We do this every quarter and will share our next list (What We Learned in Winter) on Friday, February 28. If you are drawn to reflection but aren’t sure where to start, I’ve created an entire self-paced, online class to help you reflect on your life. Learn more and enroll in Discern + Decide right here.
Welcome to What We Learned, where we pause to reflect on the past season before we move ahead into the future. “It’s not the experience that brings transformation,”says author and teacher Jan Johnson, “it’s our reflection upon our experience.”
If that’s true (and I’m convinced it is) then it’s vital we establish intentional time to reflect on our lives. Reflection is part of my daily and weekly routine, but once a quarter I like to share some of my list and invite you to share yours.
At the end of this post, you’re invited to link up to your own list of what you learned this quarter – be it silly, serious, sacred, or just plain useful. I like to share a mix of all of those. Here are 10 things I learned this fall in no particular order:
1. Leading a retreat for women I know is not as scary as it used to be.
At the end of October I had the honor of being the word-sayer at our church women’s weekend (I would say speaker, but the weekend is so casual and intimate that to say “speaker” makes it sounds like something it isn’t). Years ago this would have been a dreaded, nerve-wracking assignment. This year it just felt like a gift.
2. I prefer the beach in the summer.
While I loved the content and company of our women’s weekend, I do realize I prefer to travel to locations that are congruent with my idea of the seasons. Beach in summer, mountains in fall and winter. This is not a complaint, just an observation. Carry on.
3. I love to teach.
As an author and speaker, I’ve been teaching for years. Not in an academic way but in ways that still count. Then in 2016 I had a vivid dream about being an actual teacher. I woke up and immediately wrote it down because it had such an impact on me. Maybe I’ll tell that whole story later but this Fall after teaching a day-long workshop in Wichita I moved one step closer to owning this part of my design.
5. Logic is not superior to emotion.
Both are allowed a seat at the table. Neither are allowed to rule alone.
4. Next time I co-host a big event, I need to schedule recovery time.
For most of 2019 we worked on the hope*writers conference and even though we had a lot of help, even though it was a beautiful event I was proud of, and even though we were more prepared than we’ve ever been for a live event, I still forgot to plan for one thing: I forgot to remember how brutal re-entry can be.
After a full four days at this event, it took me a week to feel like myself again. I wish I would have remembered how hard it is to come back to life, to battle the doubts that come knocking once your defenses are down. Next time I’ll remember. I should have known better. I’ve done this before! See: This post.
P.S. If you need help with re-entering life after a big event, time off, or a major transition, maybe that post on reentry will help.
6. “Don’t look at the wall. Your car goes where your eyes go.” – Mario Andretti
It’s advice for a race car driver but I found it most helpful during a week-long bout of discouragement in my work. Thank you, Mario, for this reminder to not look at the wall.
7. Cinnamon in the coffee grounds is magical.
I cannot express how much more I enjoy my morning coffee when brewed with cinnamon in the grounds. It’s Christmas in a cup!
8. Small group work is my actual jam.
I feel like I’ve said this before but I keep learning it on different levels. For years (years I tell you!) I have felt out of place in the stage culture that those in my industry seem to inhabit so comfortably. It’s not that I think it’s wrong to stand on stages, it just doesn’t seem like the place where my most valuable contribution is offered. This has always been a tension for me. What does it look like to be an author who doesn’t travel and speak on stages?
Slowly I’ve been living into that answer. First, it looked like saying yes to lots of speaking and never feeling fully like myself. Next it felt like saying no to most of the speaking and always wondering if I was doing it wrong. These days, it looks like hope*writers (and still does), serving writers online from the comfort of my own home. It looks like Literary London with Tsh Oxenreider (one of my favorite trips ever – this year we’ll take our third group).
And next year it will look like being a lecturer for the Masters in Spiritual Formation residencies at Friends University and co-leading 28 hope*writers through year long mastermind cohort.
We introduced this mastermind group opportunity at our conference in early November and now we have a lovely group of writers ready to make progress together in 2020. I’m paying attention to how excited I am to dig in with a small group for a full year.
9. Felicity is not that great of a show.
I watched all four seasons over the past few months and I kept waiting to love it. It kept not happening. I know this might be a controversial opinion, but there you go. I adored a few of the characters and appreciated the way Felicity evolved over the course of the show. But as a whole, I just didn’t enjoy it the way I wished I had. #teamnoel
10. Always buy the pink chair.
It doesn’t have to be a chair and it doesn’t have to be pink but the point is if you are shopping and have money in your pocket to spend and you see something you love within your means, don’t talk yourself out of it because of doubts or lack of confidence or whatever. In the spirit of pick what you like and see how it grows, just buy the pink chair already.
