emily p. freeman

Creating space for your soul to breathe so you can discern your next right thing.

Forgiving God

Some writers write words that come off the page like two hands cupping your face, inviting you to slow, to focus, and to simply listen. Just slow and listen to this.

Hilary Yancey is one of those writers and she finally wrote a whole book. Here is a taste of her writing and then you can go put on your tennis shoes and run out to get her book. Or just go to Amazon Prime because you’re not an animal.

We were late to our eighteen-week ultrasound. Preston surprised me with a lunch date at a farm-to-table restaurant just outside Waco. I had been picking at my salad throughout, then picking at my dessert. Ever since the positive pregnancy test, ever since the scribbled note of “large baby for gestational age,” I had lived on a live wire of worry.

This ultrasound, which was the reason for the lunch, the reason for the celebrating, was full of fear. An ultrasound could declare that things hadn’t gone according to plan or it could bless us with uneventful normalcy, with everything as expected. I had worried for days that it would be the first, and as the ultrasound approached, I became convinced that something was wrong, that we would learn something terrible that Friday afternoon.

I sat sullenly at our celebration lunch, listlessly moving the lettuce around on my plate with my fork. Preston tried several times to ask me why I didn’t seem very peaceful or excited. He tried to remind me that we were seeing our child for the first time. Instead of answering his question, I picked a fight with him about the fact that we would be late right as the waitress brought over our check.

It was raining while we drove back, and I wasn’t dressed for it. My thin cotton skirt was covered in wet splotches. I pressed my hands against it, feeling my gooseflesh beneath.

We arrived and I was called back fairly quickly. Preston stood up to join me, but the nurse told him to wait, that they would “call Dad back later.” I followed the nurse back silently, holding my wallet in my hands because my skirt didn’t have any pockets. Once I was on the table, the technician started to swirl the transducer probe over my belly only to declare irritably that she couldn’t see much because my bladder was too full, and gestured to a bathroom across the narrow hallway.

I stood up and walked meekly to the bathroom. I was mad that I had been late, mad that I had tried so hard to drink the eight necessary glasses of water a day only to be told it was wrong. I am the kind of person who, upon deciding that she has just done the entire day wrong, cannot be persuaded otherwise. I had failed the morning; I had failed lunch with my husband; I had failed the ultrasound; I had failed this baby. I washed my hands and slunk back into the room.

The exam was completely silent. The technician commented only once, to express frustration that the baby moved so much that she was having trouble getting good pictures of the face. She sighed multiple times, tracing the same circles around and around, shifting in her chair. When she said that the baby was so active, I tried to smile. “That’s good, right?” She said nothing.

I continued to stare at the green and cream border on the walls. There was a large calendar just opposite the exam table, turned to the month of April. It was a calendar with platitudes written across a beautiful sunrise background, things like “Live, laugh, love” and “Every act of kindness grows the spirit and strengthens the soul,” things people put up on refurbished shiplap in their homes.

I read the words on the April graphic of a generic sunrise, or a sweetly blooming daffodil, and swallowed too loudly. I wondered if she could hear my heart beating against my bones. I wondered if she was judging me, my silence, my lack of questions or exclamations or rambunctious joy. I wondered if she had even registered my face before hunting for my child’s.

I prayed in that room, lying in that anxious horizontal position, my hands tickled by the paper they roll onto exam tables. God spoke one thing back, something I have forgotten until the writing of this book, something I proclaimed for a week or two, until the diagnosis, until the end and the beginning: “She can never tell you something about this person I do not already know.”

YOU GUYS.

I know it’s a cliff-hanger, I know. But this is an actual excerpt from Forgiving God: A Story of Faith and you need to get it right this minute so you can read her story.

Hilary Yancey loves good words, good questions, and sunny afternoons sitting on her front porch with a strong cup of tea. She and her husband, Preston, and their two children, Jack and Junia, live in Waco, Texas where Hilary is completing her Ph.D. in philosophy at Baylor University.

Her first book, Forgiving God: A Story of Faith is available wherever fine books are sold (Amazon, Barnes & Noble) – and you can hear Hilary read the audiobook, too!

P.S. After her son was born, Hilary posted this photo on her Instagram. I have never forgotten the stunning and compelling novel that her beautiful face expresses without saying a word. It is exquisite and sacred and I will never forget it.

2018 is the New 2009

This morning I woke up and was compelled to write a blog post like it’s 2009. But maybe that’s not quite right.

I’m convinced in the power of letting things go, of hushing up for a while, and giving not only our souls room to breathe, but our practices, too.

I haven’t written in a free-form kind of way in this space for a while, but there’s no need to go back in time to invite back into our lives what we loved about the past. We can do it now, in whatever way we like. We can do it in 2018, too.

I can’t fully account for the compulsion I woke up with to write here. Maybe it’s because I read Emily’s post about her family’s vacation the other day or maybe it’s because I’m a writer, after all, and a blog is still the best place to practice writing and see what connects, if you ask me.

It could also be that this week I’ve been combing through my iPhotos to delete duplicate, terrible, and oops images and in the process I watched my life scroll by in pixels and it reminded me of the old days of blogging where we shared the little things and the ridiculous things and sometimes the big things, too.

We still do that, I know. Just in different ways and different places (hello my beloved instagram! I see you and never plan to leave you.)

My compulsion to write a personal blog post this morning could also be because of this: it’s the end of April and the twins are in 8th grade and their little brother is in 5th grade and that means in the next few months, we will be transitioning from elementary school to middle school for him and from middle school to high school for them and I’m starting to feel some kind of way about that.

That was a four line run-on sentence and I don’t even care.

I started this blog before our youngest was born and having him go into middle school in the fall, well. It’s enough to force a mama to write on a blog again is what I’m saying.

So here I am and here you are and look at us! Writing and reading blogs still! Sometimes it’s good to do things just because you want to.

