emily p. freeman

Creating space for your soul to breathe so you can discern your next right thing.

10 Things I Learned This Summer

“It’s not the experience that brings transformation, it’s our reflection upon our experience.”

Jan Johnson

For years I’ve been engaging in a practice of looking back before moving ahead. It started as a a post I shared at the end of every month and then transitioned to every season.

In the spirit of simplifying my online life, one change I’m making to this quarterly rhythm is I’m no longer going to be including the link up at the bottom of these posts.

I know there is a small community of you who still love to link your posts up and I have plans to find a more collaborative way for us to share what we’re learning in the months to come.

But in this time of transition, I still invite you to keep track of what you’re learning and share it in your own spaces as I trust you have done and will continue to do.

We are doing our best around here, setting the intention to engage inn reflection while also realizing we are all, in a way, relearning how to be people in the midst of countless transitions, questions, and reconsiderations.

Here are 10 things I’m learning in no particular order:

1. Guacamole is a magical food.

It’s just avacado, tomato, red onion, cilantro, kosher salt, pepper, and lime juice. Why then, pray-tell, when you put them all together do they create a combination of perfection? And why did it take me so long to start making it at home? We will never be the same again ever.

2. Mitchelville, SC housed the first self-governing community of freed slaves during the Civil War.

Months before Abraham Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation, this small area of Hilton Head Island was home to formerly enslaved people who created a thriving community together. They did so well that Harriet Tubman herself traveled there to learn how they might be able to duplicate these efforts in other communities.

According to this BBC article, “They were able to buy land, vote, farm for wages, and grow sweet potatoes and greens which provided vital supplements to their diets.There were elected officials, taxes, street cleaners, stores selling household goods, and crucially, compulsory education for children aged six to fifteen – the first law of its kind in South Carolina.”

This history is remarkable all by itself but even more? We’ve been visiting Hilton Head Island for over twenty years and I never knew this part of history.

My days of not knowing Black history are past and so while we were on the island in July, John and I drove up to learn what we could about these resilient people and their lives in Mitchelville on Hilton Head more than 150 years ago.

3. Not being racist is not the same as being anti-racist.

It’s been said a lot over the past three months, but there is a difference between being not racist and being anti-racist.

With gratitude to Dr. Lucretia Berry and her team at Brownicity, John and I are learning what that means specifically; for us, our family, and the way we move through the world. Black lives, families, hopes, history, and futures matter.

4. My first book got a new cover!

This isn’t so much something I learned as it is something that happened.

But two things I did learn is (1) when they recover an already existing book, you have to go through the cover process all over again. Which is kind of fun and also weird because you wrote that book 10 years ago. And (2) when you recover an existing book, all of the online retailers get extremely confused and the new cover version is hard to find.

But alas! Here she is.

5. “Supposed to be” no longer has any meaning.

“I was supposed to be in London right now . . . “

“We were supposed to be at a family reunion this weekend . . . ”

“School was supposed to start last week . . . “

If there’s one thing I’ve learned in 2020 it’s that control is in fact exactly what they have always said: an illusion. To control, coerce, and manipulate is not our job (and if it was we’d be fired from it anyway.) Instead, we adapt, accept, acknowledge what we need to let go, and continue to do the next right thing.

6. The kingdom of God is most evident to me in the sacred overlap.

It’s that middle space where two separate circles come together. It’s the part they have in common, the middling part. J.R. Briggs wrote a book called The Sacred Overlap (I endorsed and recommend it!) and I found his words to be a ray of light in the midst of the heaviest fog.

When we’re afraid, either/or becomes our default mode as we seek to assuage the pain of uncertainty. Love is where we live between the extremes, not in the mushy middle.

J.R. Briggs, The Sacred Overlap

7. Things can change quickly.

In late March, I remember saying out loud to someone “I wonder if years from now we will be shopping for cute masks at real places like Anthropologie!”

That idea seemed so foreign and far away. And then April came. Normal can change to super weird fast. But that means it can also change again.

Things will not always be the way they are now. From pandemics that pass (history says so) to kindergartners who grow (history tells us this too) we are ever changing, growing, and learning.

8. When in doubt, love.

In the midst of the rioting, the anger, the injustice, and confusion of this summer, I read this post by my friend Kaitlin – and it reminded me of the power of love.

In the midst of my daily parenting, inability to answer my kids hard questions, and regular mess ups – I’m reminded of the power of love.

