Dear Pediatrician,

I know you do very important work like saving the lives of children and stuff like that. I also know that you are very smart because you went to school for 25 years or something. Waiting at a doctor’s office is a necessary evil. I know this, too. I do.

What I do not understand is why you insist on calling me back into the exam room (that measures exactly 8 square feet) when you know it will be another hour before the doctor will see my child. It is mean. It gets my hopes up, and then causes me to spend an hour keeping my less-than-2-year-old son off chairs that have wheels and dirty throw-up floors. I would rather wait in the spacious waiting room. At least there are more toys out there. And better magazines.

I also do not understand why you keep the urine sample cups in the bottom drawers of said exam rooms. My son thinks they are Tupperware. He stacks them. And licks them. I know they are clean, but this is not ok with me. I try to keep him out of these drawers, but it is difficult to keep him occupied for an hour short of letting him throw tongue depressors in the garbage. Which we have done. And I am sorry.

I do want to thank you, however, for having the “Note to Parents” posted on the back of the door. It keeps me up on my anagram skills. (Parents: part, rent, sent, ten, net, star, trap, nest, rant…) I think I’m up to 25 words. At least that’s all I can figure without writing them down.

Anyway, I don’t want to be part of the problem, I’d rather be part of the solution. That’s why I propose it be made illegal to force parents with children under 5 to wait at the doctors office.

Thank you and have a nice day.