To be clear, not writing as often in this space is not a strategic decision for me. It’s just been a natural evolution of life, of simpler platforms, of easier ways to communicate with you, and of time.

Also, I’m in grad school, finishing up my second semester and preparing for summer term. Being a student again has a way of clearing the decks and honing in priorities, not to mention if I’m sitting down to write a thousand words, it’s going to be for a school assignment and not a blog post.

By the way, because I know some of you will ask, I wrote about my school decision here: How I Made A Hard Decision. If you’re curious, I’m getting my Masters in Christian Spiritual Formation and Leadership and I’ll be finished with it next spring.

So these are the days of required reading, of spiritual theology, of looking and re-looking at what I believe. With each new chapter, lecture, and conversation, I am more curious, more in awe of the mystery, more grateful for our friend Jesus, and more convinced than ever that His kingdom is strong and unshakeable – to borrow the phrase from my friend and teacher James Bryan Smith.

These are the days of teaching, encouraging, and co-leading a group of over 1,000 hope*writers in our membership community, a space we decided to make priority during the first quarter of 2018.

We spent countless hours building and re-building that space that we’ve run for two years and now in what will be our third year, we’ve caught a fresh vision for how we want to serve our writers and how the whole thing fits into our own unique calling and, though it takes up more time than ever and is fast becoming a huge part of my job, I’m grateful everyday I get to do it. What a gift.

Last week I traveled with John to California to serve at our friend Jamin Goggin’s church. We met Jamin two years ago when we traveled to Italy for the Tuscany Writer’s Retreat and had a near instant connection.

Here he is in one of my favorite photos from our week together, he and Jenni Burke (they led the trip together) serving the pool goers. Only in Italy.

So we had a connection and because of that, he invited me to come serve the women at his church last week, to lead them in retreat which now ranks up there as one of my most favorite events I’ve been a part of in recent years. But my point is, several California hope*writers drove hours to come to this retreat simply because I was going to be there.

I almost cried when I saw them – familiar, kind, writerly faces. These are my people and again, I’m grateful.

And so these are the days of probably working a little too much, of watching Cedar Cove on Netflix because it’s non-threatening and doesn’t make me think too much, of discovering Louise Penny books and Chief Inspector Armand Gamache.

These are the days of watching the new American Idol with the kids and remembering how much I love duets and seeing Katy Perry in a new kind of way that I like.

These are the days of almost seventeen years of marriage to John and how is it possible that I still learn new things about him and just want to spend all the time with him still? After all these years? May that never change.

These are also the days of discovering new apps for photos that help us time travel and manipulate space and erase the existence of people. For example, the photo above? Is a lie. The one below is the truth.

Tell me you see the difference. The app is called Retouch and it has powers is what I’m saying.

But back to the point. I have one. I think.

With all the transition in this space over the last twelve years, a few things remain solid.

I believe more than ever that I’m called to a ministry of listening which feels like a weird thing to say when I’m doing so much talking. But I continue to work to create space for your soul to breathe in whatever way will both serve you and sing well with my own current life stage.

For now, I do that through The Next Right Thing Podcast, instagram (and stories!), and my weekend email and monthly letter.

I can’t say for sure how I’ll continue to do that in the future, but I can say I’m sticking around to find out.

I still love photos.

I still love talking with writers about writing.

I still love writing words I can’t take back, discovering what I think about things by writing my way through it, and listening as a loving discipline for myself and others.

This is turning into a list post, isn’t it? I didn’t mean for that to happen. I have to save some things for our What We Learned link up at the end of May. We still do that, by the way – share what we learned at the end of each quarter.

Here’s what I learned in Winter 2018 if you missed it. List posts are my favorite.

But that was not my intention here. Instead, it was simply to say hello, to document a few things happening these days, and to give myself permission to write on a whim without an agenda.

Thank you for receiving the words and for always being a safe place to come back to. Would love to hear from you in the comments as proof that some people still read blogs!

But listen, if you are a forever lurker and only comment on Instagram or just don’t like commenting in general because it’s a pain, I’m here for that, too. We’re running an introvert friendly gig over here, lurkers welcome, no need to raise your hand.

If all you ever do is skim, nod, and go on your way, you’re always welcome back.

However you show up, I’ll take it. Thanks for doing the same for me.

P.S. Of course I still write regularly, just not always here. You can get my monthly letter by signing up below.

I send out a secret letter to my readers one time a month. Want to get it?

I’m all about helping you create space for your soul to breathe, starting with your inbox. Over 42,000 people trust me with their email address. I will never send spam or photos of bare feet. You have my word on this.

A Soul Minimalist’s Guide to Letting Go

Every choice we make determines our life in big and small ways.

But with the state of our soul and the pace of our lives, are we giving ourselves the room we need to make thoughtful decisions, much less ones that actually reflect who we are and what we feel called to?

We are finishing up this season of Lent and many people gave things up, the sugar, the Netflix, the small obsessions that hijack our focus and the larger ones that keep us numb and disengaged.

So in this season of giving things up, I wanted to enter the conversation with a question. What does it mean to let things go? Maybe not just for a season, maybe for good. What do we need to release?

For anyone who wants to uncover some of those things so that you can move forward in love, I give you this — A Soul Minimalist’s Guide to Letting Go.

 

Stop rushing clarity

For the last three years, I’ve had some ideas for a few projects. Some I’ve done and others I can’t quite move on yet. It’s not for lack of motivation or conviction that the thing ought to be done. But I’ve had this unequivocal sense that I need to wait like a hand is stretched out in front of me.

I’ve walked through all the familiar stages of new project things with this idea, the talking, the praying, brainstorming, writing down notes as ideas as they come, paying attention to the world around me and the world within me as it relates to the subject. But the progress doesn’t seem to come.

