ve read and reread these words. Sometimes you don’t want to see yourself in another’s words. Sometimes you don’t want to admit…that’s me. Perhaps I prefer the Band-aid view instead of the wound view. Perhaps the hustle covers the hurt. And, it’s easy because hustling is socially acceptable – even encouraged. I am thankful for these words today. (And I ordered the book!)
Beth williams says
June 17, 2016 at 5:47 PMAlexandria,
For a few years I had the hustle going well. I didn’t like it. The hustle combined with other life events caused me much stress. Lo ve my quiet times. I can stay busy with
“Godly activities”-seeking to fill up my time or I can stop and seek guidance from God as to what He wants me to do!
Blessings 🙂
Natalie says
June 18, 2016 at 10:57 AMOh my, how this post resonates with me…. I love this- “The opposite of hustle is come.” For the last year I have been learning this truth and practicing the art of saying no, of resting instead of rushing, of allowing time for my soul to breathe. I am still learning, and thank you for this reminder to stay on course, to not pretend I can do it all, to listen on,y to what He is asking me to do. Blessings to you, Alex!
Margaret says
June 29, 2016 at 11:29 AMWhen I’m not busy with a project I feel useless, lazy, unimportant. I tend to take on other people’s projects, projects that need to be completed by a whole team of people but end up solely dependent on my performance. In the beginning I tell myself that I’m helping someone, I’m doing a good thing. In the end the dialogue is different, I tell myself and anyone who will listen(usually my Wonderful, Supportive husband) that I saved the day, those people could never have completed that project without my intellect and ingenious know how! Wow, as this truth comes to light in this very moment, I realize that everything I have taken on was to prove to myself that I am good enough, smart enough, capable enough. I have been so busy trying to excel at everyone else’s stuff, I have been failing to do my own! I have been clamoring for the approval of man instead of doing what will bring the most glory to my Creator! I have been pursuing the atta boy’s and thank you’s of the world, instead of fulfilling my Purpose. You see, the Purpose for which God has called and created me is so much scarier than taking on other people’s projects. God has called me to write and speak, this purpose requires me to sit still, study, think, and can be filled with rejection. All of which the world perceives as lazy and negative. Instead of being a hero at someone else’s purpose, what if I am a zero at mine? But, I have to remember that I serve a God that is omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent, and immutable. God knows everything about me and He still called me. God is always with me, there is no where that I can go that he has not already gone. God can do anything there is nothing too hard for him and his strength is glorified in my weakness. And finally, I serve the God who never changes, he called me and will not change his mind! He has always been there for me and this time is no different! I say all of this to say, I choose come over hustle and God’s truth over the lies of the enemy!
Wicorel says
July 3, 2016 at 1:13 PMThese are much needed words, especially today. Thank you Alexandra. And Thank you Emily for introducing your friend to us. I ordered both your books: Loving my actual Life and Simply Tuesday and I am sooo looking forward to reading them!