Our Simply Tuesday Small Group Conversation Guide is finally ready! Learn how to get free access below.
Do you ever feel like you’re doing friendship wrong? You look around and see how everyone seems to have the hang of it, but maybe you’re missing something?
Growing up people said I made friends easily. A teacher once told my parents that I made friends with other girls by complimenting them. Of course I did.
Having friends was important to me and telling people good things about themselves seemed like the fastest way to it. But that was back when the word friend meant someone you’re comfortable sitting with at lunch or someone who will walk with you to the bathroom.
All that counts when you’re in seventh grade. But now that I’m grown, friend means something more. Meeting people is easy for me and making good impressions is, too. But now I want what I like to call Tuesday people in my life – regular, everyday friends, not people I work to impress.
Sometime last year, our pastor announced that a prayer team had started to meet together every Thursday morning and if we had any requests, they would pray faithfully. When he said it, tears filled my eyes. Because I think it’s important to pay attention to what makes me cry, I considered why that moment was emotional for me.
My answer came swiftly: the idea of having a few huddle together who are willing to carry my requests to God poked something awake in me, something I longed for.
After the benediction, I made my way to the back of the church and wrote out a simple request on a small white sheet, confessing my longing to find my people in this church, awkwardly asking for prayer in a few areas of my life. I folded it twice and tucked it not the thin slit on the top of the box, all the time wondering if I got cancer or something happened to one of our kids, would I have people?
Have I cultivated relationships over these years enough to warrant support from others in times of crisis? Or even in times of regular?
A week later on Thursday, I got a text from Wendy, a new friend on the prayer team. These were her words: “You do have people — we love you and prayed for you today. Thanks for letting us come with you and keep us posted– we will be so happy to be praying with and for you!”
Her words were simple but also healing, because they reminded me that finding my Tuesday people doesn’t have to involve a massive effort or an intricate, long-term plan. It also reminded me that while I’m often hesitant to reach out, my doing so is like giving a gift to others — the gift of trust, the gift of honesty, the gift of myself.
John and I have never been part of groups that vacation every summer together, take annual family camping trips, or go out as couples every other weekend. Sometimes I have these moments of relational panic where I see other families who seem so tightly knit that their kids are growing up together nearly like siblings. Are we missing out? Are we doing this friendship thing wrong?
We have dear friends and we love them, but it doesn’t look like the movies.
It looks like long stretches of months before we see them again for dinner.
It looks like grabbing a coffee while the kids are in school.
It looks like slipping a prayer request in the wooden box in the back of the church.
I suppose we will have insecurities no matter where our feet take us. But we are continuing to walk to new places even though sometimes we find things we don’t like.
Friends may not always provide us the security we long for. Sometimes they simply offer us a safe place to feel insecure.
Maybe you are in a place of wondering about your own Tuesday people – do you have some? Do you want some? Have you had them in the past but are in a lonely place now? Here is something I hope will help. I created a Small Group Conversation Guide to go along with my newest book, Simply Tuesday.
The book officially releases in the US one week from today but some stores have already stocked it on the shelves! If you purchase the book between now and August 28 (either in store or online) you can download the guide for free.
I hope it will be a tool to help you gather with your people this fall and have conversations that matter.
UPDATE 9/2: The Conversation Guide is now available for free with the purchase of two or more copies of Simply Tuesday from our partners at Givington’s.