When the next steps are unclear, doubt is often the most logical conclusion. Maybe I don’t know how to hear God’s voice after all. Maybe all this is just my idea.

We can start down that road of doubt and questioning if we want to. But just because the doubts show up doesn’t meant you have to let them sit down. They won’t linger if they’re not welcome.

“Clarity cannot be rushed.”

–Marie Forleo

If you need help in learning how to trust that voice that comes from within, listen to Episode 27 of The Next Right Thing Podcast or read the transcript right here.

Stand on your head

One of the most unlikely practices that have helped me learn to release some things is by standing on my head. Not metaphorically, but actually, physically standing on my head.

I’ve been delightfully surprised at the simple lessons I’ve learned while physically practicing this inversion – but the truth is we can practice standing on our head even if we never get upside down. It’s all about perspective.

In my own personal practice of letting go this month, I’m realizing I need to let go of the version of myself who feels like she always has to be productive. Standing on my head keeps me playful, open, and light.

“When I hold on to the wrong things, the wrong things hold on to me.”

–John Freeman

If you would like to hear the 3 ways the headstand can help us let go in order to make room for something good, listen in to Episode 28 of The Next Right Thing or read the transcript right here. Good news: you don’t have to actually stand on your head to get the benefits of letting go!

Remember the real art

Years ago, before the store was a store, she had a dream to create a place where they take the old, beautiful things, the wooden chairs and side tables and other broken pieces people tend to throw away, and give them new life. They wanted a place to do what they always did: make the used into art.

They had their last big mark-down sale and cleaned out the back rooms both the crannies as well as the nooks. Our community said goodbye to the little shop called Chartreuse.

I can see how that might seem like sad news, that our friends who had a dream have now closed down their shop. If you only looked from the outside, you might lose hope.

The art lives on because the true art was not the shop.

The real art isn’t a shop any more than it’s a song, a book, a painting, or a degree. The real art is something more, something deeper, something good.

When you hold your dreams with open hands, you let them breathe, grow, and have life. This can be scary because living things move, they change, and they take shapes we can’t predict or control.  Instead of seeing it as a letting go, maybe instead it’s a making room. Let go of what no longer fits. Make room for something good.

To hear how my friends let go of what they thought the dream was supposed to look like and how they opened up to a new idea, listen in to Episode 29 The Next Right Thing Podcast or read the transcript right here.

Hold one thing at a time.

In my experience, a practical roadblock of doing the next thing in love is we are carrying too many things in the first place. What if we gave ourselves permission to hold just one thing at a time?

There is power in simplicity.

I am never more open to advice, to perspective, and to other people’s opinions than when I have a decision to make. I’m never more aware of my need for God, for hope, and for direction than when I have an unmade decision. I’m open, I’m ready, I’m listening for any clue as to what I should do next.

But often the clues remain within us, unheard and undiscovered.  When we take the time to follow those clues we might find out things we are holding onto that we no longer need and what desires we might need to lean into and where we might need to let go?

Wouldn’t it be so great to take your next right step with this decision you are carrying and to do it today? If that sounds good to you, listen in to Episode 30 of The Next Right Thing Podcast or read the transcript right here.

I created a practice guide for you: How To Make One Decision At A Time. It’s free to download right now.

If you’re having trouble making a decision, this free guide will help you clear the chaos, quiet the critics, and find the courage to finally decide. Leave your email so I'll know where to send it.

 

 

A Soul Minimalist’s Guide to Relationships

Out of all the decisions in this world we have control over, there is definitely one whole category of our lives we can’t predict, manage, or bullet point.

No matter how organized we get, how much we plan, how prepared we are for what might come, one thing we can always count on is that the people in our life will surprise us, delight us, disappoint us, overwhelm us, or confuse us.

We can manage our time, our work, and our agendas but we cannot manage relationships. At least, not if we want them to be healthy.

How do we move forward in love? How can we discern a next right step with the people in our lives when they can be so unpredictable and. . . people-y?

For anyone who wants to remember some basic but often overlooked foundational truths about relating with people, I give you this — A Soul Minimalist’s Guide to Relationships.

 

Release your agenda.

Why is this one so simple and so hard!?

When one of our girls experienced a profound disappointment in her life (she was in fourth grade so gauge your imagination accordingly), I struggled as her mom to balance wanting to teach her a lesson and just wanting to be with her.

It’s true, learning is good and disappointments are an opportunity for growth. But I’ve grown weary of trying to squeeze a lesson out of everything, of always asking what God is trying to teach me in every circumstance, of seeing the world through lesson-colored glasses and forcing struggling people to do that, too.

Instead, when it comes to discerning your next right thing in relationships, releasing your agenda is a good place to start.

Let’s practice walking into the great mystery of God. Let’s practice encountering Jesus as a person and not a character. Let’s practice releasing our agenda to perform, perfect, and prioritize. Let’s live this day as a daughter first and allow the student to tag along behind.

If you want to dive deep into what it looks like to release your own agenda, listen in to Episode 23 of The Next Right Thing Podcast or read the transcript right here.

Look for arrows, not answers.

So often, the questions we have in life that give us trouble aren’t the daily ones like what to wear, what to eat, when to mow the grass (although these can become burdensome if we’re already struggling with decision fatigue).

In my experience, the situations where I most desperately want an answer are the ones that are the hardest to find. These usually have to do with things like faith, vocation, and relationships.

My husband John and I went through a vocational transition about five years ago. No only did we not have answers, every question we asked seemed to birth more questions. What we discovered over that several year-long transition was we were looking for the wrong thing.

Rather than a specific plan, God offered us his hand and led us not to clear answers but simply back to one another. It was one of the most life-changing periods of our lives and it didn’t come from a five step agenda but from listening and looking for arrows to our next right step.

“Sometimes the circumstances at hand force us to be braver than we actually are, and so we knock on doors and ask for assistance. Sometimes not having any idea where we’re going works out better than we could possibly have imagined.” — Ann Patchett, What Now?

