emily p. freeman

Creating space for your soul to breathe so you can discern your next right thing.

10 Things I Learned This Winter

We do this every quarter and will share our next list (What We Learned in Spring) on Friday, May 29. If you are drawn to reflection but aren’t sure where to start, I’ve created an entire self-paced, online class to help you reflect on your life. Learn more and enroll in Discern + Decide right here.

Welcome to What We Learned, where we pause to reflect on the past season before we move ahead into the future. “It’s not the experience that brings transformation,”says author and teacher Jan Johnson, “it’s our reflection upon our experience.”

If that’s true (and I’m convinced it is) then it’s vital we establish intentional time to reflect on our lives. Reflection is part of my daily and weekly routine, but once a quarter I like to share some of my list and invite you to share yours. Note: Where books are shared, affiliate links are used.

Here are 10 things I learned this winter in no particular order:

 

1. I can change my habits.

Towards the end of last year I read Atomic Habits by James Clear and while there wasn’t necessarily any earth-shattering advice inside the pages, I still found I couldn’t put the book down.

Sometimes simple truth is the most irresistible. Specifically, I have gone from zero yoga in the second half of 2019 to a daily home practice of yoga in 2020 (today marks day 58 in a row!)

The non-secret secret: Make it obvious, easy, attractive, and satisfying.

 

2. Our kids birthdays are not just for our kids.

The girls turned 16 in January and after asking them for months in advance what they wanted to do to celebrate and getting only half answers and I don’t cares, I realized maybe my obsession with wanting their birthday to be special was not just for them but for me.

And so I made a list in my journal of what I wanted for their birthday:

  • I want them to feel celebrated in a way that suits them.
  • I want to be present.
  • I want to bring peace into the day.
  • I want to eat good food.
  • I want to celebrate the milestone without being annoying.

 

3. I need to say no even more than I thought.

As someone who talks a lot about boundaries, essentialism, and making space, I’ve learned this winter that I still have a lot to learn about actually putting this into practice. Coming soon: Emily has less meetings.

 

4. I need to say yes even more than I thought.

What?! Emily where is the glitch in the matrix you just said the opposite are you okay? I’m learning it’s possible to need to say no and yes at the same time just not to the same things.

For example, I need to say no to almost all requests for endorsements right now (I know, it’s a super author-specific example but this is my life and my list so you understand) so that I can say yes to collaborations, a few learning communities, and a huge project that requires deep work.

5. “There’s a light at the end of letting go.” Sawyer, Letting Go

It feels like the worst, this letting go of what you thought would be and who you thought you were. But this line sums it up and feels especially important during this current season of lent.

“I found the door but not the key
To be alone but not lonely
God help me to believe
There’s a door that I can’t see

Even when I’m left to stand alone
Even if you never come back home
Still I know I can feel it in my bones
There’s a light at the end of letting go”

 

6. I am not my emotions.

I may feel them deeply. I may despise them desperately. They may move me to from madness to gladness and back again some days. But they do not own me, boss me, or define me.

 

7. Pinterest is the most beautiful and useful search engine.

Thanks to my sister and her Cozy Minimalist Community, I have started to re-think our living room. She gives step by step instructions on how to redo a room of your house, starting with creating a pinterest board of inspiration with at least 50 pins.

Here are some images I pinned for our living room and I continue to be fascinated by my inability to avoid florals and pinks despite my verbal insistence that I love only neutrals.

8. Parenting is hard and I’ll never feel like I’m doing it right.

I know this is not the right way to frame this (what does “doing it right” even look like anyway? Don’t answer that.) But I think this has been a season of accepting that our kids are growing up and [Spoiler alert!] we still haven’t really figured out how to parent them. Lord have mercy. Jesus be near.

9. Speed matters in a race but life is not a competition.

When it comes to creativity, personal development, spiritual formation, and life with God and others, your pace is your pace and there’s no such thing as behind.

10. Once I finally found the courage to confess I was lonely, I found so many people are lonely, too.

I will have more to say about this but in summary, that’s a huge thing I learned this season. See: this podcast episode and this instagram post.

Now it’s your turn. What’s something you’ve learned this season?

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. YES to our kids’ birthdays being about more than just them. I love your approach! Also, your #8 has me a bit scared: mine are 5 and five months and I had hoped I might get better at this parenting gig with time….

    Reply

  2. Thanks for this, particularly the ambivalent parent words. I’m coming to the end of parenting kids–youngest son turned 18 and graduates in June, and I’m learning how to be present for adult children. Their delightful offspring are the easy part!
    Winter is not nearly over here in Maine, so maybe I’ll master this before spring?
    Or maybe not.
    Blessings to you!

