emily p. freeman

Creating space for your soul to breathe so you can discern your next right thing.

8 Things I Learned This Fall

“It’s not the experience that brings transformation, it’s our reflection upon our experience.”

Jan Johnson

For years I’ve been engaging in a practice of looking back before moving ahead. It started as a a post I shared at the end of every month and then transitioned to every season. We are doing our best around here, setting the intention to engage in reflection while also realizing we are all, in a way, relearning how to be people in the midst of countless transitions, questions, and reconsiderations.

This is the place once per quarter where I share my in-process considerations, not necessarily fully worked out narratives. You’re invited in on the journey. I reserve the right to change my mind.

Here are 8 things I’m learning in no particular order (some links used are affiliate links):

1. Eating out is a luxury and a gift.

It actually always has been a luxury and a gift, but this pandemic has taught me just how much. I used to take for granted the fact that we could forgo our at-home dinner plans and grab something out. Now, eating out is a rarity (Are they open? Do they have outdoor seating? Do they only do carry out?)

One of our favorite local places has outdoor seating and we took full advantage a couple of times this fall. A gift, every minute.

2. We need leaders who have a well-developed emotional intelligence.

A year ago I would have told you I am a fairly grounded person – integrated mind, body, spirit. But I’m here to tell you after this year I have a lot to learn about being at home in my body, about respecting my own intuition and emotional intelligence.

Take decision-making, for example. If we have a decision to make, most would encourage us to make a list, weigh pros and cons, find clarity of thought. When people make decisions they regret, we often say they “weren’t thinking straight” or “acted emotionally” — all negative connotations.

What about relational intelligence? Emotional maturity? Intuitive decision-making? Imagination and sensing?

Thinking is one form of intelligence, but it isn’t the only form. It’s good and needed but it also isn’t isolated. We need the heart and the body, too.

I’m not just making this up: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and with all your mind.” Matthew 22:37

It doesn’t say Love the Lord your God with all your thinking.

There is a kind of intelligence that moves beyond books, beyond test scores, beneath impressive resumes. Emotional intelligence is often overlooked or discounted (see: how we disqualify it by calling it “emotional” intelligence. As if regular intelligence doesn’t automatically include emotion.)

3. We belong to another King and another Kingdom.

With the US Presidential election now behind us, I’ve done a fair amount of reflecting about power, control, justice, and our longing to belong. Maybe you’ve done this, too.

I keep coming back to Kingdom language, and not in a condescending, dismissive kind of way we can sometimes see on the Internet ie: God is on the throne! (Yes, God is on the throne but God wasn’t on the ballot. We had to make a choice.)

More, I’m considering all the ways throughout history that people have wanted the benefits of the Kingdom (belonging, security, value, shalom) without the presence of the King.

4. Honor > Shame.

An obvious statement, it would seem. But one I have to keep learning. This has been a season of a lot of sadness for me personally. I’ve been tempted to carry some shame about that but I keep coming back to the true reality that no one has ever been shamed into freedom.

I’m doing my own work to honor the space I need for reflection, prayer, and healing. If you’re carrying sadness this season, I hope you’ll learn to do the same. I’m practicing this posture of honoring God by honoring the way God has made me to be in the world.

This is not easy, but it feels right.

5. We really needed the Pearsons this Fall.

This Is Us is one of a very few shows our whole family watches together and you guys. We’ve never needed Jack, Rebecca, and The Big Three like we did this season. (Not to mention everyone’s favorite Beth and Randall.)

6. Our five senses have a lot to teach us.

In September I hosted a five week series on our five senses on The Next Right Thing Podcast and loved every minute of it. What a rich experience it was for me to pay attention to details that often go overlooked! If you missed it, here are all 5 episodes in one place:

7. Growth happens outside your comfort zone.

This is not original to me, but it’s a phrase I keep repeating to myself this year. You might be nodding your head along with me, then I must be growing a LOT! When was the last time I was in my comfort zone?! I’ve been growing. And also grieving. You too?

8. Nail polish is for grown ups.

I’ve confessed before that I only wear black and white polish – usually white in summer, black in winter. The end. But during these quarantine times, I jumped on the Olive & June bandwagon just for kicks and found I enjoy the weekend routine of nail care. Who am I?! For me, the polish is great but I’m obsessed with the tools. Here’s a link to try them out! (That’s an affiliate link so I can get a free polish if you use it thank you for your service.)