If you want to hear more of our personal story of making a vocational transition and how following arrows changed our lives and our marriage, listen in to Episode 24 of The Next Right Thing Podcast or read the transcript right here.

Come home to yourself.

As difficult as it may be to admit, sometimes it’s easier to focus on every relationship except the one I’m guaranteed to have for the rest of my living life – the one between me and myself. It doesn’t seem right since we are already so good at thinking of ourselves first, wondering what people are thinking of us, and basically being our own point of reference in all situations.

Maybe relief from selfishness won’t be found in denying ourselves the way we tend to think of it, but to finally become ourselves the way we were intended to be. Not the false, try-hard, self-referential version, but the true, free self who is created in the image of God.

The only person you’re guaranteed to be with every day of your life is you. So maybe it’s time to make some peace. You don’t have to fly apart in the midst of chaos. You can learn to sit down on the inside and be at home with yourself instead.

“It’s a wild and wonderful thing to bump into someone and realize it’s you.”

—Fil Anderson

If you have a tendency to panic, to doubt yourself, or harass yourself with criticism, listen in to Episode 25 of The Next Right Thing Podcast or read the transcript right here.

Choose connection.

When it comes to relating with people, whether it’s family or strangers, how we enter a room can mean the difference between connecting with them or comparing ourselves to them. If I walk in and immediately wonder, What are they thinking of me? then I have automatically made comparison a top priority.

Contrary to what we often say about connection and chemistry, the truth is connection doesn’t normally just happen. We have to actively choose to set aside our own insecurities and move toward people without an agenda or a measuring stick.

“With people, you can connect or compare but you can’t do both.”

— Shauna Niequist

If you get on your own nerves because you’re constantly comparing yourself to others, listen in to Episode 26 of The Next Right Thing Podcast or read the transcript right here.

emily p freeman

I'm Emily and I'm glad you're here! To receive gentle reminders to pay attention to your life, sign up here for my monthly letter, where you'll get first-word news, books I'm reading now, my favorite things of the month list, and a secret post you won't find anywhere else. If you need some room for your soul to breathe, I'm here to help.

 

Let’s Share What We Learned This Winter

Welcome to What We Learned, where we pause to reflect on the past season before we move ahead into the future. At the end of this post, you’re invited to link up to your own list of what you learned this quarter – be it silly, serious, sacred, or just plain useful. I like to share a mix of all of those.

If you’re visiting for the first time from my podcast The Next Right Thing, welcome! We do this every quarter and will share our next list (What We Learned in Spring) on Thursday May 31. Grab your free printable list here to help you keep track and plan to share with us then. Now you can also share your list on Instagram using #wwlcommunity.

Here are things I learned this winter in no particular order:

 

1. Leah Remini auditioned for the role of Monica Gellar on Friends.

I’m listening to Leah’s memoir Troublemaker on audible right now (and, side note, I feel like I could rock a Brooklyn accent after spending hours listening to her). She talks about how she got into (and eventually out of) Scientology and it is fascinating.

But she also shares a lot about her work as an actress and said when she didn’t get the part of Monica, she was devastated because she knew that show was going to be huge. Of course she was right.

2. Every now and then, friendship has a red letter day. But that’s not the norm.

Speaking of Friends, I went to college with these girls and our small group met on Thursday nights. We would talk about Jesus and pray and laugh. But some weeks we would skip all that and just watch Friends. (Because Thursday night at 8pm).

Every now and then, friendship has a red letter day – like a trip to NYC to see Hamilton for example. But the only reason that’s even possible is because of the years and years of regular life and small connections built over coffee dates and Zumba class and long stretches of ordinary time.

 

3. It’s a wild and wonderful thing to bump into someone and realize it’s you.

If you’ve never felt the shocking, delightful, tender relief of finally feeling like your true self, then this quote might sound strange.

When I heard our friend and teacher Fil say it at an Enneagram workshop we hosted a few weeks back, I nodded and cried.

Coming home can do that to a person. In the presence of God is where we find ourselves. And in the presence of our true self, we finally see God.

I dedicated an entire podcast episode to that this month here — 25: Come Home to Yourself.

 

4. When it comes to art, we don’t care as much about new; we just want true.

I cried in the car by myself the first time I heard Stay Alive (Reprise) on the Hamilton soundtrack. It’s the part where Alexander and Eliza learn their son Philip was just shot in a duel.

But seeing it acted out, right there in the Rodgers theater on Broadway? Welp. I cried like a b-a-b-y. It was Alexander and Eliza sing-repeating – “I know, I know . . . I know, I know.”

That’s what got me. It didn’t matter that I knew it was going to happen.

It didn’t matter that I have heard the song hundreds of times already.

What mattered was those actors were in it. It wasn’t a new scene to me. But it was a true scene. And that’s why it mattered.

 

5. If one kid is on a travel team, it’s a commitment for the whole family.

I knew this, but I didn’t know this. One of our girls is on a travel volleyball team this season and it’s equal parts super fun and super overwhelming.

It’s weird the stuff we do for our kids. We set aside our own agenda, our own grief, our own plans and comfort and ideas of what makes a productive weekend and we drive and sit and wait and pack lunches and stand around and carry bags and refill water bottles.

It’s all part of cheering our kids through all their things – wins, losses, and everything in between.

 

6. My favorite day of Christmas break is December 26.

While I used to dread the day after Christmas, it has officially become one of my favorite days. This year my family was still in town for one more night, we had no agenda but to watch Little Women and eat pizza and finish a wooden puzzle of Florence and have basically the best day ever.

 

7. I associate seasons in our life with TV shows.

It’s weird, but when I look back at my journals from a few years ago, I like to remember what shows we watched together during a particular season. Here are the shows we’ve watched this winter.

Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee: This is the best. We watch one basically every night.