In the midst of not knowing what the next literal minute will hold and not knowing if we’re doing this whole thing right – I’m reminded of the power, the call, the invitation to love.

Power offers an easy substitute for the hard task of love. It seems easier to be God than to love God, easier to control people than to love people, easier to own life than to love life.

Henri Nouwen, In the Name of Jesus

9. Trader Joes chocolate croissants are the easiest way to have a fancy breakfast.

How to make them:

  1. Buy them in a pack of four in the frozen section at Trader Joes.
  2. Set them on a baking sheet the night before.
  3. Go to bed.
  4. Wake up.
  5. Marvel at how big they got overnight.
  6. Put them in the oven.
  7. Take them out and impress your family.

10. Struggle reveals what is true.

He is the best man I know. During this time of quarantine, personal heartbreak, loss among those in our close community, and the struggles of daily life, John continues to be the one. I like him and I love him. He sees me and I’m grateful. I didn’t learn this for the first time this summer, but I’ve learned it in a new way.

This is what I know: Though the days of the old school blog link up are past, I still love having a community of people who value the art of reflection. I’m working on ways to make this practice a more communal one in the coming months, but for now, I’d love to hear what you’re learning in the comments below or on Instagram using #wwlcommunity. I’m always glad you’re here.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. The Jan Johnson quote has resonated for me all summer. Events and experiences have come at us all like a firehose, and I am choosing to sift and slow the pace by trying to reflect on the most important ones.

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  3. Thank you for acknowledging the pandemic, and acknowledging Black lives, families, stories, history, futures matter. Still, always.
    I’m surprised how many bloggers have gone right back to business as usual.
    But these two things are with us, still, and have shape shifted our days. It still weighs heavy, it’s still affecting my daily life, and I am so grateful for your guidance navigating it. Thank you Emily.

    Reply

    • This has been a challenge for me, too. I haven’t felt the “easiness“ of social media since the new protests began, and I’ve just not found words that seemed relevant during a season of focus on Black lives and the Black experience. I’m deep in the reading and learning and reevaluating phase, and that’s kept me from visiting many online places that are not doing the same.

      Reply

  4. I learned in August a few things. One, I really love shade trees. Two, I save money if I have iced coffee concentrate in the ready at home. Three, just because I see the loss of something and feel it deeply does not mean it was the wrong choice to say no to it. Example: we decided to homeschool our boys this year and driving past what would have been their school brings grief. It is definitely the right choice to homeschool, and just because the loss of formal school is hard, doesn’t mean I have to tailspin and question it all. I am learning to sit with sadness, even in the right choice.

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    • Wow! This hit me. I’m a registered, diehard tail spinner, always willing to rethink every decision. I like to think there’s always a better way to handle difficult decisions, and it’s my job to find it. I never believed it was ok to accept the pain of whatever choice I made and move on.

      Reply

  5. Hi Emily & John! Greetings from Saginaw, Michigan where we begin our first day of school today (Kindergarten, 3rd and 5th) remotely for the next month, or perhaps longer, we shall see). Reading your list of what you learned in August has been a good part of my day today:)
    Love,
    Joylynn Rasmussen

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  6. Thank you Emily for always helping me to stay in tune not only with Jesus but my self as well. It’s not good enough to walk with Him on a daily basis, but we must grow with Him or become stagnant, you have given me such a desire to do this every day and then to reflect on it as we look back monthly, quarterly and yearly. Keep on doing what you do so well…encouraging women to grow in Christ!

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  7. I have a habit of watching the news constantly. Recently it has become so overwhelming and I have learned that I feel better when I turn it off for a couple of days. Something I have also learned is that Mother Teresa said, “If you want to change the world, go home and love your family.” This resonates so much for me. Thank you Emily for everything you put out there.

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  8. We have Trader Joe’s chocolate croissants every Christmas morning. They are sooooo close to what we’ve had in Belgian that for an instant, after a few bites, we’re transported. Even though we’re an ocean away from my husband’s family most Christmas mornings, we feel kind of like we’re sharing a breakfast with them across space and time.

    And your trip to Mitchelville, South Carolina, reminded me of a museum I visited not far from Hilton Head: The Penn Center. http://www.penncenter.com/ It’s on St. Helena Island. You might enjoy slipping down to tour it on next year’s Hilton Head vacation.