This is what I know: Though the days of the old school blog link up are past, I still love having a community of people who value the art of reflection. Starting in January we’ll have a journal to use together (!!) but for now, I’d love to hear what you’re learning in the comments below or on Instagram using #wwlcommunity. I’m always glad you’re here.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Wonderful and relatable list, Emily. Thank you. Regarding #3, you might appreciate listening (if you don’t already) to Mark Sayers’ podcast, (Rebuilders) and / or Mark Sayers and John Mark Comer’s podcast “This Cultural Moment”. Both excellent, and Mark has certainly referred to this Post-Christian secular culture we find ourselves in as ‘wanting the kingdom benefits without the King’. It seems to be true.

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  2. I am learning to lean in, lean on and listen to the Holy Spirit. I am allowing myself (sometimes forcing) myself to find stillness, so that the Spirit can speak to me, and my hope is that I hear and listen. I am learning to release my grip, to stop clinging, to stop grasping . I am learning to let God hold me and trusting He won’t let go. I am learning patience and perspective. Perspective that my story is written, the battle is over, and the victory is His. Patience to stop “doing”, stop “fixing” and follow His call , as my story that He has written, unfolds before me.

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    • Jodi – Thank you for these words. I rarely read down to the comments on posts, but I’m so glad I did today. Your words made me cry. And as Emily teaches, I’m learning to pay attention 🙂

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  3. I was recently diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. Yesterday I had minor surgery. I realized how happy I was in the middle of this. I knew people were praying. Every nurse and doctor i came in contact with was a blessing. I was blessed no matter the circumstances. Thank you God. That joy can only come from you.

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  4. I’m learning…

    – It’s each breath, each moment, in and out and in Him, I will make it
    – it’s never fruitful to wish for more hours in the day
    – You can never get enough hugs — especially during a pandemic
    – ‘Make new friends, but keep the old,’ one is {gold} and the other too
    – Listening/taking in the word of God really does change you
    – He is ‘Emmanuel, God with us’ and that has never meant more
    – To love God is to love people.
    – Naps are a holy thing 🙂

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  5. “I’m doing my own work to honor the space I need for reflection, prayer, and healing. If you’re carrying sadness this season, I hope you’ll learn to do the same. I’m practicing this posture of honoring God by honoring the way God has made me to be in the world.” This resonated with me. Are you saying we should accept that this sadness is how God created us and therefore we should accept it, work with it, be with it, rather than fighting it as I so often do? I’m so weary of being sad when I have so much that is rich in my life. It feels so counter-intuitive to be this sad with the great life I have.

    Thank you for your work. I enjoy reading reflections and getting a glimpse into your mind and heart.

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    • The only way to move forward is through. Denying the sadness only causes it to linger. Welcome it, notice it, invite God into it with you (God is already there, but this helps me to acknowledge). I don’t know if I would say “sadness is how God created us” but we are made with a full range of emotional capacity and no emotion is bad.

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      • Emily, this comment deeply moved me, as all your words do. I’m struggling with guilt over the grief and sadness I’m experiencing in the hardest season of my life even as I recognize God’s abundant goodness and faithfulness. Thank you, so much, as always for sharing your heart and wisdom with us. You have such a beautiful and gentle way of phrasing thoughts and re-framing circumstances.

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  6. Thank You Emily! Your post spoke to my heart ♥️ and has left me with encouragement for December. To keep my focus on Matthew 27:37 will help keep my focus off what’s different, knowing all things will be worked out for His good. December is a beautiful month where I live! Jean

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  7. Emily, thank you for paving the road to reflection and wholeness….you my friend are a jewel and an oasis of serine sanity in this mad maddening world of screams and shouts!

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  8. I just want to thank you for your honesty and the beauty of your words. I have loved every book that you have ever written and the sound of your soothing voice has been the calm to my storm during my daily commute this year (I started from the beginning and have listened to every episode). This year has been my year of discontent but I’m learning that discontent is ok if we allow it to prompt us to change. May God continue to richly bless you and allow you to use your words to inspire and uplift in the coming years. Waiting for my journal in January!! <3

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  9. “I’m doing my own work to honor the space I need for reflection, prayer, and healing.” This right here resonated with me so much in your post. You put into words exactly how I am feeling. I find that some friends don’t understand this and press for answers when really I just want space and distance because that is what is actually giving me the clarity I need to see and move forward.

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  10. I believe this is my favorite of all your posts this year! Thank you so much, and Merry Christmas and don’t we all know 2021 will be better?!

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  11. I’m learning to be more content at home – mainly because I have to. I miss people but I’m also a little afraid that when all of this is over, I will have become more accustomed to being alone at home and not want to leave.

    Reply

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