This Is Us: Will we ever forget the episode after the Super Bowl? No we will not ever.

Stranger Things: We finally watched Season 1 and it took us this long because I was scared. But I stuck it out and it was so good. On to Season 2 now.

Good Witch: This show was our answer to the kids question of “is there a show we can watch together as a family?” It’s cheesy, predictable, no one is having sex or saying cuss words and it has townspeople (kind of). Check.

 

8. The ending does not get to define the whole story.

January 13, 2018 was the first day in 104 years that the sun rose on a world without John’s grandmother, Budder.

She died last month in a house fire. We believe the Lord was with her in her final moments and received her with tenderness and great joy.

At first the overwhelming sadness of how her life ended was too much – after all these years, a fire? Really? But the truth is, she’s been ready to be with Jesus, her husband, and her oldest son (John’s Dad) for decades now.

She had 104 beautiful, faithful years and one tragic morning that, in the truest reality, was the most glorious of her life.

If you want to read more about Budder:

***

I keep track of what I’m learning by using my seasonal reflection lists. You can get your own printable lists for tracking your reflections by signing up right here. If you’re new around here and want to know what, how, and tools to track what you’re learning, check out A New Page for Your Bullet Journal.

Some linking tips: 

  • Just use your name for the “link title” – it’s simpler
  • Be sure to link back here on  your post so your readers can join in!


A Soul Minimalist’s Guide to Time Management

“If your life is a constant blur of activity, focus, and obligation, you are likely to miss critical breakthroughs because you won’t have the benefit of pacing and negative space. What’s not there will impact your life as much or more than what is.”

–Todd Henry, The Accidental Creative

I do not have power sheets to offer (love those!), an innovative planner to present (though I want to create this one day), or a webinar to teach you about goal-setting (though I’ve attended at least two of those in the last year).

What I do have is time management for your soul.

Most time saving tips focus on your schedule and we need those. But that’s not why you come here.

My self-appointed job in this space is to help you create space for your soul to breathe so that you can discern your next right thing in love.

These tips might not show up on your calendar but they could help on the more invisible level of your soul.

When we are overwhelmed, it’s easy to become distracted and stuck in false starts. It’s the fast-track to decision fatigue and I want to help get you out of it.

It’s counter-intuitive, but what I often need most when I’m in a rush is to slow down. It helps me think better, discern better, and gently take just one next right step instead of tripping over twenty.

Allow me to help you slow for a few moments so that you can pay attention to what’s happening beneath the surface.

This will inform your decisions and in turn, eventually, your schedule as well.

 

Choose Your Absence

I’m all about being a person of presence. But we can’t be present to everything all the time.

One way to learn to cultivate presence might sound at first, counter intuitive. It’s actually by your absence.

Not your absence from people or responsibility, but absence from the things that are keeping you from your people and your responsibilities.

One thing you could choose your absence from is anything that comes your way disguised as “a great opportunity.”

For many of us the beginning of the year can be a time when we all get high on hope, searching the horizon for what might be next.

Living attentive and paying attention is one of my favorite ways to live, but I’ve discovered if I do it in the wrong order by going outward before I move inward, then I may add to the stress and distraction in my life in ways I never intended to do.

“The biggest deception of our digital age may be the lie that says we can be omni-competent, omni-informed, and omni-present. We must choose our absence, our inability, and our ignorance–and choose wisely.”

–Kevin DeYoung, Crazy Busy

If you want to dive deep into what it looks like to choose absence in your own life, listen in to Episode 19 of The Next Right Thing Podcast or read the transcript right here.

 

Ignore With Intention

If your schedule is already so full that you’re having a hard time even making simple decisions, you probably already recognize the fact that there are a lot of things in your schedule that fall under the column of things you can’t control.

But can we agree that your Instagram feed and your phone notifications are not included in that column?

I mention this because in my season of life right now, the anxiety triggers that cause the most frustration come mostly from a screen either a computer screen like something I read in my email inbox, or on a blog or on Facebook, a TV screen, something I see on the news, or a phone screen like instagram, voxer, or a text message.

For those of us who work online for example like I do, turning off the computer or phone completely isn’t always an option. But there are simple and practical ways to cut down on the low-grade anxiety that is showing up in your feeds and follows.

“The first step to crafting the life you want is getting rid of everything you don’t.”

– Joshua Becker, Becoming Minimalist

For a simple step-by-step guide on how I do this in my own life, listen in to Episode 20 of The Next Right Thing or read the transcript here.

 

Find a No Mentor

What do you do when your schedule is full and you have things waiting in the wings? How do you decide your yeses from your nos? Sometimes you can make a list and other times you can sleep on it.

But some decisions you’re too close to and can’t see the better from the best. That’s why you need a No Mentor, someone who will help you say your strong no so that you can be more available for your brave and intentional yeses.

My sister is the original No Mentor (she even coined the phrase for us) and she is a profesh. This doesn’t mean you have to get her to be your No Mentor, though. You can find someone in your own life to do that for you. And eventually, you can learn to be your own.

“May you be blessed with good friends, and learn to be a good friend to yourself, journeying to that place in your soul where there is love, warmth, and feeling. May this change you.”

— John O’Donohue, To Bless the Space Between Us

For specific guidelines on what to look for in a No Mentor of your own, listen in to Episode 21 of The Next Right Thing or read the transcript here.

 

Embrace Your Limits

There’s something uniquely discouraging about finally knowing what you want to do and where you feel most called only to run into a roadblock. Often these roadblocks present themselves as some kind of limitation – fatigue, heartbreak, time, money, or support.

Instead of fighting those, perhaps your next right thing is to embrace them instead. Because our limits tell us important things about ourselves.

They help us draw lines for margin.

They pave the way for vulnerability.

They show us what we aren’t able to do and that can be just as important as what we are able to do.

