Our Simply Tuesday Small Group Conversation Guide is finally ready! Learn how to get free access below.
Do you ever feel like you’re doing friendship wrong? You look around and see how everyone seems to have the hang of it, but maybe you’re missing something?
Growing up people said I made friends easily. A teacher once told my parents that I made friends with other girls by complimenting them. Of course I did.
Having friends was important to me and telling people good things about themselves seemed like the fastest way to it. But that was back when the word friend meant someone you’re comfortable sitting with at lunch or someone who will walk with you to the bathroom.
All that counts when you’re in seventh grade. But now that I’m grown, friend means something more. Meeting people is easy for me and making good impressions is, too. But now I want what I like to call Tuesday people in my life – regular, everyday friends, not people I work to impress.
Sometime last year, our pastor announced that a prayer team had started to meet together every Thursday morning and if we had any requests, they would pray faithfully. When he said it, tears filled my eyes. Because I think it’s important to pay attention to what makes me cry, I considered why that moment was emotional for me.
My answer came swiftly: the idea of having a few huddle together who are willing to carry my requests to God poked something awake in me, something I longed for.
After the benediction, I made my way to the back of the church and wrote out a simple request on a small white sheet, confessing my longing to find my people in this church, awkwardly asking for prayer in a few areas of my life. I folded it twice and tucked it not the thin slit on the top of the box, all the time wondering if I got cancer or something happened to one of our kids, would I have people?
Have I cultivated relationships over these years enough to warrant support from others in times of crisis? Or even in times of regular?
A week later on Thursday, I got a text from Wendy, a new friend on the prayer team. These were her words: “You do have people — we love you and prayed for you today. Thanks for letting us come with you and keep us posted– we will be so happy to be praying with and for you!”
Her words were simple but also healing, because they reminded me that finding my Tuesday people doesn’t have to involve a massive effort or an intricate, long-term plan. It also reminded me that while I’m often hesitant to reach out, my doing so is like giving a gift to others — the gift of trust, the gift of honesty, the gift of myself.
John and I have never been part of groups that vacation every summer together, take annual family camping trips, or go out as couples every other weekend. Sometimes I have these moments of relational panic where I see other families who seem so tightly knit that their kids are growing up together nearly like siblings. Are we missing out? Are we doing this friendship thing wrong?
We have dear friends and we love them, but it doesn’t look like the movies.
It looks like long stretches of months before we see them again for dinner.
It looks like grabbing a coffee while the kids are in school.
It looks like slipping a prayer request in the wooden box in the back of the church.
I suppose we will have insecurities no matter where our feet take us. But we are continuing to walk to new places even though sometimes we find things we don’t like.
Friends may not always provide us the security we long for. Sometimes they simply offer us a safe place to feel insecure.
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Maybe you are in a place of wondering about your own Tuesday people – do you have some? Do you want some? Have you had them in the past but are in a lonely place now? Here is something I hope will help. I created a Small Group Conversation Guide to go along with my newest book, Simply Tuesday.
The book officially releases in the US one week from today but some stores have already stocked it on the shelves! If you purchase the book between now and August 28 (either in store or online) you can download the guide for free.
I hope it will be a tool to help you gather with your people this fall and have conversations that matter.
UPDATE 9/2: The Conversation Guide is now available for free with the purchase of two or more copies of Simply Tuesday from our partners at Givington’s.
Bekah says
August 11, 2015 at 5:06 PMWhoa, Emily, I didn’t know anyone else, especially someone ‘like you,’ felt the same way I did in this area. I feel like I must have been a terrible friend because I don’t vacation/work out/drink wine/constantly intersect with the people I do carry with such love. Do they even know how much I care? If so, it’s not because our friendship looks like the Instagrammed ones I covet. It’s more haphazard. This post made MY eyes fill with tears, so thank you.
Stacy smith-fulia says
August 16, 2015 at 7:12 PMI agree! Me too! We are not alone!
