Why I’m Saying No More Often

Two years ago, my September through December schedule was so packed that I wondered if it was actually beginning to change my personality.

on saying no

While I was fulfilling my obligations and meeting deadlines in my work, I was experiencing a lack of energy to meet new people and felt less inclined to move toward longtime friends.

In short, I was exhausted.

John and I walked into that busy season with our eyes wide open. We knew we were intentionally saying yes to more things than usual, but we thought perhaps we could handle it.

That was in the middle of John’s year off, after he quit his job at the church and before we knew what was next. He was home full-time, and I had a lot going on with my own work, so we figured, “Okay, let’s try this!”

What happened during that busy season was I started to wilt on the inside. I’m not sure how else to explain it, but the constant deadlines and productivity combined with my travel schedule left me feeling empty and rushed.

I’m finishing the story at (in)courage today, sharing one reason I’m saying no more often.

For When You Just Can’t Let it Go

They’re searching for Amelia Earhart again. They call her disappearance “one of the most enduring mysteries in aviation history.” I certainly can’t argue with that.

Some unknowns are just too hard to let go.

Hilton Head

Standing on the beach as the sun lifted over the water this morning, I thought of a few things I’d like to leave behind, a few mysteries I’d like to stop trying to figure out. But as we headed back to the house through the sand after over an hour of quiet, I realized I was still carrying some things with me.

For a moment, shame stomped on the floor of my soul. Gotcha.

But I remember how Jesus goes with me even when I’m not yet able to release everything. Just as the sun will rise up in the morning, he will go with me wherever I go, even when I’m carrying a burden I know better than to carry.

Vacation plays tricks on you, tempts you to believe that rest will come if only you show up in a beautiful place. Even though I know this isn’t true, sometimes I’m still surprised by it. Today at (in)courage, I’m sharing a few good reminders for your soul (but mostly for mine) about vacation. Join me there?

How to Stay Calm in the Midst of Big Projects

“Instead of trying to accomplish it all — and all at once — and flaring out, the Essentialist starts small and celebrates progress. Instead of going for the big, flashy wins that don’t really matter, the Essentialist pursues small and simple wins in areas that are essential.”

Greg McKeown, Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less

If you’ve ever been guilty of biting off more than you can chew or of expecting too much too soon, then perhaps you will resonate with Greg McKewon’s encouragement to start small and celebrate progress.

In recent years I’ve come to value and even cherish the art of the small start in my work, my friendships, and even in cleaning the house.

But it’s a fairly new practice for me to begin to celebrate the progress that comes as a result, especially when that progress is unimpressive.

What does celebrating progress look like?


Today for me, it looks like this round rug in my sunroom office.

I’ve wanted a round rug in there for, oh a few years maybe? I’ve waited because I didn’t know exactly where to shop, wasn’t sure what style I wanted, and I didn’t have the room the way I wanted it anyway. Besides, I already had a rug that kind of worked and I was convinced a different rug wouldn’t make much difference.

But I’ve been dedicated to making small changes in this sunroom over the past few weeks and the small changes are adding up to nice progress. I took some time looking online and found this simple jute round rug, ordered it, and it arrived on my doorstep this week.

Now, my tendency is to continue to look for the next small change I need to make or obsess over lists of what has yet to be done.

Instead, several times since that rug arrived, I’ve sat in my sunroom and looked around, snapped a few photos, and spent some extra time reading in my favorite corner. In short, I’ve celebrated progress by actually enjoying the room. And this simple act of appreciating the progress on purpose has brought a lightness and calm to my soul.

celebrate progress

These have been ways I’ve celebrated progress rather than looked in disdain at the still unfinished room. I moved my desk! I picked out a rug! Is it finished? Not yet. But I celebrate progress anyway.

This week at (in)courage, I’m sharing what starting small and celebrating progress has looked like for me in the area of personal health, both for my body and for my soul.

I also have a conversation with my dad and my sister on this month’s episode of The Hope*ologie Podcast about what celebrating looks like in our own lives and how we think it’s important to mark progress even if it’s small and even if it’s silly.

There are 3 ways for you to listen to the podcast: At Hope*ologie (including show notes!), on iTunes, or here on Soundcloud.

Today I hope you’ll save yourself from overwhelm in the midst of big projects by embracing the days of small beginnings and celebrating the progress that comes as a result.

When Doing Leads to Undoing

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I’m learning to crochet. Is that dorky? I have a feeling what the hipsters do with yarn these days is knitting. But I’ve heard that takes two needles which is completely intimidating. So for now, it’s crochet.

The girls and I took a class at a local craft store, and after three hours we learned one stitch — if that’s even what you call it. We make rows over and over again in a line, turn, and make another line.

It’s too narrow for a blanket, too wide for a scarf, and it doesn’t matter anyway because I don’t know how to read a pattern or do anything, really. So far I’ve worked the yarn through Mr. Bean’s Holiday, one episode of American Pickers, and lots of conversation.

I want it to be relaxing, but so far I mainly work tense. I hear that shows up in the yarn. Of course it does.

Of all the things on my to do list, crochet doesn’t show up once. But maybe it should, as I’m learning sometimes I need to engage in an activity for the single purpose of disengaging from productivity. Today I’m writing about the importance of making an undo list over at (in)courage. Join me there?

The Importance of Following Clues

The sun went down laughing last night, leaving behind evidence of a beautiful exit. I never saw her directly, though it wasn’t for lack of trying, let me just tell you.  But she had her path and her timeline and she kept to it, no matter if I could find a good perch to spot her from before she slipped away for the night. Still, it was obvious she’d been here.


The trail of beauty left behind points to a source beyond itself.

And you know what? Burdens leave a trail, too.

 “The soul was not made for an easy life. The soul was made for an easy yoke.”

John Ortberg, Soul Keeping

Since my soul wasn’t made for the easy life, I know hard circumstance aren’t my problem, not really. My problem is in how I carry them. When my soul feels downcast, it starts to show evidence that I’ve taken in the burdens of life in a way I’m not meant to – anxiety, overwhelm, frustration, defensiveness. These are signs of the heavy yoke. Burdens don’t come without leaving clues.

I’m writing more on what your soul really needs you to know today at (in)courage. Join me there?