If you feel discouraged by your own particular brand of limitation, listen in to Episode 22 of The Next Right Thing or read the transcript here for a hopeful reminder of what’s good about your inability to do it all.

These tips may sound simple, but they may take a lifetime to implement. Ask me how I know.

Be gentle with yourself today. Let’s learn to move forward together, on purpose, with love.

emily p freeman

I'm Emily and I'm glad you're here! To receive gentle reminders to pay attention to your life, sign up here for my monthly letter, where you'll get first-word news, books I'm reading now, my favorite things of the month list, and a secret post you won't find anywhere else. If you need some room for your soul to breathe, I'm here to help.

 

The Ten Best Books I Read in 2017

This is one of my favorite posts to write all year – the one where I share my favorite books!

For the last several years, I’ve been writing down the titles of books I finish. Partial reads don’t go on the list and are not included here.

This year, I finished 28 books. This is less than I planned (as always) but I did start quite a few I haven’t yet finished.

Of the books I finished, I’ve chosen my top 10 favorites to share with you, as well as some honorable mentions at the end. I’ll list them here in no particular order.

All of the “about the book” descriptions come directly from the Amazon book summaries where I am a grateful affiliate, followed by a short explanation of why I loved it. Let’s talk books!

 

America’s First Daughter by Stephanie Dray and Laura Kamoie

Genre: Historical Fiction

About the book: “The untold story of Thomas Jefferson’s eldest daughter, Martha ‘Patsy’ Jefferson Randolph–a woman who kept the secrets of our most enigmatic founding father and shaped an American legacy.”

Why I loved it: It’s a well-researched, fascinating narrative of not only the Jefferson family but also the political and social climate of the time. I was also especially interested in the time period of the American Revolution since becoming slightly obsessed with the Hamilton soundtrack this year. (Sidenote: We saw it last week in New York and it was everything and amazing okay that’s all I’ll say about that now goodbye).

 

Meeting God In Scripture by Jan Johnson

Genre: Spiritual Growth

About the book: Jan Johnson offers forty Scripture meditations, organized topically, giving us the tools we need to practice lectio divina on our own.

Why I loved it: In this collection of guided meditations for reading the Bible in a thoughtful more contemplative way, Johnson is a trustworthy guide. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed her questions, her encouragement to slow down, read multiple times, and to give time for personal response. It’s a great resource if you want to read the Bible with more intention but aren’t sure where to start.

 

The Holy Longing by Ronald Rolheiser

Genre: Spiritual Growth

About the book: “For anyone seeking to understand what Christian spirituality means and how to apply it to their own lives, The Holy Longing translates the universal struggle for love and integration of spirit into a language accessible to all, explaining God and the Church for a world that more often than not doubts the credibility of both.”

Why I loved it: I found myself whispering yes, yes! many times while reading this book. The way he strings together old truths in new ways continually surprised and challenged me to take my own long-held definition of spirituality and hold it out in the light to be questioned, re-shaped, and embraced anew.

 

Begin Again by Leeana Tankersley

Genre: Christian Living/Spiritual Growth

About the book: “To begin again is to open the window, even a crack, to let the breeze of grace come in. It is a call to stop running from our fears. To take one small step toward becoming the brave women we were made to be.”

Why I loved it: I’m cheating a little here because this one doesn’t release until April 2018. The only reason I didn’t read it in one sitting was because I forced myself to slow down so it would last longer.

It reads like a genuine invitation to walk forward in our own lives without shame or regret. Leeana’s words held space for me in areas of my life where I feel stuck, overcome, or undone. I want to give this tender, powerful book to every woman in my life. Do your future self a favor and pre-order it now.

 

In The Name of Jesus by Henri Nouwen

Genre: Christian Living

About the book: “For a society that measures successful leadership in terms of the effectiveness of the individual, Father Nouwen offers a counter definition that is witnessed by a communal and mutual experience. For Nouwen, leadership cannot function apart from the community. This beautiful guide to Christian leadership is the rich fruit of Henri Nouwen’s own journey.”

Why I loved it: If you can only read one book on Christian leadership book your whole life, read this one. I’ve read it several times now and it remains one of my favorites. Unassuming with it’s mere 100 pages or so, this thin book is packed with wisdom as Nouwen walks through the three desert temptations of Jesus and applies them to our lives as leaders with an accuracy that is both stunning and humbling.

 

 This Is The Story of a Happy Marriage by Ann Patchett

Genre: Memoir

About the book: “This Is the Story of a Happy Marriage takes us into the very real world of Ann Patchett’s life. Stretching from her childhood to the present day, from a disastrous early marriage to a later happy one, it covers a multitude of topics, including relationships with family and friends, and charts the hard work and joy of writing, and the unexpected thrill of opening a bookstore.”

Why I loved it: This is not a book about marriage. Just wanted to clear that up. It’s just great writing, interesting angles, and stories from Ann’s life. While she does have a few essays about marriage, the writing also covers her writing career, the convocation speech she gave at Clemson with parent protestors outside the door, and the summer she tried out (auditioned? interviewed?) for the LAPD.

I appreciated the essay style of this book – each one standing apart from the others while, at the same time, related in that they are all part of Ann Patchett’s life.

 

Jayber Crow by Wendell Berry

Genre: Fiction

About the book: “Orphaned at age ten, Jayber Crow’s acquaintance with loneliness and want have made him a patient observer of the human animal, in both its goodness and frailty. He began his search as a pre-ministerial student at Pigeonville College. There, freedom met with new burdens and a young man needed more than a mirror to find himself.”

Why I loved it: In keeping with my continued quest to learn all I can about smallness, the lure of success, and the often despised way of downward mobility, this book was a must read. It took me a while to finish – I’m slow and it’s a thick book. But this one has burrowed it’s way into my soul and informed my life more than any other fiction book I’ve read in years. Hannah Coulter is next on my list.