Kim says
August 11, 2015 at 5:45 PMI’ve actually had those close friendships where we vacation together, etc., and then last summer we moved six hours away. 🙁 We live away from the states my husband and I grew up in and now we live away from the state where we lived for eight years cultivating those sweet friendships. It’s hard to start over! Sometimes I just want to huddle up in the corner and read books by myself instead of putting myself out there, but that won’t help. I’m in the delicate early stages of building friendships here and not sure which ones will be keepers and which ones will fall away. There’s been progress but it’s one step forward and two steps back. I need my Tuesday people, the ones who can meet me for coffee with very little notice, or go shopping with me just to keep me company. I miss that.
Kim Murden says
August 11, 2015 at 5:51 PMThis resonated for me from the first paragraph onwards. I’ve been people watching and noticing how so many people seem to do friendship better than me; with such flair and such style. I’d also began to feel that I should consider asking some friends to stand with me in prayer whilst I go through some stuff that doesn’t feel safe to be doing alone: coming off antidepressants, writing a book about depression, going through something of a faith shift, changes in our family and finances. I think the piece will help me work through this more intentionally. I love coming to this blog, thanks Emily x
Kristin S says
August 11, 2015 at 6:29 PMWhat makes me cry? Reading that text from Wendy. It makes me want to hop in my car Sunday morning and drive to Greensboro. I’m weary of not being connected with people at church.
Ginny says
August 11, 2015 at 10:17 PMThese were the thoughts on my mind today. I’m in a new season of life and find myself longing for those kinds of “Tuesday friends”. Looking forward to the book and praying for the right friendships. As always your words come at just the right time. Thank you!
Ellen says
August 12, 2015 at 12:15 AMI struggle with this a lot – I don’t usually feel like I’m doing friendship right. But it was oddly healing to read that you feel this way too… I was listening to your old Christmas podcast with Tsh and Myquillin while I painted a room last Thursday and I was thinking that you all sounded like people who did friendship so easily. It’s somehow nice to know that we all have to sort out how and who and when sometimes.
Lisa Hurley says
August 12, 2015 at 1:46 PMThis is great, Emily. Sometimes I feel like I’m not doing friendship right because I don’t have a big group of girlfriends who go dancing in the city and take an annual trip to Las Vegas. I’m more of a one-on-one, quiet coffee house kind of friend, but for some reason I feel like that makes me less cool. Thanks for the reminder that there are many of us out there doing friendship in the way that’s most fulfilling for us. Every time I read your blog my soul finds some form of validation and a little more space to breathe. Thanks for that.
Anonymous says
August 12, 2015 at 8:41 PMGood words, Emily.
Just a question here…if I purchased the book already (as in last week) am I still able to receive the conversation guide? or would I need to purchase a second copy?
emily freeman says
August 13, 2015 at 9:25 AMYes – just enter in your purchase info and you’ll be good!
Karen says
August 13, 2015 at 11:06 AMI resonate with the kind of friends you are talking about and also wondering if I’m doing friendship wrong…I had best friends growing up and close friends as my kids were growing up. Now that we’re empty nesters, our friendships have really changed. I don’t have that Lucy/Ethel friendship I see other women have. Sometimes I wonder if there’s something wrong with me. But, I’m learning to savor each friend for what she means to me and what we each bring to that friendship. Some are geographically far away and I have to work harder to keep the connection. I have older friends who encourage me along the way and I have young friends who energize and inspire me. Thanks for a thoughtful post on friends and a reminder to keep the faith…
Paris Renae says
August 13, 2015 at 12:26 PMEmily – how awesome – we aren’t weird after all 🙂 We too don’t have all those ‘movie’ relationships. We always wonder what’s wrong with us. We do have dear friends, we are dear to them – we do have family, they are dear to us – but we don’t live every other weekend with any of them and it’s so good to know that it is NORMAL – whatever that is 🙂 Thanks for always sharing – you are the younger version of me I think!
Jenn says
August 13, 2015 at 9:32 PMthank you for your beautiful and honest words. I loved this post.