A Prayer for the Wonderless

Christmas is near and we are still waiting.

We carry within us a tension, pulling between our longing to sit still in quiet darkness and the temptation to rush ahead to the celebration.

But many of us secretly, silently, don’t feel like celebrating.

While some clap along to Joy to the World, we have to leave the room.

Some wear necklaces with colorful lights that really blink, and we smile but we don’t see the point.

We aren’t judging those people who are happy and twinkly. We simply can’t relate right now.

We feel a twinge of shame that we can’t fully join in.

Instead of entering into this new mystery, we try to search for that sense of familiar wonder again.

Where has it gone? What is wrong with us?

But perhaps this year, You aren’t birthing wonder in us. What then, Lord?

We confess all the ways we are trying to tell You how to reign. Open us up to how You might want to be born in us anew today.

You came to establish Your kingdom and here we are trying to build our own. But all our bricks are crumbling to dust and we desperately need Your hand.

The thing is, for many of us this Advent season has ushered in some unexpected challenges, heartbreaks, and disappointments. We are experiencing a restlessness we didn’t expect.

But isn’t that how You came? In ways we didn’t expect?

You arrived upside down just like we did.

You came helpless just like we are.

You grew inside the body of Mary. How might you want to grow within us?

Hollow out in us a space for new life.

Be with us as we wait for seeds to grow that are still buried in darkness.

Though we may tap our foot, check our phone, and have to be pulled back, again and again, still we wait with holy anticipation.

We will keep staring into the night, waiting for light to dispel the darkness, waiting for Peace to come to the world, both the one that wars around us and the one that pulls within us.

By faith we trust in Your timing.

By faith we believe in Your promise.

By faith we wait for You, Lord Jesus, to be born in us today.

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