 

At Home in the World by Tsh Oxenreider

Genre: Memoir

About the book: “The Oxenreiders traverse bumpy roads, stand in awe before a waterfall that feels like the edge of the earth, and chase each other through three-foot-wide passageways in Venice. And all the while Tsh grapples with the concept of home, as she learns what it means to be lost—yet at home—in the world.”

Why I loved it: Tsh is a real-life friend who I simply adore, but that is not why her book is on my list of favorites. Instead, it’s because she’s the only person I know who can write about traveling the world with her family and make it sound not only normal, but cozy. Beautifully written, this one offers clarifying reminders of what it means to belong and be well no matter where we are.

 

The Attentive Life by Leighton Ford

Genre: Christian Living

About the book: “If you’re busy, distracted, rushing through each day, you might be feeling disconnected from God, unable to see how he’s working. But the way toward him starts with a pause and a prayer―with intention and attention―and becomes a way of life, awake and alive to the peaceful, powerful presence of God.”

Why I loved it: First, I loved this book because Leighton Ford is an unlikely contemplative. As Billy Graham’s brother-in-law, he worked in the spotlight of the evangelical world for many years. While his voice remains solidly protestant, his words sing well with those of the Trappist monks who influenced his own walk with God.

Second, I loved this book because as I read it, he felt like a kind companion for my spiritual journey. Many authors strive to strike that delicate note but few do it as well as Leighton Ford in this book.

 

Shrink by Tim Suttle

Genre: Christian Living

About the book: “The drive to be great—to be a success by the standards of the world—often crowds out the qualities of goodness, virtue, and faithfulness that should define the central focus of Christian leadership. Tim Suttle dares church leaders to risk failure by chasing the vision God has given them—no matter how small it might seem—instead of pursuing the broad path of pragmatism that leads to fame and numerical success.”

Why I loved it: If you’re sensing a theme among my favorite books of the year, you would be right. I winced a few times reading this book as Tim Suttle is not shy about pointing a strong, accusatory finger at the American mega church, citing an obsession with growth and a definition of “great” that runs antithetical to that of the Kingdom of God.

More than once I read sections of this book out loud to John accompanied with “I can’t believe he said that” followed quickly by “I’m so glad someone said that.”

So there you have it – my 10 favorite reads of the year.

Because  my graphic is friendly to 10 picks, I kept it at that. But here are a few honorable mentions I read this year as well:

***

As you make your own lists of books to read in the coming year, perhaps you’ll add a few of my favorites into the mix. To give you more to choose from, I’ll include my 10 favorite books from the past three years below.

I definitely have preferred genres if you haven’t already noticed: Memoir, Christian Living/Spiritual Growth, and Fiction with an occasional book on writing, creativity, and/or productivity thrown in as well.

If you would like to receive a monthly list of the books I’m reading, enter your name below and you’ll receive my most recent letter on the last day of every month.

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I’m all about helping you create space for your soul to breathe, starting with your inbox. Over 42,000 people trust me with their email address. I will never send spam or photos of bare feet. You have my word on this.

Happy reading!

 

 

 

Have Yourself A Quiet Little Christmas

I started my Advent reading on December 1st just as I had planned. I’ve read through day four but today is day nine and I’ve decided not to think of it as being behind.

I’m just leaving room for the story to sink in.

Every year December comes and, though it carries all the things we’ve come to expect, it also brings something new. Sometimes the newness is welcome – a new relationship, a new baby, a new job, a new house or trip or experience.

Other times the newness is more difficult – a new diagnosis, a new disappointment, a new fear or uncertainty or the first Christmas without him.

And so we wait together even as we move into all the news of December, both the kind announced in the headlines of the papers and the kind that hangs like a banner over our soul.

As I mentioned before, every year I read an Advent devotional – here are a few I recommend – and it’s become a sacred part of my December. But every year, without fail, I find myself at some point during the month feeling extra frazzled, distracted, and flustered despite my best intentions.

When I get this way, it’s difficult to sit and read, to focus my eyes on the page, to still my body long enough to settle in to the story of Jesus.

That’s why, for the past month, I closed myself in this room and wrote and prayed and read about the story of Jesus in order to create something for people like me.

As you may already know, audio has become a beloved format for me this year. It’s unique because, unlike reading or watching, you can listen while you’re engaged in something else – walking, cooking, driving, or closing your eyes. That last one is my favorite.

Because when it’s hard to read, closing my eyes and listening is a way to help calm the chaos around me. So I wanted to design something that you could count on for December so that if every other solitary intention flies out the window, all you have to do is pop in your earbuds on the way to the grocery store and be reminded of the story of Jesus.

Some things we do on the regular because we have to – make dinner, feed pets, pay the bills, go to work, take a shower. On bad days they are annoying and on good days maybe even a joy but one way or another, these become a liturgy, ways we observe and practice our own lives.

Other things we do special, just every now and then – the season finale party, a girls night for your birthday, movie night with the family, or the get together with neighbors and friends.

And there are still other things we do, or at least we are learning to do, because they feel like us. It’s not because you have to, it’s not because it’s a special occasion, and if you didn’t think of it or work on it or initiate it, it wouldn’t get done at all.

That’s what The Quiet Collection for Christmas is for me. I almost didn’t do it this year because I nearly ran out of time. I had a final paper to write for school, our daughter is playing travel volleyball for the first time, and John and I have had colds for what feels like ever.

But I couldn’t shake it, this excitement about creating another audio devotional offering, this one especially for Christmas. I couldn’t ignore the pull, the challenge, and the invitation to go deeper into the lives of Zechariah, Mary, and Jesus and to let their lives sink deeper into me.

Most of all, I couldn’t ignore that writing, recording, and editing these 3-5 minute reflections, I feel the most like myself. It feels weird to say it, I don’t fully understand it, and I certainly can’t explain it, but creating this for you feels right.