    Reply

    • Oh the dearth of books on relating to your adult Children when compared to the baby stage, r it by? I own about six or seven and have read a couple more so maybe there’s not a dearth of books but a dearth of “ getting it” on my part? Our “ girls” are in their mid and late 30’s, one single, one married with four wonderful kids. Heartstrings stretch, heads get scratched, prayers are said, and hopefully love covers a multitude of sins and confusion!!

      Reply

  3. Those words, “There’s a light at the end of letting go” resonated with a deep part of my soul. I have been a missionary the past 5 years in Haiti and at the beginning of 2019 I made the decision to go to grad school for counseling. By making that decision, I knew that it also meant that I would be moving away from this mission field and into another. I am in my final 6 months here and my goal is to finish well and be present for the moments in front of me. When I read that sentence in your email, I had to come to the blog to learn more. I will soon be letting go of the life I’ve been living here and I know it will be hard. I’m sure I’ll endure my fair share of “dark nights of the soul” and deal with a lot of grief and sadness, but I know that moving back stateside is my next right thing. I can see the light from where I stand on this mountaintop, over the dark valley I must travel though, and on the horizon of the other mountain I will be climbing here soon. So I continue on…unafraid and trusting that what is found in the light will be worth going through the darkness for. Thanks for sharing.

    Reply

    • I just found out today that long term
      Friends of mine are leaving their field in SE Asia after 27 years there, and another 10 or so on islands nearby. I can’t imagine what they or you are feeling.

      Reply

  5. A thought for your Pinterest search… Benjamin Moore Paints has a new series for 2020 and one of the colors in the palette is First Light… a very pale pink. The other colors in the collection are a very nice combination of some neutrals… and some other touches of color. They are very soothing to me… I am repainting walls and furniture in several of the colors. Not everything, just some things. But it looks wonderful. The color First Light was very inspirational to me… it made me think of what dawn might have been like the morning of Jesus’ resurrection. I like surrounding myself with some of that. And they have other colors which may appeal to you for your own unique reasons. I was able to pin some things from their web site.

    As for loneliness, there is no place more lonely that being lonely in a marriage where you are unequally yoked. I have been married for about 16 years and most of that time… with the exception of the first year or two… I would truthfully rather be alone.

    Reply

  6. These are great. Thanks so much for sharing. I’ve learned two important (at least for me) things this winter. First, some of life’s sweetest moments can be found in the waiting. Secondly, life really does continue after children move away from home and can be very meaningful and joyful if I will just let God use me where I’m at in life.

    Reply

  7. “I am not my emotions.” I had to write that one down because that is something I need to learn. Pinterest is such a good platform for building inspiration boards, either for a remodeling/decorating project or just motivation. It has been really difficult to set boundaries and stick to them, especially when it means telling someone no. That is also something I am working on.

    Reply

  8. What I have learned this past Winter is that you are never to old for God to revitalize and teach you a new approach to prayer! I have honestly struggled with my prayer life for years and felt I was a failure in my discipline and focus as I prayed. I knew I needed to be more consistent because my family and friends needed to be covered in prayer and I really needed to talk to my Father in heaven more often. So in January I went into my quite place opened my Bible to the first Chapter of Psalms and read through it once, then I highlighted those verses that I felt the Holy Spirit was nudging me to pray over my loved ones and myself. I cannot tell you the difference this has made in my prayer life! Everyday now I just know that God’s word will guide and direct my thoughts as I lift up my loved ones in prayer…major breakthrough for me has occurred! So I guess that God is teaching me that even at 61 years old God can teach you and move you to a better place!!?

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  9. That I need to say no more and that while I am not a gardener I have found some plants I can love on who dont curl up and die and they make me happy. I so love your podcast on loneliness and i amhere to gell you my wins are 23
    And i am sure i dont have this parenting thing figured out. Either so hers to knowing God is right there. Thank you for blessing me

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  10. I am almost 33 years old and feel behind in many aspects of life: growing up, relationships, interpersonal, career, etc. Thank you for encouraging #9. When it comes to creativity, personal development, spiritual formation, and life with God and others, your pace is your pace and there’s no such thing as behind. Words of hope are words to live by.

    Reply

  11. I must second the gratitude for the lesson on parenting. My 5-year-old is entering school this August and the thought of parenting him through this stage is anxiety inducing. I am framing it as another adventure in this journey of life and that helps. Thank you.

    Reply

  12. Love this post! All of it! Can you please share what that beautifully illustrated book is in the middle pic under the heading of this post?

    Reply

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