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  9. What I’ve learned this month and this Summer
    1. To set healthy expectations before hand
    2. When we repent we get refreshed Acts 3:19
    3. God knows all my days ahead to be in my future
    4. I am the wife to Jesus first before my husband
    5. My love language quality time and physical touch
    6. I realized I’m thankful for all I have God gave me
    7. I know who I am called qualified made by God
    8. Bad things happen to me are for my own good
    9. I release all of my hurt to God entrust all to Him
    10. I am encouraged by the Holy Spirit Acts 9:31

    Reply

  10. Guacamole really is a magical food. I have my own recipe too and I’ll probably try yours! I’m a sucker for anything I can dip my (sadly addicting) tortilla chips in. Thank you!

    Reply

    • Have you ever tried jicama?! guilt free sub for dipping that still crunches 😉 You can even season with a little lime and red pepper if you’d like

      Reply

  12. Add a small ultra-diced jalapeno to that guacamole and it takes it to a whole nother level.

    I have been wanting to head out to Trader Joe’s to get some fallish goodies, so I am definitely adding the chocolate croissants to the list.

    I live here in SC and I had NO IDEA about Mitchelville. Can’t wait to go research and fall down that rabbit hole.

    I’ve learned that as a non-morning person, I need momentum in my morning routine to wake me up…not more stillness.
    I’ve learned that making a pretty breakfast for my fam for homeschooling days is like running a B and B, and it suits me. Again, momentum.
    I’ve learned that fresh playlists are essential for my mood, productivity, and exploring my feelings.
    I’ve learned that I need to save watching shows for the weekends instead of weeknights. It’s a small loss, but a big gain.
    I’ve returned to afternoon naps. I’ll never outgrow it.
    I’ve learned that owning a golf cart is essential and taking said golf cart on nightly neighborhood rides is essential to joy, community, and rest.

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  13. Several Christmas’s ago, my sister-in-law sent us frozen chocolate croissants! They are now a Christmas tradition. Happy to know they are available at Trader Joe’s in case we need a little Christmas before then.

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  14. I’m newer and love reflecting back over the month, quarter! Really gets me thinking and in my best mindset for the next day/month.
    Thank you!!

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  15. A tip for the Trader Joe’s croissants I read somewhere is to cut them in half after they have thawed for a bit. Then, you have 8 smaller croissants instead of 4 big ones. I’ve made them that way ever since.

    Also for guacamole~ I learned this from a native Texan ~ mash the guacamole and just add garlic salt and lime. It’s delicious that way and super simple.

    Thank you, Emily for guiding us so lovingly through these heavy days.

    Reply

  17. I’m reading Be The Bridge with my 29 year-old daughter who lives in Birmingham, AL. I’m learning so much from the book, what a great writer! We read a few chapters and then talk about it on the phone. I’m also learning that almost 30 year-old daughters are pretty cool and that it is possible to have meaningful and civil conversations with people who have differing viewpoints.

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  18. I am learning how to have a relationship with myself. Part of self-reflection is “showing up to myself,” but I am learning that there are other ways I can show up to myself as well. It helps me feel seen even during this time of social distancing and isolation.

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  19. Reading this was a little like having a Trader Joe’s chocolate croissant. “We are doing our best around here, setting the intention to engage in reflection while also realizing we are all, in a way, relearning how to be people in the midst of countless transitions, questions, and reconsiderations.”

    Reply

  20. Emily, I’m so thankful for this reminder to pause and reflect. This practice is really deepening my walk, and forcing myself to write it out solidifies it all in my mind. This summer, my lessons have mostly revolved around learning to live with a little less grit and a lot more grace. I feel a little weird dropping a link, but for the sake of community, here it is: https://www.staceypardoe.com/2020/08/28/how-to-live-with-more-grace-and-less-grit/ . . . Thanks for the reminder to pause and remember.

    Reply

    • I always love reading these! Thanks for taking the time to reflect and write.

      And, yes, guacamole is magical! Combining all of those ingredients indeed create food perfection! 😋

      Also, here’s what I learned this summer in a blog post! “Later July and August 2020 Reflections” http://www.wordsbypaige.com – blog section

      Reply

  21. You’ve inspired me to add this seasonal reflection in my own spiritual practice routines. The “Great Pause” has had so many silver linings along with the hard stuff. Thank you for being such a wonderful role model for claiming faith and grace in the midst of a real—and sometimes messy_life.

    Reply

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