In the end, I made this for you but also for me. You can hear my voice is an octave deeper than normal because of my cold, I had to do extra editing to cut out the coughing, and more than once I had to stop recording to cry like a baby over the true good news of Jesus.

But now it’s finished and available and ready for you to listen if you’d like. The Quiet Collection for Christmas is open until Tuesday December 12, which will be the last day to sign up to receive it.

Whether or not you sign up to receive this collection, I hope more than anything that you’ll pay attention to the things that feel like you. If there is a pull, a challenge, or an invitation happening in you today, maybe this is the season to start to look it in the face and see what it has to say to you.

Dare to listen in the quiet for what makes you come alive. Rather than trying to fill the silence, let the silence fill you for a change.

I’m always here for it, to help you create space for your soul to breathe so that you can discern your next right thing in love. No matter what you’re carrying today, I hope you aren’t afraid to sift through your desire and your gifting and uncover the shape of your own soul.

Maybe this will help.

Let’s Share What We Learned This Fall

Welcome to What We Learned, where we pause to reflect on the past season before we move ahead into the future. At the end of this post, you’re invited to link up to your own list of what you learned this quarter – be it silly, serious, sacred, or just plain useful. I like to share a mix of all of those.

If you’re visiting for the first time from my podcast The Next Right Thing, welcome! We do this every quarter and will share our next list (What We Learned in Winter) on Wednesday February 28. Grab your free printable list here to help you keep track and plan to share with us then. Now you can also share your list on Instagram using #wwlcommunity.

Here are 10 things I learned this fall in no particular order.

1. Jennifer Garner is a delight on Instagram.

Some people you follow for inspiration. Others because they are your friend or you want to learn from them or their feed is just pretty.

 

But Jennifer Garner you follow because she is a DELIGHT. I’ve always liked her, but that doesn’t always translate into an interesting instagram account. Thank you Jamie B. Golden for being our social media boss and telling us to follow this fantastic human. Every single time she posts, I smile. Not like, in my heart kind of smile. I actually smile on my face.

 

2. In a world that seems drunk on power, this:

“The flourishing of the vulnerable depends on the vulnerability of the flourishing.”

— Andy Crouch, as quoted in Shrink by Tim Suttle

 

3. The role of faith in learning is real.

About half-way through my first semester of grad school, my professor Tim Keel encouraged our class not to become overwhelmed with all of our reading. “Don’t become anxious. Read by faith. Trust God will bring it back around when you need it.” It’s been years since I’ve been a student, so those words were a lifeline for me in that moment.

 

4. I am a weirdo who loves cloudy, foggy days.

I belive I would do well in London. When I wake up and the cul-de-sac is covered with a  thick blanket of fog, I can physically feel myself relax on the inside. And if the sun starts to burn it off later in the morning, I physically feel disappointed. It’s so strange. It’s happened all my life, but it wasn’t until this fall that I realized it and named it.

 

5. Dropbox is saving my life.

I save all of my files in Dropbox now and it is a game changer. Amy Porterfield taught me how to be organized in Dropbox in an online class I took of hers (it’s not rocket science but evidently I needed someone to teach me these things).

I didn’t realize how much low-grade anxiety was coming from my lack of file organization. But now look! All my podcast episodes lined up pretty.

 

6. Just because you’re good at something doesn’t mean you have to do it forever.

You guys. I said that in Episode 13: Quit Something. And you lost your minds. Not really, but when I put this image on instagram, here’s what happened:

In the years I’ve been on Instagram, this image got the most response, two-fold that of my second most responded to image. That’s something to pay attention to.

I’m sure there are various reasons, depending on who you are, why this statement resonated. But one reason could be that we live in a world that celebrates starting, producing, winning, and follow-through but there are precious few times where we are encouraged to stop, to quit, or to reconsider an endeavor. Being good at something does not obligate us to commit to it forever or at all. You can listen to the 17 minute episode right here: Quit Something.

 

7. When making decisions for your home, sometimes waiting is a decision.

For years I’ve known I wanted to do something different in our 1960s bathroom but I just didn’t know what I wanted to do. So I waited. And waited. And it was a low priority. A year or nine went by and this year, I’m finally realizing what I really like.

There are about forty tile options I love (just search “black and white” tile on the Google). This one is called Kenzzi Paloma 8×8 Premium Porcelain. And because you might ask, the shoes are Pons by Avarcas USA in Taupe.

P.S. This image is my second most liked ever on Instagram so you know, that says something about us, too. Ha!

8. Chili with cinnamon rolls is a thing.

I spent a week in Wichita, Kansas for my residency and at the retreat center they served chili with cinnamon rolls. Like, as part of the dinner, not as the dessert.

I thought it was so strange that I put it in an Instagram story (of course I did) and heard from so many people who grew up on this. And not just Kansas! I heard from Iowa, Missouri, Colorado, and Nebraska, too. They even served this combo in school cafeterias! Wow.

 

9. Jonathan Edwards was Aaron Burr’s grandfather.

I am sure everyone else knew this but I did not! And now that line in Wait for It make’s sense: “My grandfather was a fire and brimstone preacher (preach-a, preach-a, preach-a) . . . ” Thank you, Hamilton soundtrack, for teaching me so much about Aaron Burr, sir.

10. Krispy Kreme gives a free donut for every report card A.

Never mind that donuts aren’t that expensive. This is so fun and I did not know this all this time! It almost makes me forgive them for their gross misuse of the letter K.

***

I keep track of what I’m learning by using my seasonal reflection lists. You can get your own printable lists for tracking your reflections by signing up right here. If you’re new around here and want to know what, how, and tools to track what you’re learning, check out A New Page for Your Bullet Journal.

Some linking tips: 

  • Just use your name for the “link title” – it’s simpler
  • Be sure to link back here on  your post so your readers can join in!