Now it’s your turn. What did you learn this fall?
As an INFJ who secretly wishes I was an INTJ, #5 is something I’ve been *trying* to learn for several years now. My emotions say it’s so, my logical side refuses to give up its superiority….
Thanks, Emily, for taking time to reflect and then inviting us all into the process. It does make a difference.
I always love your lists Emily-since my bittersweet time of life in west Africa,when I discovered your brilliant podcast, I’ve been a loyal listener and reader. You have been a balm to my heart this year during the readjustment season to life in America. Thank you for being true to who you are and for speaking truth to the rest of us.
So good to read your seasonal reflection just now. It’s as though we’ve just had a cup of coffee together. It’s Sunday afternoon and I’m cozy on the couch in front of a fire with journal in hand and reflecting on the past two months. I took up your challenge in January and have written a reflection at the end of each month which has proven to be a rich discipline that I intend to continue in 2020. Though I would love to be a part of your mastermind class, it wasn’t my next right thing. But I am enjoying Ann Kroeker’s online book proposal course and looking forward to refining what I pitched at the conference.
What I’ve learned this fall:
* Two and a half weeks is the ideal length of vacation for me!
* As an ‘older’ ESFP, I really like routine and discipline!
* I’m wired for community & meaningful connections but I need my alone
time more than ever.
* Spiritual direction is my passion & finally comes easily after doing it 5
years. I’m wondering if writing will come as easily after doing it 5 years.
Lovely. Cinnamon in coffee sounds like an immediate must-try. And re re-entry from the conference…yeah. Considering how hard it was as simply an attendee, I can’t imagine what it must have been like for those running the show! Maybe the dire need for re-entry space correlates directly with how amazing the event is…in which case, we all probably needed a month! Being there was a gift.
Hi Emily, found you from Lacey’s site… she is In a class of mine at Seattle U. Thank you for putting g this content out. As a former interior design shape shifting into a spiritual counselor, I live the “buy the pink chair” reflection. So many times our ego or the judgement in our heads tell us no. So often we miss a bit of permanent joy that we could have obtained by listening to the conditioned response.
And the joy of a pink chair is not yours alone, but available to everyone who enters your home.
eep #5. Yes to #10 🙂 lovely reminders Emily – of things we already probably know but could use a nudge once in a while….thank you for your beautiful words!
#teamben! Felicity first came on while I was in college — if I watched it for the first time now, I would probably not love it either. I really only liked the first 2 seasons, and the end of the series when she went back in time. Haha!
Hi Emily,
Love the pink chair! I’ve been buying (used) for my new house and have navigated a lot of “I love this and it’s OK to buy this,” something I used to struggle with way more. Practice helps so much!
Hey – I just linked up my own What I Learned This Fall and it includes the fact that (drum roll!) I’m entering your Master Mind class. Woooot! So excited. Any chance you’d be cool with me putting your awesome photo announcing the mastermind in place of my little screenshot of the Hope*Writers logo (item #10 on my post)? It’s fine if you’d prefer not to, but I thought it couldn’t hurt to ask.
http://www.susanbarico.com/blog/2019/11/18/what-i-learned-this-summer-delight-turtles-and-readalouds
Excited to meet you in person in the new year!
Sure you can! And also – YAY for 2020!
Pink = everything
Thanks for sharing your learning journey. I could especially relate to how you felt after your conference. I led a women’s retreat this fall, and while it was a wonderful time with lovely people, I felt really blue for a few days after the event. I realized that big projects like that are similar to having a baby and I need to give myself recovery time and grace so that I protect my own heart and my family as I ease back into normal life.
Always #teamnoel. Admittedly, I was only a casual watcher of Felicity, but I just never got her attraction to Ben. I’ve had a crush on Scott Foley ever since ♥️
Oh Emily, thank you for actually writing down your reflections! I think they will stay in my mind but they don’t!
So fun, thanks for sharing! YES to cinnamon grounds in coffee, but only when my husband isn’t looking when I make the coffee! 🙂 Love what you shared about figuring out that stage speaking isn’t your jam and smaller groups are – I have a hunch I’ll be the same way. I wish with all my heart I could go to Literary London this year, but still holding out hope for a future trip. And I’d still like to be your friend even if you don’t like Felicity. 🙂
Nice article. I will bookmark this page for future references.